Venting im scared of dying but i need to do something

[just.being..]

This is my first post on here.. i was diagnosed with major depressive disorder about six years ago.. i now have auditory hallucinations, BPD, autism and insomnia. I work come home shower and think. My family is the least understanding about anything when it comes to how i feel. My step dad just says its fake and my mom just brings herself up.. the only thing thats stopped me from CTB is because i dont know what is beyond death. Ive been bullied my whole life as cliche as that sounds.. i was bullied in elementary up to highschool until my mom pulled me out because i attempted to CTB. Im now bullied at home and work and any time i even attempt to stand up for myself im either "too sensitive to take a joke" or i just had it coming. I dont speak at work.. i dont have friendly conversations with my coworkers yet they somehow hate me? Im not a lazy worker.. they just dont like me. Im tired of people not liking me for no reason. Im tired of being told "stop caring what other people think". Dont they think i would have by now if it was that simple?? I cant live here anymore. I need to know whats beyond death so i can have peace.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Our molecules disintegrate into ashes or dirt. That's it. In the miniscule chance that I am wrong, what could really be worse than this current life before death?

 

[theRetroHawk]

This is my first post on here.. i was diagnosed with major depressive disorder about six years ago.. i now have auditory hallucinations, BPD, autism and insomnia. I work come home shower and think. My family is the least understanding about anything when it comes to how i feel. My step dad just says its fake and my mom just brings herself up.. the only thing thats stopped me from CTB is because i dont know what is beyond death. Ive been bullied my whole life as cliche as that sounds.. i was bullied in elementary up to highschool until my mom pulled me out because i attempted to CTB. Im now bullied at home and work and any time i even attempt to stand up for myself im either "too sensitive to take a joke" or i just had it coming. I dont speak at work.. i dont have friendly conversations with my coworkers yet they somehow hate me? Im not a lazy worker.. they just dont like me. Im tired of people not liking me for no reason. Im tired of being told "stop caring what other people think". Dont they think i would have by now if it was that simple?? I cant live here anymore. I need to know whats beyond death so i can have peace.

I really hope I'm wrong but it's safe to say everything just kinda goes blank you turn off that light switch and you just cease to exist.

 

[The Silly Sluggy]

Nothing is after death, as far as I know. You don't feel, you don't think, you just are, except you also aren't. You were. That's what death is I believe... No bills, no harassment, no other people. Better than anything money could buy, in my opinion.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really awful how many humans are so cruel and just create so much suffering, I personally believe death to just be the absence of everything, an eternal and dreamless sleep. It comforts me the thought of being eternally free from all unnecessary suffering.