Venting I'm really insecure about missing out on the "college experience".

[UserHussein]

I've been going through a depression recently, over reflecting of all the experiences I missed out on.

I went to a Community College for three years, it was only supposed to take two years but I messed up, got poor grades, had to drop and retake courses and I finished in three years. After that, my Community College grades just were never good, and the only school that accepted me was the one I dreaded most at having to go.
This school that I'm currently in is notorious for not having a party and social scene.
I looked on Instagram, before I deleted my account, and I see people who in the past two years while I was in the Community College, really living it up. They are going to parties, studying abroad, dating, and all that stuff.
College is supposed to be when you really explore yourself, other people, and have the 'best four years of you life', and the 'college experience'. But because I go to a University which is notorious for not having any parties or social scene, I will probably never be able to do any of that. I actually do have friends, female friends even, who sort of hinted at all the hooking up and partying, drinking and drugs they were doing at school (completely different schools). One of theme even studied abroad in Paris where she went to nightclubs and even f****ed one of her male study abroad mates.

Also, not all of my Community College credits transferred through, so including this semester, I'll graduate within three years instead of two like I was hoping.

I will never know what it is like to be a young, stupid, and free person having the time of his life. I missed out on teen love, and now I'm missing out on the college experience. Within three years, I'll be a miserable wagie dragging himself to the office just like how I miserably drag myself to the classroom. I'll never know what it's like to have a group of my friends walk through a college town or a street in Paris and have fun at clubs. That's it, I missed out.

Even if I do get a girlfriend after graduating, firstly, she has been through 30+ chad/fratboy dicks. Secondly, she would no longer be a young and careless free person. After college, people are all formal stiffs who don't live the young person life anymore. They've gone through it and are over it, and are too mature to live like that anymore.

 

[Cage]

I'm currently attending a fairly prestigious university for myself, in a bustling town with a huge student population, thriving nightlife and all that good crap. Lots of my classmates went travelling over the break, they all have connections on campus, they've all gone drinking and partying, hooked up, yadda yadda. So I'm surrounded by this stuff constantly and theoretically could easily partake in it if I wanted to.

But here's the thing right. For as wonderful as it all may seem to someone who's never come close to doing it, it is a truly disgusting culture when you actually look at it critically. This whole "young, dumb, wild and free" kind of culture is something that I absolutely hate, for a number of reasons:

1. It is founded on the exploitation of the world's poor and working class. Think of all the people who built these bars, these schools, these planes, these travel agencies, etc., just for a bunch of ungrateful over-privileged losers to use them to indulge in all their hedonistic degeneracies. The workers who built these establishments should be the ones who get to have them all to themselves, but they don't. It's the people who deserve them least that get to use them.
2. Drinking and fucking all the time is just flat out degenerate behaviour. It is an absolute disgrace and shame. Such behaviour is completely disruptive to building a civilized and well-ordered society and you are actively on the wrong side of history if you partake in such acts. All the studies show that excessive drinking, promiscuity, permissiveness, etc., are all extremely bad for you. So frankly I think you should be proud of yourself for never falling into that hole even if you wanted to.
3. Travelling is a huge privilege, especially when big cities and popular tourist attractions are involved. Nothing screams privilege, greed and vapidness like travelling to Paris to go up the Eiffel Tower or whatever. The vast, vast 95% of the population hardly gets to leave their hometown. All this privileged shit is just directly spitting in the face of the world's exploited. Every time you travel somewhere, you're taking up a spot that some lonely farmer in Mongolia probably would've loved to have for himself.
4. As you kind of already mentioned, most Western women these days are either useless vapid sluts or overly uptight bitches wouldn't know how to treat a man right to save their life, so there's really no point in wishing for something that doesn't exist. Most relationships in general piss me off anyway because they're all a bunch of privileged sheltered losers who don't know what it's like to be lonely or struggle for anything.

So yeah, not saying I have any solutions, but those are just my personal thoughts as someone who does have some of the opportunities you don't. And in my opinion, you're really not missing out on much at all. As much as I've always hated myself, I'm glad I never became the "young and reckless" type.

 

[UserHussein]

@Cage Do you wind telling me exactly which University you go to? If you're uncomfortable reaving that on this forum, PM me.

I'm just curious.

 

[Cage]

@Cage Do you wind telling me exactly which University you go to? If you're uncomfortable reaving that on this forum, PM me.

I'm just curious.

I don't think it matters. They're all basically the same you know.

 

[UserHussein]

I don't think it matters. They're all basically the same you know.

All Universities are the same? Really? One of the things that really makes me jealous and envious of my peers in the University rankings. I'm really insecure of the fact that I go to a University with such a low National ranking.

https://www.usnews.com/best-colleges/rankings/national-universities

If Universities are all the same, then explain the existence of this list.

 

[Cage]

All Universities are the same? Really? One of the things that really makes me jealous and envious of my peers in the University rankings. I'm really insecure of the fact that I go to a University with such a low National ranking.

https://www.usnews.com/best-colleges/rankings/national-universities

If Universities are all the same, then explain the existence of this list.

I meant the same as in they all have the same shitty youth culture attached to them.

 

[Incandescent]

I went to a relatively prestigious school with a social and party scene and whatnot, and hated every second of it. It was the single worst personal decision of my life. I left without any real friends and a hatred of my peers for their shallowness and vapidity. I can understand and relate to your fear of missing out. I understand that some things you have to experience for yourself to believe, but all I can do is assure you again and again that it's nowhere near as valuable as you imagine in your head.
There are many ways to be young and stupid. Once you get your degree you can easily get a job teaching english abroad and have all sorts of fun in a different country, if that's really what's important to you.

 

[UserHussein]

but all I can do is assure you again and again that it's nowhere near as valuable as you imagine in your head.

Really? Do you promise? Because I keep being told by people I know IRL that greek life is incredibly overrated, and yet I don't believe them. I genuinely think that they're lying to me about how wonderful college is, to make me feel better.

These are supposed to be the "best four years of my life", and yet I'm miserable, rotting away and getting older, missing out on experiences that people much younger than me are having.

 

[STTP]

Really? Do you promise? Because I keep being told by people I know IRL that greek life is incredibly overrated, and yet I don't believe them. I genuinely think that they're lying to me about how wonderful college is, to make me feel better.

These are supposed to be the "best four years of my life", and yet I'm miserable, rotting away and getting older, missing out on experiences that people much younger than me are having.

I'm there with you - I go to a college with plenty of social shit, but I commute because I'm poor, and have crazy social anxiety. Not one friend on campus.. but I honestly try not to find much wrong with it. Greek life really is awful and overrated, and is just as bad as it is good, from what I've seen of my highschool friends.
Of course, having an IRL group and social life is good for the brain, but greek life and vapid parties isn't it. It's a club of people with the same hobbies, or just a group of friends you talk to online and meet up with occasionally. Fuck, put fliers up for a small discord server and advertise it for people with no friends, you'll have a few friends soon enough. Things will work out from there.

 

[Incandescent]

Really? Do you promise? Because I keep being told by people I know IRL that greek life is incredibly overrated, and yet I don't believe them. I genuinely think that they're lying to me about how wonderful college is, to make me feel better.

These are supposed to be the "best four years of my life", and yet I'm miserable, rotting away and getting older, missing out on experiences that people much younger than me are having.

I was never a part of Greek life, but I absolutely don't think it's worth it from what I saw. The main benefit is they have really great social access to a lot of beautiful women. Which in fairness is a nice benefit.
But as individuals frat boys just seemed very cookie cutter, spoon-fed jocks with average to limited brain capacity. I would have felt very out of place among them. They also have no real privacy and limited freedom. Yes it's a brotherhood but you don't get to choose the assholes who become your brothers. If the house wants to blare Disney soundtracks 24/7 for the whole neighborhood then that's what they'll do. If there's a social event you want/need to skip, it's not up to you, you have to represent the frat. IMHO if you like partying it's better just to have a group of friends that you go to college bars or clubs with when you want to go, because frats are genuinely as overrated as people are telling you.

 

[NumbItAll]

Really? Do you promise? Because I keep being told by people I know IRL that greek life is incredibly overrated, and yet I don't believe them. I genuinely think that they're lying to me about how wonderful college is, to make me feel better.

These are supposed to be the "best four years of my life", and yet I'm miserable, rotting away and getting older, missing out on experiences that people much younger than me are having.

It probably just depends on the person. Some people like partying but for me it sounds like a nightmare. I would never go to one even if invited. High school was promised to be fun too, and it was absolutely dreadful for me. How about you? I've always felt alienated from everyone. The partying lifestyle is very unhealthy too. I don't think staying up late doing drugs and alcohol should be celebrated. Missing out on sex is painful though I will give you that. But then again if you are someone who craves emotional intimacy then it's easy to get hurt too. Oh yeah don't worry about Instagram either, that's simply not reality whatsoever. It's good that you have some friends at least. Also you are probably saving a lot of money by going to community college.

 

[Cage]

It probably just depends on the person. Some people like partying but for me it sounds like a nightmare. I would never go to one even if invited. High school was promised to be fun too, and it was absolutely dreadful for me. How about you? I've always felt alienated from everyone. The partying lifestyle is very unhealthy too. I don't think staying up late doing drugs and alcohol should be celebrated. Missing out on sex is painful though I will give you that. But then again if you are someone who craves emotional intimacy then it's easy to get hurt too. Oh yeah don't worry about Instagram either, that's simply not reality whatsoever. It's good that you have some friends at least. Also you are probably saving a lot of money by going to community college.

I don't care about missing out on sex at all. Most Western women these days aren't worth the hassle, plus there's porn which always fulfills your desires much easier than real-life sex. Same goes with guys. I ain't getting into that Grindr shit no matter how lonely and desperate I get.

I'm aware that porn is bad for your brain but hey, we're on SS, not NoFap; we don't give a fuck do we?

 

[ipmanwc0]

I've been going through a depression recently, over reflecting of all the experiences I missed out on.

I went to a Community College for three years, it was only supposed to take two years but I messed up, got poor grades, had to drop and retake courses and I finished in three years. After that, my Community College grades just were never good, and the only school that accepted me was the one I dreaded most at having to go.
This school that I'm currently in is notorious for not having a party and social scene.
I looked on Instagram, before I deleted my account, and I see people who in the past two years while I was in the Community College, really living it up. They are going to parties, studying abroad, dating, and all that stuff.
College is supposed to be when you really explore yourself, other people, and have the 'best four years of you life', and the 'college experience'. But because I go to a University which is notorious for not having any parties or social scene, I will probably never be able to do any of that. I actually do have friends, female friends even, who sort of hinted at all the hooking up and partying, drinking and drugs they were doing at school (completely different schools). One of theme even studied abroad in Paris where she went to nightclubs and even f****ed one of her male study abroad mates.

Also, not all of my Community College credits transferred through, so including this semester, I'll graduate within three years instead of two like I was hoping.

I will never know what it is like to be a young, stupid, and free person having the time of his life. I missed out on teen love, and now I'm missing out on the college experience. Within three years, I'll be a miserable wagie dragging himself to the office just like how I miserably drag myself to the classroom. I'll never know what it's like to have a group of my friends walk through a college town or a street in Paris and have fun at clubs. That's it, I missed out.

Even if I do get a girlfriend after graduating, firstly, she has been through 30+ chad/fratboy dicks. Secondly, she would no longer be a young and careless free person. After college, people are all formal stiffs who don't live the young person life anymore. They've gone through it and are over it, and are too mature to live like that anymore.

damn this is exactly how i feel

 

[HighFlight]

@UserHussein - I'm sorry you're having to go through all of this. I realize I'm bringing a difference perspective to this topic, as I've been out of college for a long time, so admittedly so of this may be a little dated. That said, I suffered though a ton a social anxiety and childhood trauma that made high school and the start of college very difficult.

First, in regards to the college standings, those are based on measurable factors and you will always find the same schools at the top of the list. I know several people slightly older than you who went to some of the top 10 schools listed. And while they like the fact that they have a degree from the school, they hated their time there. Harvard, for example, my friend (25 yo now) said it was one big competition as every one was trying to be better than the next person. His sees the advantage of it is the network of alumni and the college's reputation made it easier to get a job. But he also said he wouldn't do it again. I think you'd find a very similar answer around frats - it's more about building a network of people.

Second, your college experience will be what you make of it. As @NumbItAll just said, this is really going to depend on the individual. If you don't want to party, don't feel like you have to. And if you do, find someone (maybe just your roommate or someone you're in class with) to hang with. This might help with the social anxiety, just knowing someone is there with you and has your back. To add to this, maybe instead of focusing on the frats or large social networks, look at having a smaller group of friends you feel comfortable with.

Regarding a girlfriend, if you're looking for a long-term partner, look at them as a whole person - mind, body and soul. If you connect, then the number of people they slept with previously shouldn't be a factor. (Not saying STD testing isn't important.) But if you look at them and all you see is their previous partners, then it's going to be tough finding someone you can love and respect. And if you're looking for a quick hook-up, keep in mind that you're now adding to number of people you've both slept with. IMHO, I don't think it's fair to have it both ways.

And finally, I don't think you're missing out on anything. This is a time in your life where it's societally-accepted that people will experiment as they make a transition from childhood to adulthood. But it also doesn't mean that YOU have to experiment with drugs, parties, sex, etc. It also doesn't mean that you're license to party ends when you get your diploma. Be yourself, and accept yourself for who you are.

I hope you can come to terms with some of your struggles and in doing so, lessen some of your depression. I may not be able to relate to some of today's college issues, but if you want a broader viewpoint, I'm happy to talk with you via PM.

 

[UserHussein]

If you don't want to party, don't feel like you have to.

The problem is that I want to party, my University doesn't have any.

 

[HighFlight]

Please be careful about sharing personally identifiable information on this site. While generally speaking, this is a safe and supportive community. you never know who is reading these threads.

I see that niche.com rates the uni's Party Scene as a C, but also says that only 3% of men are members of a frat.

But you're also in a major urban center, which I would think could translate into social opportunities outside of the immediate campus.

Curiosity makes me wonder why you choose this school, if social life was a major concern to you.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Curiosity makes me wonder why you choose this school, if social life was a major concern to you.

and the only school that accepted me was the one I dreaded most at having to go.

I guess the only solution is to try to be proactive and seek out those experiences yourself. If you're at UMBC go to events at UMD. And you still have your 20's to be young. You won't turn into a geriatric granddaddy as soon as you graduate.

 

[UserHussein]

I guess the only solution is to try to be proactive and seek out those experiences yourself. If you're at UMBC go to events at UMD. And you still have your 20's to be young. You won't turn into a geriatric granddaddy as soon as you graduate.

I have friends at UMD, I suppose I can try.

 

[HighFlight]

And you still have your 20's to be young. You won't turn into a geriatric granddaddy as soon as you graduate.

Agreed. Postpone your midlife crisis until you hit at least 30.

 

[UserHussein]

Agreed. Postpone your midlife crisis until you hit at least 30.

I'm not just insecure about the lack of partying and social scene. I as well attend a University that is not very prestigious or fancy. It's not very highly ranked.

I've always considered myself a rather smart guy, so for me to go to such a University hurts my ego.

Instagram doesn't help at all, seeing people attend Universities infinitely more prestigious than mine, with social scenes, massive football stadiums, college towns, parties, etc...

My University is where people go to miss out on all of the college experience.

 

[HighFlight]

My son is in a very similar situation and I'm worried about him. He originally got into the school he 'thought' he wanted and only lasted 1 semester (and earned 0 credits). He's now at a community college and is looking to transfer to a bachelor program. However, his top school has rejected him due to grades. He's devastated, but we're trying to help him find a backup school that he will want to attend.

It sounds like you've already been through this and are now at your backup school. And you're not happy.

First, try not to let the selection process hurt your ego. I know plenty of people who've gone to average schools, and frankly would prefer working with them over the ones from the prestigious schools and let everybody know it. The selection process is flawed in many ways.

Since this seems to really bother you, could you try transferring to a different school. You might still have time to get in next semester. Find a school that has a strong social life, but is average on the academics. Enjoy the social life and excel at academics. You'll probably end up with a better transcript and a higher GPA, which will help you when job hunting after school.

In the meantime, try @LaVieEnRose 's suggestion and attend UMD events, and still work to excel at the academics. I don't know what type of transportation you have available, but do know that you're in a good party of the country for both social and educational needs.

And I'd suggest you avoid Instagram (and other social media platforms) except for connecting with your immediate friends. Way too much pressure to keep up with everyone else, especially when so much of the content is a narrow view into the poster's world, or flat out exaggerated or fake.

And as far as the age thing goes, you still have plenty of time. So don't worry about that aspect yet.