I stopped actively attempting every night about a month ago. Now i just dont feel like doing it. I know im going to hang myself ive got the rope and everything. The semester is almost over now ive just got practicals and finals left then im going on vacation end of may. Then my birthday mid june. Ill turn 20. I really dont want to. When i look back on the last decade i truly can't remember anything meaningful. I hate my life i hate who i have become. Im not anticipating my twenties the way others are. I don't see anything good happening to me. Im not smart or extroverted or good at what makes money. I desperately want to leave. I know i wont get a good job because im not even working towards it. I only care about money so i can travel. Theres so much i want to see and if theres a possibility that it wont happen i dont want to live that life.
I cant fathom living a mediocre life. I know its not a good reason to ctb but i feel so hopeless. I wasted my teen years being depressed and shutting myself from the world. I know i wont magically make up for it now. I cant take another year of this. I hate that im so weak that i crack under just a bit of pressure. I didnt even want much just to make friends and do good in school.
I fucking ghosted my best friend 6 months ago. Im fucking horrible.
I cant fathom living a mediocre life. I know its not a good reason to ctb but i feel so hopeless. I wasted my teen years being depressed and shutting myself from the world. I know i wont magically make up for it now. I cant take another year of this. I hate that im so weak that i crack under just a bit of pressure. I didnt even want much just to make friends and do good in school.
I fucking ghosted my best friend 6 months ago. Im fucking horrible.
