I'm not sure if I'm self harming

[RosebyAnyName]

When I was growing up, whenever I was frustrated or upset, I'd just quietly cry in my room until I dissociated / was able to distract myself.

However, now when I'm really frustrated or upset, I'll slap my head repeatedly. I would do it until my vision started to change and my head would feel heavy. Then, because I feel "woozy", I'm distracted from whatever I was upset about before, and I'd lay down. It's like forcing myself to dissociate quickly, so I don't have to think about whatever was upsetting me.

I didn't really think about it until now, but does this qualify as self-harm? I want to think I'm recovering: I'm going through therapy (though it's dubiously helpful) and I think I'm in a better place now compared to when I was younger (though I don't feel better overall). But if that's the case, why am I now self-harming when I wasn't before?

 

[lemonbunny]

i do the slapping thing too! im pretty sure it qualifies as self harm since you are hurting yourself in the end. maybe tell your therapist? its not healthy behavior by any means, like normal people might bash their heads or slap their faces occasionally but not in a repeated way until they get dizzy

 

[RosebyAnyName]

i do the slapping thing too! im pretty sure it qualifies as self harm since you are hurting yourself in the end. maybe tell your therapist? its not healthy behavior by any means, like normal people might bash their heads or slap their faces occasionally but not in a repeated way until they get dizzy

Sounds like something I should look into, thanks. I think I will start discussing it with my therapist to see if they can help me manage it.
I did a bit more research, and apparently head-hitting is prevalent among autistic people. The weird thing though is that, while I'm autistic, I never did it when I was younger, and autistic traits by definition must be present when you are a child. It's strange.

 

[Looking]

Yes, it's a form of self harm.

Even though it's common among autistic people, it's still a trait that's developed due to several factors. It's normally done in younger age demographic because younger people don't have the tendency to know how to control their emotions or cope with their environment in a way that is fitting and healthy to them. Autistic people have a tendency to struggle with coping and controlling their emotions. Hence why it's typically seen in people with autistic traits and people who are younger.

It sounds like your coping mechanisms has changed over time and it's why you're doing it now instead of back then. It's different but it can be replaced with a new method.