Venting I'm only holding on for the holidays and I'm struggling to continue living even then.

[MercenariesofMidgar]

I struggle to cope with how much me living now is just so I don't continue inconveniencing my close ones further these last ~3 months. I plan to ctb somewhere in feb (and set everything up in jan). I don't want my family to think about me like that during the holidays (though ANYONE who dies with these causes are death are rarely remembered for what they did in life really) but regardless I still have to uphold the image that I care about work or school and I just can't... How could I care about grades if I won't be here for the end of next semester? Why care about any kind of job or whatever if it ultimately concern me now. So I look at my emails and messages I get pertaining to all that stuff and all I could do is stare at the words, unable to muster up the energy to do anything about it. Though talking about it now makes me feel a bit better about it. I can barely distract myself with books, movies, or video games because why bother playing them if A) Eternal nothingness is after-death or B) I reincarnate and forget about this life entirely. At best I watch youtube in the background as white noise.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of it all, personally I'll always be so tired of suffering in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best.