Help i cant make myself do ANYTHING and it's ruining my life. pls help

[bagel12]

like i'm really gonna fuck up my life if i keep avoiding the things i need to do, but i cant make myself do them, no matter how much or how little pressure i put on myself. even things i know i'll enjoy, i cant make myself do them, it feels like a demand on my time and energy. and then i feel really guilty and ashamed for not doing basic things, and for failing, and for disappointing the people around me, which then makes it harder to do things.

how do i fix this i am DESPERATE. like i'm considering buying a shock collar to force myself to do things. except i live with other people who would be concerned, and for good reason...

 

[post_card]

i am in a pretty similar situation too. I do not push myself hard enough and do only like half of the things i could EASILY do during the day, since I do not have any responsibilites really that could stop me from doing so. It is one of the reasons i hate myself.
For example recently i fucked up my sleep schedule. But sleeping late feels sooo good. I want to sleep like 7-8 hours, but turns out it is a real pain in the ass to wake up sooner than from a 10 hours sleep.
Every night i go to sleep and tell myself that the next day i will just do it and wake up and not go back to sleep as soon as my alarm wakes me up - but it is so fucking hard. It is also not helping me that i stay up late in the night....
It is like a vicious circle that seems insanely difficult to break out of for some reason.
I guess being chronically online and pretty much addicted to forgetting about my existence by playing games or watching youtube videos takes a toll of one s health.

like i'm really gonna fuck up my life if i keep avoiding the things i need to do,

real, except i don t really feel like my future is important to me. i just think that i ll be fine with whatever knocks at my door. unless it s gonna turn out to be horrible. idk.

I honestly don t know any other answer to this than ,,just go and do it". Because it really feels like that is the advice here. The starting is a breaking point. Then it gets easier.

 

[bagel12]

i am in a pretty similar situation too. I do not push myself hard enough and do only like half of the things i could EASILY do during the day, since I do not have any responsibilites really that could stop me from doing so. It is one of the reasons i hate myself.
For example recently i fucked up my sleep schedule. But sleeping late feels sooo good. I want to sleep like 7-8 hours, but turns out it is a real pain in the ass to wake up sooner than from a 10 hours sleep.
Every night i go to sleep and tell myself that the next day i will just do it and wake up and not go back to sleep as soon as my alarm wakes me up - but it is so fucking hard. It is also not helping me that i stay up late in the night....
It is like a vicious circle that seems insanely difficult to break out of for some reason.
I guess being chronically online and pretty much addicted to forgetting about my existence by playing games or watching youtube videos takes a toll of one s health.


real, except i don t really feel like my future is important to me. i just think that i ll be fine with whatever knocks at my door. unless it s gonna turn out to be horrible. idk.

I honestly don t know any other answer to this than ,,just go and do it". Because it really feels like that is the advice here. The starting is a breaking point. Then it gets easier.

i'm sorry that you're going through this too :( but it makes me feel less alone to know i am not the only one. what you said, "chronically online and pretty much addicted to forgetting about my existence," is a relatable description. it really is a vicious cycle.

my sleep schedule is fucked too, i'm still awake when the sun rises. people say to put your alarm across the room so that you won't go back to sleep, but they underestimate me... i just wake up, walk across the room, turn off the alarm, and get back in bed. right now i have alarms go off every 5 minutes. it kind of works for now, but knowing me, it'll stop working soon.

i think part of the difficulty for me is i really don't care about my future or what happens to me. but i'm pissed at my past self for not caring about the future. because now "the future" is here, and i have to live in it, and i'm miserable lol

i had an energy drink today and it helped me accomplish a little more than usual. maybe i need to get addicted to energy drinks next.. organs be damned

i really appreciate your response, and i hope we both find something that works for us. living this way is exhausting

 

[Lullaby]

Hey, totally relate to you, even down to the sleep. I've had insomnia for years and if I do manage to sleep, it's always around 4-5am and maybe for 3 hours

I've been in this state intensely for over a year now, and everyone kept trying to push me to do things - work again, go back to school, whatever and my motivation was totally gone. It was like I was trying to live for when everyone else.

Eventually I just told me that I wanted to be home and try to learn how to be a person again. You can't really build a home without a foundation, and that's what I've been trying to do.

Just small stuff, nothing crazy. Getting out of bed, taking care of my cat and basically was all I could do. Then the next day I'd try to make a meal for dinner, take a shower, read a little bit of a book, watch an episode of a show I've been putting off, etc.

Even though I'm still in that same place, having zero idea what I want to do and no desire to really, but it might change? I'm still focusing on the small stuff to try and get me to love little parts of life again.

I would say to try the same. It's so much easier said than done, but try not to put too much pressure on yourself and start with the small things - no matte HOW small. Even getting out of bed is still a win.

Don't feel guilty, ever. You and all of us are struggling with a lot, more than any person should, and it's freaking hard to try and live on top of that. You're doing the best you can.

 

[sadbh]

The first thing that comes to mind is adhd meds and/or a lot of caffeine. Or meth!

 

[vitbar]

I'm in a similar boat. Procrastinating my life away. What a shit way to ctb.

 

[bagel12]

Hey, totally relate to you, even down to the sleep. I've had insomnia for years and if I do manage to sleep, it's always around 4-5am and maybe for 3 hours

I've been in this state intensely for over a year now, and everyone kept trying to push me to do things - work again, go back to school, whatever and my motivation was totally gone. It was like I was trying to live for when everyone else.

Eventually I just told me that I wanted to be home and try to learn how to be a person again. You can't really build a home without a foundation, and that's what I've been trying to do.

Just small stuff, nothing crazy. Getting out of bed, taking care of my cat and basically was all I could do. Then the next day I'd try to make a meal for dinner, take a shower, read a little bit of a book, watch an episode of a show I've been putting off, etc.

Even though I'm still in that same place, having zero idea what I want to do and no desire to really, but it might change? I'm still focusing on the small stuff to try and get me to love little parts of life again.

I would say to try the same. It's so much easier said than done, but try not to put too much pressure on yourself and start with the small things - no matte HOW small. Even getting out of bed is still a win.

Don't feel guilty, ever. You and all of us are struggling with a lot, more than any person should, and it's freaking hard to try and live on top of that. You're doing the best you can.

thank you so much for your kind words and advice, it means a lot

reducing the pressure and focusing on the small stuff is a really good idea. i just feel a lot of guilt and i don't know how to stop putting pressure on myself. but i'm going to take your advice and try to celebrate the small wins :) and not be upset at myself for not being productive, or overwhelmed by everything. i like how you mentioned trying to love the little parts of life again, i really want to get to a mental state where i feel that way again. i'm sorry that you're going through this as well, and i'm glad you've found something that seems to help. also please give your cat a nice scritch behind the ears from me :)

also wow we have the same sleep schedule :,( i'm so sorry that you deal with insomnia too, it is a special kind of hell. i've had it ever since i was a little kid, i feel most awake at night and then im exhausted when i have to wake up in the morning. for the past few months i've been getting about 3 hours of sleep a night which probably contibutes to how i've been feeling.

lately i've started taking magnesium glycinate along with my usual melotonin, and i got a weighted blanket, and i put black fabric on my windows so they don't let the light in. i also got a fan because i used to overheat at night and i kept waking up. lastly, i started drinking caffeine right when i wake up. with these changes it went from taking 2 hours to fall asleep to 1 hour to fall asleep! and i wake up less throughout the night! so it's some improvement, and i do feel better. i hope you are able to find something that makes your insomnia a little more bearable

thank you again for your kindness and encouragement, i really appreciate it. i hope for better days ahead for us all

The first thing that comes to mind is adhd meds and/or a lot of caffeine. Or meth!

you make a good point lol, i used to be on adhd meds, but got too depressed to make appointments with the psychiatrist, so he stopped prescribing them. maybe this is a sign that i should call his office. or maybe meth would be easier!

I'm in a similar boat. Procrastinating my life away. What a shit way to ctb.

i'm sorry that you're going through this too. it really sucks. i envy the people who go on cool trips or do cool stuff before they ctb.. yet here i am just wasting away.

 

[sadbh]

thank you so much for your kind words and advice, it means a lot

reducing the pressure and focusing on the small stuff is a really good idea. i just feel a lot of guilt and i don't know how to stop putting pressure on myself. but i'm going to take your advice and try to celebrate the small wins :) and not be upset at myself for not being productive, or overwhelmed by everything. i like how you mentioned trying to love the little parts of life again, i really want to get to a mental state where i feel that way again. i'm sorry that you're going through this as well, and i'm glad you've found something that seems to help. also please give your cat a nice scritch behind the ears from me :)

also wow we have the same sleep schedule :,( i'm so sorry that you deal with insomnia too, it is a special kind of hell. i've had it ever since i was a little kid, i feel most awake at night and then im exhausted when i have to wake up in the morning. for the past few months i've been getting about 3 hours of sleep a night which probably contibutes to how i've been feeling.

lately i've started taking magnesium glycinate along with my usual melotonin, and i got a weighted blanket, and i put black fabric on my windows so they don't let the light in. i also got a fan because i used to overheat at night and i kept waking up. lastly, i started drinking caffeine right when i wake up. with these changes it went from taking 2 hours to fall asleep to 1 hour to fall asleep! and i wake up less throughout the night! so it's some improvement, and i do feel better. i hope you are able to find something that makes your insomnia a little more bearable

thank you again for your kindness and encouragement, i really appreciate it. i hope for better days ahead for us all

you make a good point lol, i used to be on adhd meds, but got too depressed to make appointments with the psychiatrist, so he stopped prescribing them. maybe this is a sign that i should call his office. or maybe meth would be easier!

i'm sorry that you're going through this too. it really sucks. i envy the people who go on cool trips or do cool stuff before they ctb.. yet here i am just wasting away.

This is definitely a sign to get back on meds. Also, taking pressure off yourself and allowing yourself to enjoy food, games, etc without guilt is important.

Body doubling is also useful for ADHD/procrastination. I'd encourage you to tell one person that you need a reminder to call your psych, and just try to get that appointment made.

 

[bagel12]

This is definitely a sign to get back on meds. Also, taking pressure off yourself and allowing yourself to enjoy food, games, etc without guilt is important.

Body doubling is also useful for ADHD/procrastination. I'd encourage you to tell one person that you need a reminder to call your psych, and just try to get that appointment made.

thank you, i will take that sign then :)

that's a great idea, body doubling is really helpful. i just get embarrassed telling people irl about my issues

how about this, i will respond to this comment later this week once i've called the psychiatrist

 

[sadbh]

thank you, i will take that sign then :)

that's a great idea, body doubling is really helpful. i just get embarrassed telling people irl about my issues

how about this, i will respond to this comment later this week once i've called the psychiatrist

You got this, !!! Hope this helps. Reply back with gifs when you're done.

 

[sciatic214899]

like i'm really gonna fuck up my life if i keep avoiding the things i need to do, but i cant make myself do them, no matter how much or how little pressure i put on myself. even things i know i'll enjoy, i cant make myself do them, it feels like a demand on my time and energy. and then i feel really guilty and ashamed for not doing basic things, and for failing, and for disappointing the people around me, which then makes it harder to do things.

how do i fix this i am DESPERATE. like i'm considering buying a shock collar to force myself to do things. except i live with other people who would be concerned, and for good reason...

I relate to this all too much. I have fantasized about shock collars in the past, too, and a few years ago I asked a friend to hurt me whenever I didn't complete homework on time ( don't do this). In the long term aversive conditioning, like shock collars and other punishments, increases the shame and stress we already feel, making it harder to approach tasks and reducing our self confidence. Don't punish yourself, it doesn't work !!

If you have this much trouble doing the things you want to do (normal people do not often fantasize about shock collars as a productivity hack ) consider looking into ADHD and associated treatments. The Adult Self Report Scale is what I used to evaluate myself and decide that I needed follow up from a psych. Even if you don't have (the DSM definition of) ADHD, coping and organizational strategies for ADHD can help a wide variety of people.

What helped for me was external accountability, and stimulants.

I love body doubling as external accountability. You can get it sneakily by calling someone and asking for on-the-phone company while you do chores. Additionally, any real life obligations can serve as accountability. I never have a good sleep schedule when I am #unemployed and #isolating but when I have classes, clubs, scheduled hangouts with friends or appointments during the day, I find it is much easier to have a consistent sleep schedule. It is difficult to have a paper written on-time when I abide by the deadline, but when I schedule office hours with my professor a week before the paper, it's easier to have something completed.

You mention finding things more difficult to complete because you feel them as a "demand". If you'd like, take a look at demand sensitivity (not necessarily a diagnosis, just a concept). You may have to figure out how to structure your life so things you must do do not feel like orders you are forced to do, but tasks you complete of your own agency. I had an alarm set for months that was titled "TAKE YOUR DAMN MEDS", and I ignored it every single day. I decided to forego the alarm and seriously consider if I wanted to take medication for my own reasons. I do not have a medication alarm now, but I take my meds (near) daily, because I want to, not because pixels on a screen tell me to. I understand not all things can be chosen, but one can find a self-chosen reason to do many things that feel imposed.

As for stimulants, (for ADHD), the gold standard are psych meds if you can get ahold of them, but if you cannot, for years I swore by four packets of black tea a day. Not ideal, obviously, but it helped me.

In general, I have read that executive function increases with age. The older you get, the more you'll learn about yourself, and the more skilled you'll be at getting yourself to do things, on average. It is a cliche, but in this case, things really do get better.

Yay good luck to you! I believe in you so much, okay? Please report back with what works for you!

 

[bagel12]

I relate to this all too much. I have fantasized about shock collars in the past, too, and a few years ago I asked a friend to hurt me whenever I didn't complete homework on time ( don't do this). In the long term aversive conditioning, like shock collars and other punishments, increases the shame and stress we already feel, making it harder to approach tasks and reducing our self confidence. Don't punish yourself, it doesn't work !!

If you have this much trouble doing the things you want to do (normal people do not often fantasize about shock collars as a productivity hack ) consider looking into ADHD and associated treatments. The Adult Self Report Scale is what I used to evaluate myself and decide that I needed follow up from a psych. Even if you don't have (the DSM definition of) ADHD, coping and organizational strategies for ADHD can help a wide variety of people.

What helped for me was external accountability, and stimulants.

I love body doubling as external accountability. You can get it sneakily by calling someone and asking for on-the-phone company while you do chores. Additionally, any real life obligations can serve as accountability. I never have a good sleep schedule when I am #unemployed and #isolating but when I have classes, clubs, scheduled hangouts with friends or appointments during the day, I find it is much easier to have a consistent sleep schedule. It is difficult to have a paper written on-time when I abide by the deadline, but when I schedule office hours with my professor a week before the paper, it's easier to have something completed.

You mention finding things more difficult to complete because you feel them as a "demand". If you'd like, take a look at demand sensitivity (not necessarily a diagnosis, just a concept). You may have to figure out how to structure your life so things you must do do not feel like orders you are forced to do, but tasks you complete of your own agency. I had an alarm set for months that was titled "TAKE YOUR DAMN MEDS", and I ignored it every single day. I decided to forego the alarm and seriously consider if I wanted to take medication for my own reasons. I do not have a medication alarm now, but I take my meds (near) daily, because I want to, not because pixels on a screen tell me to. I understand not all things can be chosen, but one can find a self-chosen reason to do many things that feel imposed.

As for stimulants, (for ADHD), the gold standard are psych meds if you can get ahold of them, but if you cannot, for years I swore by four packets of black tea a day. Not ideal, obviously, but it helped me.

In general, I have read that executive function increases with age. The older you get, the more you'll learn about yourself, and the more skilled you'll be at getting yourself to do things, on average. It is a cliche, but in this case, things really do get better.

Yay good luck to you! I believe in you so much, okay? Please report back with what works for you!

omg do we live the same life? down to the shock collar!! i'm sorry that you went through this too, but it makes me feel so much better that i'm not the only one who's thought of this lol

i appreciate your point about how long term, punishing myself just makes things more stressful/shameful. i feel like that's part of the problem for me... years of being upset at myself for things just builds up over time, making it seem more and more difficult.

funny that you say that, i am diagnosed with adhd! i used to take stimulants, then i kept forgetting to call the psychiatrist, and now i haven't taken meds for a long time... this thread is a motivator for me to call my psychiatrist again and get back on meds. the main issue was that my meds had some negative side effects, both physical and mental. i feel like they make me a less fun/social person, and also my bfrbs get sooo bad on them. but i think i'll try to be better about taking them consistently and see if the side effects get better, otherwise i'll talk to my psychiatrist about it and see if there are alternatives.

i really appreciate your advice on external accountability and body doubling! because when it's just up to me, i shirk my responsibilities, but when i'm with others, i do what i'm supposed to. i used to use this strategy more, but i started isolating myself out of depression/shame. i will try to get better at reaching out to people and setting up real life obligations, i think that will help a lot :)

what you said about demand sensitivity/avoidance... it's like you're reading my mind if it's ok for me to ask, how did you get yourself to want to do things? like how do you make it feel self-chosen? when i need to do something, my instant emotional response is "i don't wanna do this" and it's very difficult to reason myself into doing it, even when i know it's something that i'll benefit from and enjoy.

thank you so much for the advice! your comment is so kind, informative and encouraging, and i really appreciate it :) i swear you should be like an adhd life coach or something lol

also, i wish you the best of luck with dealing with these symptoms too! and more broadly, i wish you the best of luck dealing with everything, since you are on this site as well. if you ever need to vent or an accountability buddy or something, i'm here to listen :)