I'm really trying to live

[snooperdooper]

Idk when my last post was but it has been a while since I was last even on this site. I've really tried to go forward with the recovery route. I got on HRT and am currently making the move to get onto antidepressants. I've still got a whole other slew of problems like isolation but like I'm working through that. But the point is I have tried and amn still trying to make life work for me. But I have feel like the excitement of wanting to live has finally worn off and I just. Like I have no motivation at all to do anthing with my life. I don't have motivation to do school or do work or talk to anybody (a little motibvation to do that i guess, reconnecting with some friends i ghosted). I wsant to have the motivation for those things I REALLY DO but I just can't find it. It isn't evne like I cry or am depressed or anything, it's just like this weight that is dragigng me down constantly and I just CANT GET RID OF IT.

I hate that I am trying to live like all the NORMAL PEOPLE in the world do and I CANT DO IT. How is life so easy for them. How do they find the meaning in their life to continue on? Life is absurd make ur own meaning whatever but I can't find meaning in this. There's no joy. There's no end goal. I feel hopeless

 

[Whisper_]

they find meaning in life that society tells them has meaning: kids, cars, money, house, career, bbqs, basic shit. youd be surprised how miserable they are deep down, theyre better at handling it by overworking themselves and distracting themselves because they aren't like us. we aren't like them. it's just how it goes. we're wired differently, know the truth and face it-- that this world is fucked up, money runs it, and we're all slaves to the establishment.