NeoN0va
beyond the end with you
- Sep 24, 2024
- 205
I was planning to meet with her for ever since I have bought SN, but fuck this went way worse than I expected.
Not only did I have to meet with her in the worst state I could possibly imagine myself in, but also my social anxiety has kicked in during the meeting a shit ton of times, where I just couldn't speak due to fear and shit. We've spoke about what happened to ourselves in the past 6 or so months, and it turns out she has already been to a psychologist, amazing. Fucking amazing. I'm out here, literally dead inside, the worst state I can possibly imagine myself in, standing on literal thing ice, trying not to die, and she was taken to the psychologist because she cried over losing contact with some other friend of her. It's not like I don't empathise her, but fuck... This is just crazy.
I've also told her that I'm suicidal and that I've gained everything necessary to actually CTB, yet she tried to... TALK ME OUT OF IT. The same exact thing she did the first time I have suicide thoughts. Holy fucking shit. I don't really understand what did she expect, but bro... Talking someone out of suicide WON'T WORK. Understand it. Especially that it's long term damage and it cannot be healed over short period of time. I can't seem to know if I regret or not meeting her, as I did finally vent to someone irl, but it just felt so weird.
I've also visited my local zoology shop down the town, but they sadly don't have Aquarium Test kits - Welp, I guess I will go without that and trust others words. Currently, I'm not even sure when I want to CTB, but I'll probably do it under some gigantic impulse, or when I feel like it. Either way, I'm going to make a post the closer the date comes. Hope you guys don't end up like me! Wish you all well deserved peace and until next time.
Not only did I have to meet with her in the worst state I could possibly imagine myself in, but also my social anxiety has kicked in during the meeting a shit ton of times, where I just couldn't speak due to fear and shit. We've spoke about what happened to ourselves in the past 6 or so months, and it turns out she has already been to a psychologist, amazing. Fucking amazing. I'm out here, literally dead inside, the worst state I can possibly imagine myself in, standing on literal thing ice, trying not to die, and she was taken to the psychologist because she cried over losing contact with some other friend of her. It's not like I don't empathise her, but fuck... This is just crazy.
I've also told her that I'm suicidal and that I've gained everything necessary to actually CTB, yet she tried to... TALK ME OUT OF IT. The same exact thing she did the first time I have suicide thoughts. Holy fucking shit. I don't really understand what did she expect, but bro... Talking someone out of suicide WON'T WORK. Understand it. Especially that it's long term damage and it cannot be healed over short period of time. I can't seem to know if I regret or not meeting her, as I did finally vent to someone irl, but it just felt so weird.
I've also visited my local zoology shop down the town, but they sadly don't have Aquarium Test kits - Welp, I guess I will go without that and trust others words. Currently, I'm not even sure when I want to CTB, but I'll probably do it under some gigantic impulse, or when I feel like it. Either way, I'm going to make a post the closer the date comes. Hope you guys don't end up like me! Wish you all well deserved peace and until next time.
