Help I’m not sure I’m worth life

[Kwalls]

If I am living with no support, no plan, and no purpose, is it even worth trying for better? I'm not asking if I should kill myself, I just want to know how to measure my worth. My mother, stepmother, and my mother's extended family all fucking hate me. My best friend, my therapist, and my father all insist I'm a person they enjoy being around. I don't know what to believe. I feel very alone and hopeless. I leave for college in 2 weeks but I don't even know if college is something I actually want. I just needed to do something so people stopped looking at me like a waste of potential.

I wish so badly that I was dead, I've wanted death for a long time now. But at the same time I feel desperate for another way out. I can't figure out if I'm worth fighting for.

If I am living with no support, no plan, and no purpose, is it even worth trying for better? I'm not asking if I should kill myself, I just want to know how to measure my worth. My mother, stepmother, and my mother's extended family all fucking hate me. My best friend, my therapist, and my father all insist I'm a person they enjoy being around. I don't know what to believe. I feel very alone and hopeless. I leave for college in 2 weeks but I don't even know if college is something I actually want. I just needed to do something so people stopped looking at me like a waste of potential.

I wish so badly that I was dead, I've wanted death for a long time now. But at the same time I feel desperate for another way out. I can't figure out if I'm worth fighting for.

and I really wish I could make my mom love me again.

 

[Signal]

I feel you, I feel so worthless most of the time, I often end up thinking that I wish my mother had ended up with a better child, that woman deserves so much more than me. Living is hard, but I'm a coward so I can't even kill myself, also, my mother is still alive so I could never do that to her, I could never kill the only child she has, even if it's such a worthless child.

You see, I'm completely alone, besides of my mother of course, but we don't even live in the same city so I don't see her most of the year. But in your case, even if your mother and stepmother hates you, you still have your father and you do have a best friend, now, I don't know them, but the fact that they actually want you around, well, I see worth in that, there's value in that, at least for me.

I hope you can eventually find peace, even if it's just a little.

 

[LP666]

you sound a lot like a childhood friend of mine and so this breaks my heart especially. i am a bit more sensitive than most people i read on here though, but still. everybody is inherently full of worth and that includes you. if you dont feel the need to kill yourself 100% and (seemingly) a pretty malleable and worthwhile existence maybe keep giving being alive a shot. not that its not hard or that suicide isnt a valid choice, im not sure of exactly how you suffer because im not you so id never assume i know your exact pain, but i understand the feeling worthless/lonely. it is really hard and im sorry people so fundamental to your life didnt deal you a fair set of cards. pursue what you have in life while you have the chance, though. maybe dig around for something besides the approval of those who have failed you instead of loving you dearly as they should and you might find a passtime, career, self love or something else that might make staying around a fruitful option. and hey, worst case scenario, theres always tomorrow to kill yourself, but never tomorrow to unkill yourself! (if you do decide to, treat yourself and your loved ones with kindness and care before you go! sorry if i worded anything shittily, may peace be with you! )

 

[Drogon]

You are so young , stick with it and you'll find your way . College is absolutely not for everyone , and there is nothing wrong with taking a year off to figure out your next move .

 

[Nightfoot]

You are worth fighting for simply by being alive. College can be a great way to meet new friends in a new environment and learn new things about life and yourself. The two biggest benefits are the degree and the life experiences, not necessarily in that order, so you can grow from it even if you decided it wasn't for you.

 

[discreetmadness]

college fucking sucks but as someone who muddled through a 4yr degree its not worth dying for at all. many people go thru life without degrees. if the degree is going to make you kill yourself you should instead see if you can get a job or an apartment before quitting. I dont know if youd be able to move back into ur parents house but its also worth a shot