Im ready. But i need to get a bus there.

[raindrops]

I am so sorry dear. My mother died when I was 8 from breast cancer, she was 32. If she had been diagnosed even a few years latter with the advancement of medicine maybe she would have lived. Nothing can ever fill that void that such a departure leaves.

Im so sorry, the pain of it never goes does it. You were basically my sisters age heartbreaking.
It feels like i miss her more as i get older.
I miss my mum every millisecond but i did sort of come to terms with her loss. It isnt the loss of my mum that makes me want to go, it is only part of the reason. ..I never thought Id need the ss community again and I truly thought the thought will end and id be better I thought getting a cat would.make me better.
Now I'm truly going to ctb I feel sad for my kitty but he won't have the life he's had here if I move back to my nan's he'd go downhill too. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me.

I am so sorry dear. My mother died when I was 8 from breast cancer, she was 32. If she had been diagnosed even a few years latter with the advancement of medicine maybe she would have lived. Nothing can ever fill that void that such a departure leaves.

Idk what will happen when I wake up I'm so scared guys I'm frightened I don't know how things will be I don't want to sleep
My cat playing with his little catnip mint toy it's so cute he seems happy he's playing and got zoomies,
I try hard to stay normal around him when i cry it freaks him out I think. He's such a lovely cat he's a ragdoll. I harness trained him as ragdolls are not very street wise. the only reason I've stopped crying is because of him .. I was sat on the kitchen floor now in the bedroom scared of sleep.

Im so sorry, the pain of it never goes does it. You were basically my sisters age heartbreaking.
It feels like i miss her more as i get older.
I miss my mum every millisecond but i did sort of come to terms with her loss. It isnt the loss of my mum that makes me want to go, it is only part of the reason. ..I never thought Id need the ss community again and I truly thought the thought will end and id be better I thought getting a cat would.make me better.
Now I'm truly going to ctb I feel sad for my kitty but he won't have the life he's had here if I move back to my nan's he'd go downhill too. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me.

Idk what will happen when I wake up I'm so scared guys I'm frightened I don't know how things will be I don't want to sleep
My cat playing with his little catnip mint toy it's so cute he seems happy he's playing and got zoomies,
I try hard to stay normal around him when i cry it freaks him out I think. He's such a lovely cat he's a ragdoll. I harness trained him as ragdolls are not very street wise. the only reason I've stopped crying is because of him .. I was sat on the kitchen floor now in the bedroom scared of sleep.

I've decided I'll leave a number with nan for the ragdoll society. I believe they pick ragdolls up for free I'm not sure, but I'm sure they exist to help re-home ragdolls with people who know what they need

Fuck no space to rehome fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuck. Just made it 100000000× harder.

Rescue & Rehome :: The British Ragdoll Cat Club

If you are interested in adopting a cat from us please note that we only accept applications for individual cats. Please see our TBRCC Rescue and Rehome Facebook page to see if you and your home would be suitable for any of our currently available cats.

www.tbrcc.co.uk

What will tomorrow bring? I hope and pray to the universe it works out okay
It will be fine. Oh please let it be fine please let it be love and light and understanding.
I want to live the life I've been living before today it seems my world has shattered, my life I made with my partner has changed I've pushed him away with my bpd.
I hate my brain

Im so sorry, the pain of it never goes does it. You were basically my sisters age heartbreaking.
It feels like i miss her more as i get older.
I miss my mum every millisecond but i did sort of come to terms with her loss. It isnt the loss of my mum that makes me want to go, it is only part of the reason. ..I never thought Id need the ss community again and I truly thought the thought will end and id be better I thought getting a cat would.make me better.
Now I'm truly going to ctb I feel sad for my kitty but he won't have the life he's had here if I move back to my nan's he'd go downhill too. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me.

Idk what will happen when I wake up I'm so scared guys I'm frightened I don't know how things will be I don't want to sleep
My cat playing with his little catnip mint toy it's so cute he seems happy he's playing and got zoomies,
I try hard to stay normal around him when i cry it freaks him out I think. He's such a lovely cat he's a ragdoll. I harness trained him as ragdolls are not very street wise. the only reason I've stopped crying is because of him .. I was sat on the kitchen floor now in the bedroom scared of sleep.

I've decided I'll leave a number with nan for the ragdoll society. I believe they pick ragdolls up for free I'm not sure, but I'm sure they exist to help re-home ragdolls with people who know what they need

Fuck no space to rehome fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuck. Just made it 100000000× harder.

Rescue & Rehome :: The British Ragdoll Cat Club

If you are interested in adopting a cat from us please note that we only accept applications for individual cats. Please see our TBRCC Rescue and Rehome Facebook page to see if you and your home would be suitable for any of our currently available cats.

www.tbrcc.co.uk

What will tomorrow bring? I hope and pray to the universe it works out okay
It will be fine. Oh please let it be fine please let it be love and light and understanding.
I want to live the life I've been living before today it seems my world has shattered, my life I made with my partner has changed I've pushed him away with my bpd.
I hate my brain

The only person to ever love me so truly and deeply and my trauma has pushed him away
My delusions, my disassociation.
My fear of abandonment has led me here. I don't feel sorry for myself I feel like this is my pay back for the horrible ways I act and think towards him. Do I say my partner still? What's happening why isn't God real why do people show apathy towards this mental health condition. I'm nothing

Im so sorry, the pain of it never goes does it. You were basically my sisters age heartbreaking.
It feels like i miss her more as i get older.
I miss my mum every millisecond but i did sort of come to terms with her loss. It isnt the loss of my mum that makes me want to go, it is only part of the reason. ..I never thought Id need the ss community again and I truly thought the thought will end and id be better I thought getting a cat would.make me better.
Now I'm truly going to ctb I feel sad for my kitty but he won't have the life he's had here if I move back to my nan's he'd go downhill too. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me.

Idk what will happen when I wake up I'm so scared guys I'm frightened I don't know how things will be I don't want to sleep
My cat playing with his little catnip mint toy it's so cute he seems happy he's playing and got zoomies,
I try hard to stay normal around him when i cry it freaks him out I think. He's such a lovely cat he's a ragdoll. I harness trained him as ragdolls are not very street wise. the only reason I've stopped crying is because of him .. I was sat on the kitchen floor now in the bedroom scared of sleep.

I've decided I'll leave a number with nan for the ragdoll society. I believe they pick ragdolls up for free I'm not sure, but I'm sure they exist to help re-home ragdolls with people who know what they need

Fuck no space to rehome fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuck. Just made it 100000000× harder.

Rescue & Rehome :: The British Ragdoll Cat Club

If you are interested in adopting a cat from us please note that we only accept applications for individual cats. Please see our TBRCC Rescue and Rehome Facebook page to see if you and your home would be suitable for any of our currently available cats.

www.tbrcc.co.uk

What will tomorrow bring? I hope and pray to the universe it works out okay
It will be fine. Oh please let it be fine please let it be love and light and understanding.
I want to live the life I've been living before today it seems my world has shattered, my life I made with my partner has changed I've pushed him away with my bpd.
I hate my brain

The only person to ever love me so truly and deeply and my trauma has pushed him away
My delusions, my disassociation.
My fear of abandonment has led me here. I don't feel sorry for myself I feel like this is my pay back for the horrible ways I act and think towards him. Do I say my partner still? What's happening why isn't God real why do people show apathy towards this mental health condition. I'm nothing

 

[raindrops]

Its 8 am now I have to prepare myself before its dark again.
I'm thinking falling backwards may be easier .. . I practiced on my bed falling back and wow it hurts your head actually.

 

[Tears in Rain]

Rocks and shallow water


Also the cliff can protrude out in areas of it

Good luck with everything. Sorry about your situation. Make sure you get the best spot that has a steep vertical fall.

 

[FallingGrace]

I want to live the life I've been living before today it seems my world has shattered, my life I made with my partner has changed I've pushed him away with my bpd.

Are you sure what has happened with your partner can't be repaired? Hope you're doing okay today

 

[raindrops]

Are you sure what has happened with your partner can't be repaired? Hope you're doing okay today

Tysm today i managed to hoover . I truly hope he'll come back . I'm so unsure what to do. It's not just the pain of him leaving (again). I've had so much trauma, and I'm sure others have got it worse but I can't handle this pain. I only have my nan & my cat, the cat is my reason for living. I love my nan dearly, but she caused a lot of trauma with alcoholism after my mother died. I'm broken and I don't think therapy will work or pills.

Good luck with everything. Sorry about your situation. Make sure you get the best spot that has a steep vertical fall.

Thank you, honestly. This is also another reason I'm worried it won't work quickly. I've tried looking on Google maps but it's hard to tell the drop...As bad as this sounds I will go towards where there is flowers from loved ones put down!! That's gotta be the right spot. My cat is my main concern though

Its 8 am now I have to prepare myself before its dark again.
I'm thinking falling backwards may be easier .. . I practiced on my bed falling back and wow it hurts your head actually.

I will get the courage eventually its just my cat. i don't know how to leave him comfortable without me caring for him because my nan can't do it