Help i cant make myself do ANYTHING and it's ruining my life. pls help

[bagel12]

like i'm really gonna fuck up my life if i keep avoiding the things i need to do, but i cant make myself do them, no matter how much or how little pressure i put on myself. even things i know i'll enjoy, i cant make myself do them, it feels like a demand on my time and energy. and then i feel really guilty and ashamed for not doing basic things, and for failing, and for disappointing the people around me, which then makes it harder to do things.

how do i fix this i am DESPERATE. like i'm considering buying a shock collar to force myself to do things. except i live with other people who would be concerned, and for good reason...

 

[post_card]

i am in a pretty similar situation too. I do not push myself hard enough and do only like half of the things i could EASILY do during the day, since I do not have any responsibilites really that could stop me from doing so. It is one of the reasons i hate myself.
For example recently i fucked up my sleep schedule. But sleeping late feels sooo good. I want to sleep like 7-8 hours, but turns out it is a real pain in the ass to wake up sooner than from a 10 hours sleep.
Every night i go to sleep and tell myself that the next day i will just do it and wake up and not go back to sleep as soon as my alarm wakes me up - but it is so fucking hard. It is also not helping me that i stay up late in the night....
It is like a vicious circle that seems insanely difficult to break out of for some reason.
I guess being chronically online and pretty much addicted to forgetting about my existence by playing games or watching youtube videos takes a toll of one s health.

like i'm really gonna fuck up my life if i keep avoiding the things i need to do,

real, except i don t really feel like my future is important to me. i just think that i ll be fine with whatever knocks at my door. unless it s gonna turn out to be horrible. idk.

I honestly don t know any other answer to this than ,,just go and do it". Because it really feels like that is the advice here. The starting is a breaking point. Then it gets easier.

 

[bagel12]

i am in a pretty similar situation too. I do not push myself hard enough and do only like half of the things i could EASILY do during the day, since I do not have any responsibilites really that could stop me from doing so. It is one of the reasons i hate myself.
For example recently i fucked up my sleep schedule. But sleeping late feels sooo good. I want to sleep like 7-8 hours, but turns out it is a real pain in the ass to wake up sooner than from a 10 hours sleep.
Every night i go to sleep and tell myself that the next day i will just do it and wake up and not go back to sleep as soon as my alarm wakes me up - but it is so fucking hard. It is also not helping me that i stay up late in the night....
It is like a vicious circle that seems insanely difficult to break out of for some reason.
I guess being chronically online and pretty much addicted to forgetting about my existence by playing games or watching youtube videos takes a toll of one s health.


real, except i don t really feel like my future is important to me. i just think that i ll be fine with whatever knocks at my door. unless it s gonna turn out to be horrible. idk.

I honestly don t know any other answer to this than ,,just go and do it". Because it really feels like that is the advice here. The starting is a breaking point. Then it gets easier.

i'm sorry that you're going through this too :( but it makes me feel less alone to know i am not the only one. what you said, "chronically online and pretty much addicted to forgetting about my existence," is a relatable description. it really is a vicious cycle.

my sleep schedule is fucked too, i'm still awake when the sun rises. people say to put your alarm across the room so that you won't go back to sleep, but they underestimate me... i just wake up, walk across the room, turn off the alarm, and get back in bed. right now i have alarms go off every 5 minutes. it kind of works for now, but knowing me, it'll stop working soon.

i think part of the difficulty for me is i really don't care about my future or what happens to me. but i'm pissed at my past self for not caring about the future. because now "the future" is here, and i have to live in it, and i'm miserable lol

i had an energy drink today and it helped me accomplish a little more than usual. maybe i need to get addicted to energy drinks next.. organs be damned

i really appreciate your response, and i hope we both find something that works for us. living this way is exhausting

 

[Lullaby]

Hey, totally relate to you, even down to the sleep. I've had insomnia for years and if I do manage to sleep, it's always around 4-5am and maybe for 3 hours

I've been in this state intensely for over a year now, and everyone kept trying to push me to do things - work again, go back to school, whatever and my motivation was totally gone. It was like I was trying to live for when everyone else.

Eventually I just told me that I wanted to be home and try to learn how to be a person again. You can't really build a home without a foundation, and that's what I've been trying to do.

Just small stuff, nothing crazy. Getting out of bed, taking care of my cat and basically was all I could do. Then the next day I'd try to make a meal for dinner, take a shower, read a little bit of a book, watch an episode of a show I've been putting off, etc.

Even though I'm still in that same place, having zero idea what I want to do and no desire to really, but it might change? I'm still focusing on the small stuff to try and get me to love little parts of life again.

I would say to try the same. It's so much easier said than done, but try not to put too much pressure on yourself and start with the small things - no matte HOW small. Even getting out of bed is still a win.

Don't feel guilty, ever. You and all of us are struggling with a lot, more than any person should, and it's freaking hard to try and live on top of that. You're doing the best you can.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

The first thing that comes to mind is adhd meds and/or a lot of caffeine. Or meth!

 

[vitbar]

I'm in a similar boat. Procrastinating my life away. What a shit way to ctb.

 

[bagel12]

Hey, totally relate to you, even down to the sleep. I've had insomnia for years and if I do manage to sleep, it's always around 4-5am and maybe for 3 hours

I've been in this state intensely for over a year now, and everyone kept trying to push me to do things - work again, go back to school, whatever and my motivation was totally gone. It was like I was trying to live for when everyone else.

Eventually I just told me that I wanted to be home and try to learn how to be a person again. You can't really build a home without a foundation, and that's what I've been trying to do.

Just small stuff, nothing crazy. Getting out of bed, taking care of my cat and basically was all I could do. Then the next day I'd try to make a meal for dinner, take a shower, read a little bit of a book, watch an episode of a show I've been putting off, etc.

Even though I'm still in that same place, having zero idea what I want to do and no desire to really, but it might change? I'm still focusing on the small stuff to try and get me to love little parts of life again.

I would say to try the same. It's so much easier said than done, but try not to put too much pressure on yourself and start with the small things - no matte HOW small. Even getting out of bed is still a win.

Don't feel guilty, ever. You and all of us are struggling with a lot, more than any person should, and it's freaking hard to try and live on top of that. You're doing the best you can.

thank you so much for your kind words and advice, it means a lot

reducing the pressure and focusing on the small stuff is a really good idea. i just feel a lot of guilt and i don't know how to stop putting pressure on myself. but i'm going to take your advice and try to celebrate the small wins :) and not be upset at myself for not being productive, or overwhelmed by everything. i like how you mentioned trying to love the little parts of life again, i really want to get to a mental state where i feel that way again. i'm sorry that you're going through this as well, and i'm glad you've found something that seems to help. also please give your cat a nice scritch behind the ears from me :)

also wow we have the same sleep schedule :,( i'm so sorry that you deal with insomnia too, it is a special kind of hell. i've had it ever since i was a little kid, i feel most awake at night and then im exhausted when i have to wake up in the morning. for the past few months i've been getting about 3 hours of sleep a night which probably contibutes to how i've been feeling.

lately i've started taking magnesium glycinate along with my usual melotonin, and i got a weighted blanket, and i put black fabric on my windows so they don't let the light in. i also got a fan because i used to overheat at night and i kept waking up. lastly, i started drinking caffeine right when i wake up. with these changes it went from taking 2 hours to fall asleep to 1 hour to fall asleep! and i wake up less throughout the night! so it's some improvement, and i do feel better. i hope you are able to find something that makes your insomnia a little more bearable

thank you again for your kindness and encouragement, i really appreciate it. i hope for better days ahead for us all

The first thing that comes to mind is adhd meds and/or a lot of caffeine. Or meth!

you make a good point lol, i used to be on adhd meds, but got too depressed to make appointments with the psychiatrist, so he stopped prescribing them. maybe this is a sign that i should call his office. or maybe meth would be easier!

I'm in a similar boat. Procrastinating my life away. What a shit way to ctb.

i'm sorry that you're going through this too. it really sucks. i envy the people who go on cool trips or do cool stuff before they ctb.. yet here i am just wasting away.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

thank you so much for your kind words and advice, it means a lot

reducing the pressure and focusing on the small stuff is a really good idea. i just feel a lot of guilt and i don't know how to stop putting pressure on myself. but i'm going to take your advice and try to celebrate the small wins :) and not be upset at myself for not being productive, or overwhelmed by everything. i like how you mentioned trying to love the little parts of life again, i really want to get to a mental state where i feel that way again. i'm sorry that you're going through this as well, and i'm glad you've found something that seems to help. also please give your cat a nice scritch behind the ears from me :)

also wow we have the same sleep schedule :,( i'm so sorry that you deal with insomnia too, it is a special kind of hell. i've had it ever since i was a little kid, i feel most awake at night and then im exhausted when i have to wake up in the morning. for the past few months i've been getting about 3 hours of sleep a night which probably contibutes to how i've been feeling.

lately i've started taking magnesium glycinate along with my usual melotonin, and i got a weighted blanket, and i put black fabric on my windows so they don't let the light in. i also got a fan because i used to overheat at night and i kept waking up. lastly, i started drinking caffeine right when i wake up. with these changes it went from taking 2 hours to fall asleep to 1 hour to fall asleep! and i wake up less throughout the night! so it's some improvement, and i do feel better. i hope you are able to find something that makes your insomnia a little more bearable

thank you again for your kindness and encouragement, i really appreciate it. i hope for better days ahead for us all

you make a good point lol, i used to be on adhd meds, but got too depressed to make appointments with the psychiatrist, so he stopped prescribing them. maybe this is a sign that i should call his office. or maybe meth would be easier!

i'm sorry that you're going through this too. it really sucks. i envy the people who go on cool trips or do cool stuff before they ctb.. yet here i am just wasting away.

This is definitely a sign to get back on meds. Also, taking pressure off yourself and allowing yourself to enjoy food, games, etc without guilt is important.

Body doubling is also useful for ADHD/procrastination. I'd encourage you to tell one person that you need a reminder to call your psych, and just try to get that appointment made.

 

[bagel12]

This is definitely a sign to get back on meds. Also, taking pressure off yourself and allowing yourself to enjoy food, games, etc without guilt is important.

Body doubling is also useful for ADHD/procrastination. I'd encourage you to tell one person that you need a reminder to call your psych, and just try to get that appointment made.

thank you, i will take that sign then :)

that's a great idea, body doubling is really helpful. i just get embarrassed telling people irl about my issues

how about this, i will respond to this comment later this week once i've called the psychiatrist

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

thank you, i will take that sign then :)

that's a great idea, body doubling is really helpful. i just get embarrassed telling people irl about my issues

how about this, i will respond to this comment later this week once i've called the psychiatrist

You got this, !!! Hope this helps. Reply back with gifs when you're done.

 

[sciatic214899]

like i'm really gonna fuck up my life if i keep avoiding the things i need to do, but i cant make myself do them, no matter how much or how little pressure i put on myself. even things i know i'll enjoy, i cant make myself do them, it feels like a demand on my time and energy. and then i feel really guilty and ashamed for not doing basic things, and for failing, and for disappointing the people around me, which then makes it harder to do things.

how do i fix this i am DESPERATE. like i'm considering buying a shock collar to force myself to do things. except i live with other people who would be concerned, and for good reason...

I relate to this all too much. I have fantasized about shock collars in the past, too, and a few years ago I asked a friend to hurt me whenever I didn't complete homework on time ( don't do this). In the long term aversive conditioning, like shock collars and other punishments, increases the shame and stress we already feel, making it harder to approach tasks and reducing our self confidence. Don't punish yourself, it doesn't work !!

If you have this much trouble doing the things you want to do (normal people do not often fantasize about shock collars as a productivity hack ) consider looking into ADHD and associated treatments. The Adult Self Report Scale is what I used to evaluate myself and decide that I needed follow up from a psych. Even if you don't have (the DSM definition of) ADHD, coping and organizational strategies for ADHD can help a wide variety of people.

What helped for me was external accountability, and stimulants.

I love body doubling as external accountability. You can get it sneakily by calling someone and asking for on-the-phone company while you do chores. Additionally, any real life obligations can serve as accountability. I never have a good sleep schedule when I am #unemployed and #isolating but when I have classes, clubs, scheduled hangouts with friends or appointments during the day, I find it is much easier to have a consistent sleep schedule. It is difficult to have a paper written on-time when I abide by the deadline, but when I schedule office hours with my professor a week before the paper, it's easier to have something completed.

You mention finding things more difficult to complete because you feel them as a "demand". If you'd like, take a look at demand sensitivity (not necessarily a diagnosis, just a concept). You may have to figure out how to structure your life so things you must do do not feel like orders you are forced to do, but tasks you complete of your own agency. I had an alarm set for months that was titled "TAKE YOUR DAMN MEDS", and I ignored it every single day. I decided to forego the alarm and seriously consider if I wanted to take medication for my own reasons. I do not have a medication alarm now, but I take my meds (near) daily, because I want to, not because pixels on a screen tell me to. I understand not all things can be chosen, but one can find a self-chosen reason to do many things that feel imposed.

As for stimulants, (for ADHD), the gold standard are psych meds if you can get ahold of them, but if you cannot, for years I swore by four packets of black tea a day. Not ideal, obviously, but it helped me.

In general, I have read that executive function increases with age. The older you get, the more you'll learn about yourself, and the more skilled you'll be at getting yourself to do things, on average. It is a cliche, but in this case, things really do get better.

Yay good luck to you! I believe in you so much, okay? Please report back with what works for you!

 

[bagel12]

I relate to this all too much. I have fantasized about shock collars in the past, too, and a few years ago I asked a friend to hurt me whenever I didn't complete homework on time ( don't do this). In the long term aversive conditioning, like shock collars and other punishments, increases the shame and stress we already feel, making it harder to approach tasks and reducing our self confidence. Don't punish yourself, it doesn't work !!

If you have this much trouble doing the things you want to do (normal people do not often fantasize about shock collars as a productivity hack ) consider looking into ADHD and associated treatments. The Adult Self Report Scale is what I used to evaluate myself and decide that I needed follow up from a psych. Even if you don't have (the DSM definition of) ADHD, coping and organizational strategies for ADHD can help a wide variety of people.

What helped for me was external accountability, and stimulants.

I love body doubling as external accountability. You can get it sneakily by calling someone and asking for on-the-phone company while you do chores. Additionally, any real life obligations can serve as accountability. I never have a good sleep schedule when I am #unemployed and #isolating but when I have classes, clubs, scheduled hangouts with friends or appointments during the day, I find it is much easier to have a consistent sleep schedule. It is difficult to have a paper written on-time when I abide by the deadline, but when I schedule office hours with my professor a week before the paper, it's easier to have something completed.

You mention finding things more difficult to complete because you feel them as a "demand". If you'd like, take a look at demand sensitivity (not necessarily a diagnosis, just a concept). You may have to figure out how to structure your life so things you must do do not feel like orders you are forced to do, but tasks you complete of your own agency. I had an alarm set for months that was titled "TAKE YOUR DAMN MEDS", and I ignored it every single day. I decided to forego the alarm and seriously consider if I wanted to take medication for my own reasons. I do not have a medication alarm now, but I take my meds (near) daily, because I want to, not because pixels on a screen tell me to. I understand not all things can be chosen, but one can find a self-chosen reason to do many things that feel imposed.

As for stimulants, (for ADHD), the gold standard are psych meds if you can get ahold of them, but if you cannot, for years I swore by four packets of black tea a day. Not ideal, obviously, but it helped me.

In general, I have read that executive function increases with age. The older you get, the more you'll learn about yourself, and the more skilled you'll be at getting yourself to do things, on average. It is a cliche, but in this case, things really do get better.

Yay good luck to you! I believe in you so much, okay? Please report back with what works for you!

omg do we live the same life? down to the shock collar!! i'm sorry that you went through this too, but it makes me feel so much better that i'm not the only one who's thought of this lol

i appreciate your point about how long term, punishing myself just makes things more stressful/shameful. i feel like that's part of the problem for me... years of being upset at myself for things just builds up over time, making it seem more and more difficult.

funny that you say that, i am diagnosed with adhd! i used to take stimulants, then i kept forgetting to call the psychiatrist, and now i haven't taken meds for a long time... this thread is a motivator for me to call my psychiatrist again and get back on meds. the main issue was that my meds had some negative side effects, both physical and mental. i feel like they make me a less fun/social person, and also my bfrbs get sooo bad on them. but i think i'll try to be better about taking them consistently and see if the side effects get better, otherwise i'll talk to my psychiatrist about it and see if there are alternatives.

i really appreciate your advice on external accountability and body doubling! because when it's just up to me, i shirk my responsibilities, but when i'm with others, i do what i'm supposed to. i used to use this strategy more, but i started isolating myself out of depression/shame. i will try to get better at reaching out to people and setting up real life obligations, i think that will help a lot :)

what you said about demand sensitivity/avoidance... it's like you're reading my mind if it's ok for me to ask, how did you get yourself to want to do things? like how do you make it feel self-chosen? when i need to do something, my instant emotional response is "i don't wanna do this" and it's very difficult to reason myself into doing it, even when i know it's something that i'll benefit from and enjoy.

thank you so much for the advice! your comment is so kind, informative and encouraging, and i really appreciate it :) i swear you should be like an adhd life coach or something lol

also, i wish you the best of luck with dealing with these symptoms too! and more broadly, i wish you the best of luck dealing with everything, since you are on this site as well. if you ever need to vent or an accountability buddy or something, i'm here to listen :)

 

[ilovecats1]

im so so much like this as well. i actually forbid myself from doing things i enjoy to do because i dont do anything that i actually HAVE to.

 

[orangecrush]

oh sheesh... if you don't mind me talking a bit about myself on your thread, i can relate so much to this especially right now. i know some of the stuff i talk about might be redundant but maybe itll help you and other people feel a bit less alone to hear the ramblings of a chronic procrastinator.

i have so many things i need to do. embarrassingly simple things. for example: right now i need to go to the bathroom. i know i need to go. i know that i will feel better once i go. but for some reason I CANNOT GET UP. i am literally writing this to procrastinate PISSING.

i have dozens, if not nearly a hundred people that i have not been able to respond to, culminated over the years. just simple messages too, like all they say to me is something like, "hi, thinking of you, heres a funny meme" and for some reason i cannot bring myself to respond. and it's not just friends, it's family members too, literally nobody is safe from my procrastination. and i know, logically, that responding will not lead to a negative outcome, instead it will probably make me feel a lot better and ease a bit of anxiety. and yet i cannot do it. and i feel so guilty about it :(

i used to be "motivated" in school because of my anxiety making me feel like if i did not do well, then people would hate me. but now that i'm in secondary education, the anxiety has eased a bit, which has the unfortunate side effect of making it much easier for me to procrastinate on assignments. i ended up getting stuck in the cycle of pushing myself to stay up later and later because i didn't get my homework done. this lead to many all-nighters, far too many for a depressed suicidal person to be going through. i did so many 4-week long projects in just the few days before they were due. now that i'm on a break from school and i'm unemployed, my sleep schedule has effectively flipped, i go to bed at 12pm and wake up at 9pm. it's good that i'm getting sleep now, but its terrible because i am basically nocturnal, which i hate. the scars of a routine of little sleep take so long to fade.

i used to be on adhd meds, but got too depressed to make appointments with the psychiatrist, so he stopped prescribing them. maybe this is a sign that i should call his office. or maybe meth would be easier!

aaaaand this is exactly the same situation i am in too but with my antidepressants it's genuinely really funny to me that this STUPID DISORDER is so good at preventing us from getting help. i have not been taking my antidepressants for years now. even when i was prescribed them, i would always forget to take them, which i know is really bad. it lead to some really fun withdrawal symptoms that i had every chance to avoid.

to extend on that- that's also why i stopped going to therapy! not because it wasn't helping or because of any logical reason but because i just couldn't bring myself to schedule another appointment. and in the past few days i've already managed to completely fumble trying to find another therapist. i got so far in the intake process but then just never answered any of their calls! wow! i lowkey feel so bad for the receptionist, she tried so hard. and now i'm struggling to not repeat the same thing with a completely DIFFERENT therapy office because i was so embarassed that i ghosted the original place, that i couldn't bring myself to call them back. it's so pathetic it's almost kind of funny. right now im dreading opening my email to see if they messaged me back.

so yeah. when you say it's ruining your life i feel that so hard. this shit is genuinely debilitating. i wish that i had advice, but your guess is as good as mine lol. i've never been medicated for adhd but i'm starting to think it might be helpful.

 

[MessyNonsense]

Yo everyone in this thread is describing something called adhd block and yes meds (can) help

EDIT: I never know how receptive people are gonna be to this but fuck it, i'll also suggest flower essences. And homeopathy. Those are the things that will fix the underlying issue, meds on the other hand are often just a band-aid. Not to say band-aids can't be useful as first steps, but yeah.

 

[bagel12]

oh sheesh... if you don't mind me talking a bit about myself on your thread, i can relate so much to this especially right now. i know some of the stuff i talk about might be redundant but maybe itll help you and other people feel a bit less alone to hear the ramblings of a chronic procrastinator.

i have so many things i need to do. embarrassingly simple things. for example: right now i need to go to the bathroom. i know i need to go. i know that i will feel better once i go. but for some reason I CANNOT GET UP. i am literally writing this to procrastinate PISSING.

i have dozens, if not nearly a hundred people that i have not been able to respond to, culminated over the years. just simple messages too, like all they say to me is something like, "hi, thinking of you, heres a funny meme" and for some reason i cannot bring myself to respond. and it's not just friends, it's family members too, literally nobody is safe from my procrastination. and i know, logically, that responding will not lead to a negative outcome, instead it will probably make me feel a lot better and ease a bit of anxiety. and yet i cannot do it. and i feel so guilty about it :(

i used to be "motivated" in school because of my anxiety making me feel like if i did not do well, then people would hate me. but now that i'm in secondary education, the anxiety has eased a bit, which has the unfortunate side effect of making it much easier for me to procrastinate on assignments. i ended up getting stuck in the cycle of pushing myself to stay up later and later because i didn't get my homework done. this lead to many all-nighters, far too many for a depressed suicidal person to be going through. i did so many 4-week long projects in just the few days before they were due. now that i'm on a break from school and i'm unemployed, my sleep schedule has effectively flipped, i go to bed at 12pm and wake up at 9pm. it's good that i'm getting sleep now, but its terrible because i am basically nocturnal, which i hate. the scars of a routine of little sleep take so long to fade.


aaaaand this is exactly the same situation i am in too but with my antidepressants it's genuinely really funny to me that this STUPID DISORDER is so good at preventing us from getting help. i have not been taking my antidepressants for years now. even when i was prescribed them, i would always forget to take them, which i know is really bad. it lead to some really fun withdrawal symptoms that i had every chance to avoid.

to extend on that- that's also why i stopped going to therapy! not because it wasn't helping or because of any logical reason but because i just couldn't bring myself to schedule another appointment. and in the past few days i've already managed to completely fumble trying to find another therapist. i got so far in the intake process but then just never answered any of their calls! wow! i lowkey feel so bad for the receptionist, she tried so hard. and now i'm struggling to not repeat the same thing with a completely DIFFERENT therapy office because i was so embarassed that i ghosted the original place, that i couldn't bring myself to call them back. it's so pathetic it's almost kind of funny. right now im dreading opening my email to see if they messaged me back.

so yeah. when you say it's ruining your life i feel that so hard. this shit is genuinely debilitating. i wish that i had advice, but your guess is as good as mine lol. i've never been medicated for adhd but i'm starting to think it might be helpful.

just wanted to say that i'm so so sorry that you're dealing with this too. it does make me feel better to know i'm not the only one though. i procrastinate basic bodily functions all the time too. my default emotional reaction to EVERYTHING is "ugh i really dont want to do this right now." even for using the restroom, going to sleep, drinking water, etc. i feel like a defective human lol

i also really understand the guilt you're describing at not responding to people. i have hundreds of messages i never responded to. it makes me feel like shit that people are kind enough to reach out and i just never respond. and the more time that passes the more shame and guilt i feel about it :( even though logically they probably aren't judging me and they'd be happy to hear from me. it just feels like so much pressure. im sorry that you are going through this as well.

i totally get procrastinating assignments and pulling all nighters. the only thing that motivates me is imminent deadlines or if people are really upset at me. obviously this is a perfect way to live and there are no downsides at all

im also sorry about the issues you're having with staying consistent with meds and therapy. if it makes you feel better, i have had a medical issue for years and doctors kept calling me to try to fix it/help me, and i just... never responded. to this day i feel so bad about it, people went out of their way to help me and i couldn't respond. i try to remind myself that they probably have lots of patients like this, and they probably dont take it personally, but it still feels pretty bad.

i feel like the curse of adhd is that im doomed to be inconsistent in a world that values consistency and demonizes inconsistency. being inconsistent means i dont have a stable income, stable health, or stable friendships. if i dont get my shit together i will eventually lose stable housing and having a stable food supply. other people think that me being inconsistent means i dont care, and it crushes me. im inconsistent in part because i care so much that it's paralyzing and overwhelming. every time im inconsistent, i beat myself up for it and the shame and guilt gets worse. and in turn the shame and guilt make it harder to be consistent. it's a horrible cycle.

i was able to get back on my adhd meds for now and one nice thing about adhd meds is that if you forget to take them you dont get withdrawal symptoms (comapred to ssris). and when im on them, everything feels a little easier. i dont have to yell at myself to do things when im on adhd meds. i dont feel paralyzed on adhd meds. i feel less emotional turmoil/anger at myself on adhd meds. my underlying difficulties with executive dysfunction and shame/guilt are still there, but it's a little easier to function. i do have some side effects but there are other types of adhd meds in my country that i can switch to if needed.

if you can't access adhd meds, i wonder if something like an energy drink or caffeine would help in the meantime. celsius energy drinks help me. also listening to music helps me feel more motivated. like if i need to get up to use the restroom or brush my teeth or something, i start playing music and it helps.

mostly i just want to say you aren't alone and im sorry you're going through this

 

[telekon]

like i'm really gonna fuck up my life if i keep avoiding the things i need to do, but i cant make myself do them, no matter how much or how little pressure i put on myself. even things i know i'll enjoy, i cant make myself do them, it feels like a demand on my time and energy. and then i feel really guilty and ashamed for not doing basic things, and for failing, and for disappointing the people around me, which then makes it harder to do things.

how do i fix this i am DESPERATE. like i'm considering buying a shock collar to force myself to do things. except i live with other people who would be concerned, and for good reason...

Same I'm fucked. If it's a competition I win. I moved into my apartment on the 15th and I have not unpacked a single thing. There's a bed and for the entire 15 days my suitcases have been on the bed because it's the only place to put them and I've been laying on the floor on a roll up mattress. The rest of the floor is cluttered with boxes. Some are opened like the forks and plates as I go through them, rinsing them with water after use and that's it. There's opened Chef Boyardee and cans of corn cluttering my windowsill that I just eat out of the can without even cooking them. I'm eating Mr. Noodles packets slathered in peanut butter. There's a perfectly good kitchen and I'm not using it. I shower maybe once every 3 days. I go out for cigarettes and that's it. Other than that I'm drinking wine, playing Sims and looking at Tumblr porn blogs to escape my real life. There's wine and beer everywhere that I have to clean up tomorrow lest my landlord comes in the apartment and sees the absolutely psychotic state I'm in. The rent is due in 3 days and I don't have it. I had it, but now I'm 150$ short because I decided to buy McDonalds to go with the alcohol and cigarettes. I used to be a really capable human being but I've been homeless and living in a storage unit for the past 4-5 months that I've gotten so used to living out of boxes and living my entire life on the floor that I forgot how to be a human. I could have the drive to organize my shit and actually "move myself in" but I'm self-sabotaging and I don't feel like I'm at home, or like I will actually stay here. I don't know why, because the alternative is homelessness and I'm not doing that again. I know I can afford rent because I'm on welfare and the rent isn't that high, but this month I shot myself in the foot. I don't know why I can't just get up and start, or why I can't control myself anymore. I want to stay in bed for just a couple more hours before it becomes days, and weeks, and now months.

 

[bagel12]

Same I'm fucked. If it's a competition I win. I moved into my apartment on the 15th and I have not unpacked a single thing. There's a bed and for the entire 15 days my suitcases have been on the bed because it's the only place to put them and I've been laying on the floor on a roll up mattress. The rest of the floor is cluttered with boxes. Some are opened like the forks and plates as I go through them, rinsing them with water after use and that's it. There's opened Chef Boyardee and cans of corn cluttering my windowsill that I just eat out of the can without even cooking them. I'm eating Mr. Noodles packets slathered in peanut butter. There's a perfectly good kitchen and I'm not using it. I shower maybe once every 3 days. I go out for cigarettes and that's it. Other than that I'm drinking wine, playing Sims and looking at Tumblr porn blogs to escape my real life. There's wine and beer everywhere that I have to clean up tomorrow lest my landlord comes in the apartment and sees the absolutely psychotic state I'm in. The rent is due in 3 days and I don't have it. I had it, but now I'm 150$ short because I decided to buy McDonalds to go with the alcohol and cigarettes. I used to be a really capable human being but I've been homeless and living in a storage unit for the past 4-5 months that I've gotten so used to living out of boxes and living my entire life on the floor that I forgot how to be a human. I could have the drive to organize my shit and actually "move myself in" but I'm self-sabotaging and I don't feel like I'm at home, or like I will actually stay here. I don't know why, because the alternative is homelessness and I'm not doing that again. I know I can afford rent because I'm on welfare and the rent isn't that high, but this month I shot myself in the foot. I don't know why I can't just get up and start, or why I can't control myself anymore. I want to stay in bed for just a couple more hours before it becomes days, and weeks, and now months.

i'm sorry you're dealing with this change and transitions are hard. moving is a huge undertaking, i dont blame you at all. i moved a year ago and i still live out of my suitcases instead of unpacking.

i understand the desire to escape. i like the sims because it's easy to give the sims good lives and to take care of their basic needs, even though it's impossible to do those things for myself. unfortunately my computer cant handle the sims so i had to delete it. before that i used to play the sims instead of sleeping.

i rely on music and caffeine to get anything done. or making a game out of things like pretending to be a sports announcer narrating my actions as i clean, or making a game out of how many red items can i pick up in 5 minutes or something like that. luckily i was able to get back on meds again so im hoping they make things easier too. i think my brain is defective lol, it wants positive neurotransmitters all the time or else i feel like shit.

i am sorry that you're going through this, and i hope things become less difficult. i know its easy to feel shame or self hatred about these things but please try to be kind to yourself.

 

[telekon]

i'm sorry you're dealing with this change and transitions are hard. moving is a huge undertaking, i dont blame you at all. i moved a year ago and i still live out of my suitcases instead of unpacking.

i understand the desire to escape. i like the sims because it's easy to give the sims good lives and to take care of their basic needs, even though it's impossible to do those things for myself. unfortunately my computer cant handle the sims so i had to delete it. before that i used to play the sims instead of sleeping.

i rely on music and caffeine to get anything done. or making a game out of things like pretending to be a sports announcer narrating my actions as i clean, or making a game out of how many red items can i pick up in 5 minutes or something like that. luckily i was able to get back on meds again so im hoping they make things easier too. i think my brain is defective lol, it wants positive neurotransmitters all the time or else i feel like shit.

i am sorry that you're going through this, and i hope things become less difficult. i know its easy to feel shame or self hatred about these things but please try to be kind to yourself.

Oh shit so I'm not the only one o.0 I really need to do this for myself, it's just such a small space. I don't have a dresser or anywhere to put my clothes atm but I can't live out of suitcases forever.

I'm playing Sims Bustin' Out on a Dolphin emulator and I gotta say it's fun af, but I just realized that I've been playing for wayyy too long.

The shame and self-hatred is insane right now too. I had a job at the beginning of the month and I fucked it up before it even started I feel like calling my doctor tomorrow and telling him I want to die. I prayed to God for the first time in almost a year just so I don't jump in front of a train.

 

[orangecrush]

i feel like the curse of adhd is that im doomed to be inconsistent in a world that values consistency and demonizes inconsistency. being inconsistent means i dont have a stable income, stable health, or stable friendships. if i dont get my shit together i will eventually lose stable housing and having a stable food supply. other people think that me being inconsistent means i dont care, and it crushes me. im inconsistent in part because i care so much that it's paralyzing and overwhelming. every time im inconsistent, i beat myself up for it and the shame and guilt gets worse. and in turn the shame and guilt make it harder to be consistent. it's a horrible cycle.

wow, you wrote that so well it really sums up exactly how it feels. i almost cried reading it haha. i am the definition of inconsistent.

you've seen my other thread where i finally got the courage to call the therapy office and got referred to iop. so yeah soon i can also say i will be on adhd meds and my antidepressants again :) it's little steps forward until we can eventually be consistent enough to be functional. i doubt it will fix everything but im hopeful adhd meds can help a little bit with the self-sabotaging.

hope you take care, bagel, you always write such nice messages on every thread youre on, i notice that and i rlly appreciate it and im sure everyone else does too.

 

[bagel12]

Oh shit so I'm not the only one o.0 I really need to do this for myself, it's just such a small space. I don't have a dresser or anywhere to put my clothes atm but I can't live out of suitcases forever.

I'm playing Sims Bustin' Out on a Dolphin emulator and I gotta say it's fun af, but I just realized that I've been playing for wayyy too long.

The shame and self-hatred is insane right now too. I had a job at the beginning of the month and I fucked it up before it even started I feel like calling my doctor tomorrow and telling him I want to die. I prayed to God for the first time in almost a year just so I don't jump in front of a train.

i definitely get you, moving in feels like way too many steps. it's never as simple as "put clothes away" it's always like 20 other steps in between.

i haven't played that sims game! that's cool that it has mission based gameplay and freeplay mode

the economy is rough right now, don't beat yourself up too bad. at this point i swear jobs are looking for reasons to NOT hire people. half the people i know are unemployed or just barely scraping by, myself included.

honestly i think it's definitely worth calling your doctor. you can even leave a message today and ask them to call you back tomorrow if that's better. it took me ages to work up the courage to call my psychiatrist but really i'm glad i did, i feel like i'm at least giving myself a chance now, you know?

take care friend i am sending good vibes your way.

wow, you wrote that so well it really sums up exactly how it feels. i almost cried reading it haha. i am the definition of inconsistent.

you've seen my other thread where i finally got the courage to call the therapy office and got referred to iop. so yeah soon i can also say i will be on adhd meds and my antidepressants again :) it's little steps forward until we can eventually be consistent enough to be functional. i doubt it will fix everything but im hopeful adhd meds can help a little bit with the self-sabotaging.

hope you take care, bagel, you always write such nice messages on every thread youre on, i notice that and i rlly appreciate it and im sure everyone else does too.

i am glad that it resonated with you and while i am SO sorry that you deal with this too, i hope it helps to know you aren't alone in feeling this way i am so proud of you for calling the therapy office!! i know how hard it is to work up the courage to do that. and don't worry if the first adhd med doesn't work, sometimes you have to try a few options before finding the one that works best! but they really do help me. one thing i will say, make sure to eat a meal before taking meds, for me they dont work well on an empty stomach. and also try to stay hydrated, sometimes they can dry you out.

little steps forward, i like that idea a lot :)

and thank you so much for your kind words, i really do try to leave kind and thoughtful comments on here and it means a lot that they are noticed and appreciated :) i am rooting for you!