unrulydeerly
stuck in the haze that is my reality
- Jun 29, 2026
- 9
Recently my friend had a suicide attempt along with intense self harm. Now I'm sort of in the same boat. I feel like I'm just copying him and it makes me feel wrong. I feel so numb but in an acceptance sort of way, I don't know how to feel about it.
My self harm is getting worse, part of an attempt to distract myself from bad feelings but also because I'm very bad at verbalizing my struggles so I feel like I need a way to prove I'm hurting. It hurts a lot.
The same friend recommended an emergency mental health clinic. I'll probably end up going there but I'm not sure if it'll help this time. I feel so bad for putting these things on him when he's struggling so much himself. My other friends basically ditched so besides him it's only my family I can talk to and both my parents have had attempts/hospitalizations in the past few weeks (plus they abused/neglected me throughout my life).
I wish I could just be a pampered house cat or a wild fox sprinting through the snow. To take off like a bird
I want to believe there is truly nothing after I die. I think I'm starting to convince myself more.
My self harm is getting worse, part of an attempt to distract myself from bad feelings but also because I'm very bad at verbalizing my struggles so I feel like I need a way to prove I'm hurting. It hurts a lot.
The same friend recommended an emergency mental health clinic. I'll probably end up going there but I'm not sure if it'll help this time. I feel so bad for putting these things on him when he's struggling so much himself. My other friends basically ditched so besides him it's only my family I can talk to and both my parents have had attempts/hospitalizations in the past few weeks (plus they abused/neglected me throughout my life).
I wish I could just be a pampered house cat or a wild fox sprinting through the snow. To take off like a bird
I want to believe there is truly nothing after I die. I think I'm starting to convince myself more.
