I'm scared, help me get over that

[radicalfreedom]

I am scared of dying. I know it's the right thing for me to do. I know it's the only way I will ever make the pain stop. I know I want to do it before things get any worse. But I am scared. I am so very scared. I wish so badly a life worth living we possible in this hellscape of a world, but it isn't.

I just want to do it. Get the rope. Find the tree. Buy the gun. Get the drugs. But at every stage I was just too scared. Please. I just want to be brave enough to end this.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is nothing easy about leaving this world. I fear the method failing which is why I am still here. None of us should ever have to suffer and it's sad how so much pain exists. The only thing that brings me comfort is the thought of permanently ceasing to exist. I believe death to be peaceful nothingness, just like how before we were born where time passed and yet we were not aware of anything. To me, non existence is ideal as it is the absence of everything. Our only true purpose as humans is to die anyway.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with all these fears. Life is just too cruel. I hope that you find freedom from your struggle.

 

[Unworthyoflove]

if that helps....when taking a choice of exit where you dont need to be totally sober before, it helps to have taken some alc and benzos together. when I was totally devastated, drank a bottle of wine and took 3 or 4 benzos, there was no fear anymore...I was too drunk and benzoed to have such feelings. the problem was, I was also too drunk to be like surgical pro and cut my tiny little veins in a sufficient deadly way. the doctor who stitched them actually said it was a close one, but yeah not deep enough.

 

[radicalfreedom]

if that helps....when taking a choice of exit where you dont need to be totally sober before, it helps to have taken some alc and benzos together. when I was totally devastated, drank a bottle of wine and took 3 or 4 benzos, there was no fear anymore...I was too drunk and benzoed to have such feelings. the problem was, I was also too drunk to be like surgical pro and cut my tiny little veins in a sufficient deadly way. the doctor who stitched them actually said it was a close one, but yeah not deep enough.

Any advice on getting Benzos? Doctors are incredibly hesitant to prescribe them to me because I am exactly the type of patient that would abuse them.

 

[Unworthyoflove]

Any advice on getting Benzos? Doctors are incredibly hesitant to prescribe them to me because I am exactly the type of patient that would abuse them.

ah yes, not an easy one depending where you live. I also got them when I lived in a nother country. maybe it could help to find a new doctor who doesnt know you yet. then having very good and smart explanations why you need them. normally these doctors are very systemtied, so they like to hear stuff thats good for the system...say your job needs you to get better rest, being overworked and therefore stressed and so on....otherwise there is online farmacies or if that doesnt work the black market on the street. nowadays the same guys who sell the illiegal drugs also have prescription ones to sell

 

[LaVieEnRose]

You'll never have to deal with fear once you're gone.
Death is nothing that won't happen eventually, some way or another.
Countless people of all backgrounds have succeeded in it before.

These are what I tell myself. You're obviously not alone in struggling with fear.