I strongly am considering ctb but I don't know
If you're not sure, it might be best to make an effort to push those thoughts aside. I believe: committing suicide is not easy, and the way there is difficult, complicates your condition, and reduces the space for action, and even if you actually had chances for a good life, you can lose them in this way, even if you stay alive. Again, in my opinion, it is worth trying to seriously search for/invent a self-help strategy, and if you have close people with whom you can discuss it, then your chances are quite high. You will always have time to die, except if you are already dead ;)
I don't know, I don't want to recommend suicide to anyone, it's irreversible crap that should only be used when you're really TOO fucked up and there's really no way to get a better life. Don't jump to conclusions, the easy solutions are not always the best, and in fact, usually lead to the hard way. I want to write "In my opinion" after every sentence, because it's easy to say "go kill yourself, life sucks", but it's hard to give useful advice, especially when you've messed up your life. Well, I can proudly say "I have experience with this" and add "it's best to avoid this path if you can".
