sorararara
in need of a miracle
- Feb 12, 2023
- 22
I finally felt content for the first time in months. I wasn't happy, but I was okay with living. I was finally in a place where i wasn't spending every single day fantasizing about ending it. Now I'm right back to where I started, I feel so alone again.
I would feel a bit better if the reason for my pain wasn't so fucking stupid and selfish. My obsession with being the best and my need for validation is ruining my life and it'll probably fuck with everyone around me as well.
I had 4 friends. I introduced them all to each other, and everything went well. 2 of the friends ended up being toxic so they were cut off. It hurt, but I was okay. Now it's just me and 2 of the friends. They're great. They're the best friends I could possibly ask for.
A couple of days ago, I learned that they started dating. It broke me. I gave them my congratulations but vented my concerns. They were extremely understanding and reassured me that everything would be fine.
I don't want to be this selfish, I despise how much this is hurting me. They've been nothing but amazing to me, and here I am wanting to die because they're going to be happy together.
I just want to be everyone's #1. Because I was the one who introduced everybody, I was the favorite in the friend group. I knew that probably wouldn't last, and I was okay with it, but this broke me. I'm third place, lmao. I'm no one's favorite.
It's so pathetic. No advice can even help me because the way I view friendships is so skewed beyond repair. I can't handle being anything but someone's favorite. The fact that I was removed from their #1 spot so fucking easily is killing me. I don't want to date either of them, but knowing that I wasn't even an option in that sense is making me feel even more inferior.
I didn't do anything differently from anyone else, I don't understand why people don't feel this way about me. I just want to mean the absolute most to the people in my life, and I can't deal with being anything less than the favorite.
I plan on distancing myself from them until we eventually stop talking. I don't want to outright drop them. I want things to end smoothly and with as little hurt to them as possible. I'm so disgusted with how this is making me feel and how selfish I am. They deserve better.
I've learned that I'm probably just incapable of having friends. I'll just end up hurting everyone I meet, so I give up. I'd rather be dead or alone than in a friendship where I'm possibly hurting someone who is good to me.
I'm not sure how I'll continue through life, or if I'll continue. Everything else is going well for me, which is amazing. I didn't think I'd make it this far, but I don't know. Being alone is what nearly killed me before, and now I'm at a point where being alone is my only option.
I would feel a bit better if the reason for my pain wasn't so fucking stupid and selfish. My obsession with being the best and my need for validation is ruining my life and it'll probably fuck with everyone around me as well.
I had 4 friends. I introduced them all to each other, and everything went well. 2 of the friends ended up being toxic so they were cut off. It hurt, but I was okay. Now it's just me and 2 of the friends. They're great. They're the best friends I could possibly ask for.
A couple of days ago, I learned that they started dating. It broke me. I gave them my congratulations but vented my concerns. They were extremely understanding and reassured me that everything would be fine.
I don't want to be this selfish, I despise how much this is hurting me. They've been nothing but amazing to me, and here I am wanting to die because they're going to be happy together.
I just want to be everyone's #1. Because I was the one who introduced everybody, I was the favorite in the friend group. I knew that probably wouldn't last, and I was okay with it, but this broke me. I'm third place, lmao. I'm no one's favorite.
It's so pathetic. No advice can even help me because the way I view friendships is so skewed beyond repair. I can't handle being anything but someone's favorite. The fact that I was removed from their #1 spot so fucking easily is killing me. I don't want to date either of them, but knowing that I wasn't even an option in that sense is making me feel even more inferior.
I didn't do anything differently from anyone else, I don't understand why people don't feel this way about me. I just want to mean the absolute most to the people in my life, and I can't deal with being anything less than the favorite.
I plan on distancing myself from them until we eventually stop talking. I don't want to outright drop them. I want things to end smoothly and with as little hurt to them as possible. I'm so disgusted with how this is making me feel and how selfish I am. They deserve better.
I've learned that I'm probably just incapable of having friends. I'll just end up hurting everyone I meet, so I give up. I'd rather be dead or alone than in a friendship where I'm possibly hurting someone who is good to me.
I'm not sure how I'll continue through life, or if I'll continue. Everything else is going well for me, which is amazing. I didn't think I'd make it this far, but I don't know. Being alone is what nearly killed me before, and now I'm at a point where being alone is my only option.
