NoOneLovesMiMi
Just Me
- May 27, 2023
- 114
So I finally Showered today.
Think I was in there for close to an hour.
After I did a little skincare and lotioned up.
Pick my scent for the day and my final days to come.
Finally took out the trash.
Ordered some food and watched a movie.
Did some research on my method.
Ordered some packing materials so I can pack up some things to help my mom a little when getting my stuff.
I was cleaning up my phone and heard a message from my old manager.
It was left Friday night.
I wonder why would they bother calling when they know Damn Well I was terminated due to pointing out. My manager might remember me speaking on my mental health so I wonder if he was a bit worried.
But guess we'll never know because I got the message today and I don't care I'm definitely going through with my plan.
I was nervous though because I saw a ambulance pull up and I thought someone called on me.
I usually don't speak to anyone for days so I would be mad if someone popped up.
Last time I actually spoke to someone was days ago.
I fell asleep later in the evening but now I'm up.
All types of stuff going through my mind but just constantly telling myself it's gonna work and this life will be over soon.
This is my opportunity.
Then I thought even though I have tons of resentment towards my mom and I blame her for everything.
The last time I saw her is when I asked her to bring me some benadryl.
My lips were swollen and I had hives everywhere. She came to the door and handed me the meds.
She couldn't stay but she caressed my face and said my poor baby.
That's going to be her last memory of me alive.
My sister came to visit me shortly after that.
She had no idea what I was struggling with but during her visit is when I realized how bad she has gotten and how stunted she is in her mind.
She's 35 I think but still trapped at 16.
Nonetheless I hope maybe something I said stuck.
I remember her saying she thought I was jealous of her and my mom's relationship. And I was but not to a point of hate.
I just hurted.
But I told her I was also happy for her because I thought she got the mother I always wanted.
I don't think she really knew how it felt to watch that for my entire life.
She also sees that she's getting parts of the mom I had and it's a struggle for her.
But before she left I hugged her so tight and said I'm so sorry I couldn't be the sister you wanted and needed.
At first she was just limp but she began a little to hug me back.
Little did we both know that's the last time she'd see me alive.
So our relationships maybe strained.
But I hope I don't have to see them before my day because it gives me a little comfort that if they think of me that will hopefully be their memory of me.
Later this evening I texted my niece how much I love her and how proud I am of her but no response.
Well guess I'll try to sleep.
Until tomorrow
I have 4 more days
Think I was in there for close to an hour.
After I did a little skincare and lotioned up.
Pick my scent for the day and my final days to come.
Finally took out the trash.
Ordered some food and watched a movie.
Did some research on my method.
Ordered some packing materials so I can pack up some things to help my mom a little when getting my stuff.
I was cleaning up my phone and heard a message from my old manager.
It was left Friday night.
I wonder why would they bother calling when they know Damn Well I was terminated due to pointing out. My manager might remember me speaking on my mental health so I wonder if he was a bit worried.
But guess we'll never know because I got the message today and I don't care I'm definitely going through with my plan.
I was nervous though because I saw a ambulance pull up and I thought someone called on me.
I usually don't speak to anyone for days so I would be mad if someone popped up.
Last time I actually spoke to someone was days ago.
I fell asleep later in the evening but now I'm up.
All types of stuff going through my mind but just constantly telling myself it's gonna work and this life will be over soon.
This is my opportunity.
Then I thought even though I have tons of resentment towards my mom and I blame her for everything.
The last time I saw her is when I asked her to bring me some benadryl.
My lips were swollen and I had hives everywhere. She came to the door and handed me the meds.
She couldn't stay but she caressed my face and said my poor baby.
That's going to be her last memory of me alive.
My sister came to visit me shortly after that.
She had no idea what I was struggling with but during her visit is when I realized how bad she has gotten and how stunted she is in her mind.
She's 35 I think but still trapped at 16.
Nonetheless I hope maybe something I said stuck.
I remember her saying she thought I was jealous of her and my mom's relationship. And I was but not to a point of hate.
I just hurted.
But I told her I was also happy for her because I thought she got the mother I always wanted.
I don't think she really knew how it felt to watch that for my entire life.
She also sees that she's getting parts of the mom I had and it's a struggle for her.
But before she left I hugged her so tight and said I'm so sorry I couldn't be the sister you wanted and needed.
At first she was just limp but she began a little to hug me back.
Little did we both know that's the last time she'd see me alive.
So our relationships maybe strained.
But I hope I don't have to see them before my day because it gives me a little comfort that if they think of me that will hopefully be their memory of me.
Later this evening I texted my niece how much I love her and how proud I am of her but no response.
Well guess I'll try to sleep.
Until tomorrow
I have 4 more days
Last edited:
