Decadent Snake
Caught in the cracks of time
- Feb 25, 2025
- 10
I'll preface this by saying that I have had chronic DPDR 24/7 for as long as I can remember (since all my memories feel like a dream), however I am speculating that this may have started at 9.
I don't think I have any trauma, yet I have a lot of symptoms of C-PTSD as well as DPDR, which apparently is usually caused by trauma. The only things I can remember that may have been traumatic is that I moved a lot when I was younger, going to 4 different schools in just K-5 alone and being bullied for a year.
However, the most significant part of that era was when I moved halfway in grade 1 and since I was the new kid, I didn't have any friends. But I do remember not really caring I think and was doing fine by myself.
In grade 2 I changed schools again and I was bullied by the leader of this group of girls I was "friends" with. I don't really remember much at all about my childhood before age 12, especially from there, but what I do remember is that the girl would always say mean things to me and make me cry and run away to the other side of the field. I was also ostracized in a way, so I didn't really have any solid friends there and just continued hanging out with the said toxic friend group. But from what I remember, I also really enjoyed playing with them and in most of my memories, I was fine and just doing my business as usual.
It's also probably important to note that my parents didn't really do anything about it and around 7 years later when I asked them about it, they just said I was just "strong" and toughed it out myself. When I look back on that time, I don't feel anything.
As well, my parents are caring and loving, but they don't really believe in mental illnesses/look down upon people with them. I also live in a relatively privileged family, so I had a good home life as well.
After grade 2 when I moved again to a different school it was smooth sailing for the rest of my years, where I met a lot of great people and thrived.
My memory is terrible though, so I don't remember much of anything at all from that year excluding around 8 memories. Even now, I seem to forget almost everything, from recent events that happened to what I was supposed to be doing when I go into a room. If it helps, I also suspect I may have ADHD.
After doing some research, I don't think this one period was bad enough to cause me trauma/C-PTSD and DPDR, but if it somehow did, then wtf??? Like just because I was bullied in grade 2 for a year meant I have to suffer with all these terrible mental illnesses for the rest of my life :/
Sorry if this is all over the place, I'm just really confused and lost. I don't know why I have these symptoms if I don't have trauma.
I don't think I have any trauma, yet I have a lot of symptoms of C-PTSD as well as DPDR, which apparently is usually caused by trauma. The only things I can remember that may have been traumatic is that I moved a lot when I was younger, going to 4 different schools in just K-5 alone and being bullied for a year.
However, the most significant part of that era was when I moved halfway in grade 1 and since I was the new kid, I didn't have any friends. But I do remember not really caring I think and was doing fine by myself.
In grade 2 I changed schools again and I was bullied by the leader of this group of girls I was "friends" with. I don't really remember much at all about my childhood before age 12, especially from there, but what I do remember is that the girl would always say mean things to me and make me cry and run away to the other side of the field. I was also ostracized in a way, so I didn't really have any solid friends there and just continued hanging out with the said toxic friend group. But from what I remember, I also really enjoyed playing with them and in most of my memories, I was fine and just doing my business as usual.
It's also probably important to note that my parents didn't really do anything about it and around 7 years later when I asked them about it, they just said I was just "strong" and toughed it out myself. When I look back on that time, I don't feel anything.
As well, my parents are caring and loving, but they don't really believe in mental illnesses/look down upon people with them. I also live in a relatively privileged family, so I had a good home life as well.
After grade 2 when I moved again to a different school it was smooth sailing for the rest of my years, where I met a lot of great people and thrived.
My memory is terrible though, so I don't remember much of anything at all from that year excluding around 8 memories. Even now, I seem to forget almost everything, from recent events that happened to what I was supposed to be doing when I go into a room. If it helps, I also suspect I may have ADHD.
After doing some research, I don't think this one period was bad enough to cause me trauma/C-PTSD and DPDR, but if it somehow did, then wtf??? Like just because I was bullied in grade 2 for a year meant I have to suffer with all these terrible mental illnesses for the rest of my life :/
Sorry if this is all over the place, I'm just really confused and lost. I don't know why I have these symptoms if I don't have trauma.
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