Story I’m not like the rest of you...

[lost_soul83]

Jane, I'm probably way better off than you concerning materialistic things and that's the last I'll say of it, none of that matters at all here. Everybody reached this point on their own journey. Being desperate, depressed, anxious, terminally ill or whatever shows no favorites in the socio-economic scale. People are here to share stories, provide advice, understand methods, and even provide a little laughter along the way. Many people will CTB here and many will not, money and fame matter not. The best advice I can give you is to be open and honest as you can, and check the other stuff at the door.

Amen! Possessions and money matter not in this fucked up world. Misery and suffering don't discriminate. But imho, no one is in a position to judge anyone else, because everyone's life is unique and we all have our breaking points. I think no one on this thread, including the author, has the right to look down on anyone for any reason. The fact of the matter is, most of us know next to nothing about anyone on here, and when does a person actually know anyone 100%? My point here is, don't judge, offer unconditional love and compassion and try to help when you can because the tables will turn for everyone one day and we'll be the ones needing help, most of us on here are at that point now.

 

[Smilla]

I read this forum every night, trying to find someone to identify with, but it never happens.

I am not like you, I have a good job, I am well paid and senior in my position. I have a nice house and money in the bank. I buy nice clothes and have matching shoes & bags. I am not in any debt. I dine out in nice restaurants and I go to the theatre. I wear Chanel perfume. I sing in the choir. I have access to medical & dental care. I get my nails done every month, I go for facials and massages whenever I feel like it. I have amazing friends who love me so much and I am highly thought of in work. I have my mum and sisters, plus 2 neices who think the world of me. I stay in nice hotels and drink nice wine. I get my hair done once a month. I am chatty, bubbly and confident.

I am a fake.

Everyday in this life is a living hell. Behind this façade I am slowly dying. Behind all this, I have nothing, I am empty, my life is over. My husband left to go to work one day and never came back. He ctb, without warning. He jumped into a river. His body was missing for 7 weeks. 7 weeks waiting for his body to surface. 7 weeks of unbearable pain, shame, guilt, confusion. Trying to tell his closest friends and family what he had done, with no explaination, facing their judgement. The flashbacks overcome me almost every minute of everyday. The cold, dark feeling consumes me, the anixety rushes through my body. I can't breathe. What must his last thoughts have been? How could he have done this to me? How did I not know he was suffering? And the shame, I feel the shame of his suicide, the pity, the assumptions, the blame. People believe that I am to blame. I go over and over the aftermath in my head, like a film playing on repeat. I relive it all. Calling his mum & brother, his boss & best friend. The funeral, the songs, the coffin. I see it all as if it happened yesterday.

This is my real life. My husbands legacy to me.

Jane,

Be well.

 

[LastDay]

Uuuuuh, well you're on this site so you are like the rest of "us".

Look, it sounds like you're really torn up and traumatized about your husband's death. It makes sense, to lose someone you loved so suddenly. I hate to suggest the obvious but have you tried therapy? Sometimes you need to speak the trauma out loud and in detail in order for your brain to be able to process it. The worst thing you can do is pretend everything is okay because you're just bottling your emotions. Plus it hurts putting up a charade, I know because I'm doing it right now. Joking and acting like I'm okay when I really just want to die. It adds to the misery.

 

[Mrs.O'Leary'sCow]

If you mean that maybe edit or delete the insults and troll accusations. Nothing in her post history or the way she talks to people indicates she is a troll. Never been mean to people or argumentative. Seems genuine. I don't understand the acidity thrown at her.

I see a post where someone says "I have all this stuff people say they want and is supposed to make them happy, outwordly I have nothing to complain about etc, and I still want to kill myself and can't get over the loss of my husband and I feel like I cannot identify with others because you guys have more legit appearing problems" But people reacted as if she said "I am better than you and I shouldn't have to be depressed like you rabble". She said nor implied nothing like that..it's what some people chose to read into it.

You might want to get your tact detector recalibrated then, because mine read close to zero when I ran it over her post.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-wealth-reduces-compassion/

 

[LastDay]

@Mrs.O'Leary'sCow I think she's just speaking out of grief. Anger is part grieving stage and that's what this post sounds like to me.

 

[Aesthler]

My ex also let me know I'm worthless today too, 'cause I don't even have a phone and live at my dads. I do have a phone I just don't have a phone number so jokes on her.

 

[JustAboutDone]

My ex also let me know I'm worthless today too, 'cause I don't even have a phone and live at my dads. I do have a phone I just don't have a phone number so jokes on her.

@Aesthler she has shown her true colours and where her values lie (in the gutter) and what a relief she is an ex, she is not good enough for you if she thinks like that :-)

It's fantastic that you are at your dad's - far better than being on your own at a time like this. Xxx

 

[Smilla]

If you mean that maybe edit or delete the insults and troll accusations. Nothing in her post history or the way she talks to people indicates she is a troll. Never been mean to people or argumentative. Seems genuine. I don't understand the acidity thrown at her.

I see a post where someone says "I have all this stuff people say they want and is supposed to make them happy, outwordly I have nothing to complain about etc, and I still want to kill myself and can't get over the loss of my husband and I feel like I cannot identify with others because you guys have more legit appearing problems" But people reacted as if she said "I am better than you and I shouldn't have to be depressed like you rabble". She said nor implied nothing like that..it's what some people chose to read into it.

That's exactly what she said, nobody read into anything.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I have read the OP through a couple of times and I am confused. As some of you know, I haven't gained all my cognitive skills back so I tend to keep things short and can't read long pieces of text.

So if I'm misinterpreting tell me.

As I understand, the OP has lost her partner to suicide? Which is a tragedy. But lots of people on here have lost their life partners or loved ones if you read through people's stories or the joining thread so I am not sure why there is a disconnect (is that a word?) and why the OP doesn't feel that?

Edit : we are all naked when we take a shower and none of our personal items matter when we are dead and buried.

There are people here who have multiple degrees, love theatre, ballet, speak many languages, cook Michelin worthy food - but that's not what they want to talk here about. They can if they want to but they just want support for their pain.

 

[_habs1999]

first off, im incredibly sorry about your husband. nobody deserves that kind of loss.



please dont generalize this wonderful and diverse community.

be vulnerable. be compassionate. be less materialistic. & fewer people will believe you're a troll.

 

[Johnnythefox]

I interpreted it as no matter what material possessions you have, how much money you have, how many friends you have, how nice your home is, nothing can fill the void of loss.
I think she could maybe have worded it better though.

 

[Mark Edward]

It has been my experience that you can try to distract yourself with hobbies and expensive toys etc, in an effort to escape what is in your mind. You can run marathons, support a good cause, all things like that, but the darkness always comes back to you. I feel sorry for Jane Doe because she has been conditioned to believe that whatever happens, an affluent lifestyle makes you happy, but it is not true and she still hasen't quite got her head around it. I have had bouts of depression since childhood and I'm now deep into middle age. It seems like there is no escape, except....

 

[Johnnythefox]

feel sorry for Jane Doe because she has been conditioned to believe that whatever happens, an affluent lifestyle makes you happy, but it is not true and she still hasen't quite got her head around it.

I think she meant the opposite of what you say here. She is clearly stating in the second part that the first part isn't worth a shit compared to the loss she's experienced.

 

[Mark Edward]

I think she meant the opposite of what you say here. She is clearly stating in the second part that the first part isn't worth a shit compared to the loss she's experienced.

Yes, by the look of it, you are right.
I understood wrong.No offence to her meant.

 

[Mrs.O'Leary'sCow]

@Mrs.O'Leary'sCow I think she's just speaking out of grief. Anger is part grieving stage and that's what this post sounds like to me.

Best of luck to her in working through that grief.

 

[creationisdeath]

I think she meant the opposite of what you say here. She is clearly stating in the second part that the first part isn't worth a shit compared to the loss she's experienced.

If that's the case they can identify with others because of the loss. Why does it have to be about random materialism? That's clearly the most important part of the post, or why else even mention it in such detail..
Can't we see people as they are and not check their bank account first?

To bring in a more differentiated view of money: it matters extremely much, but only up to 100k a year or so depending on which study you read. Stability, good medical options and nutrition, a nice place to live etc matter.
Wearing overpriced perfume on the other hand does not.

If this is real I'm sorry for your loss nonetheless. Some people are good at hiding their true feelings.

 

[ReadyasEver]

If that's the case they can identify with others because of the loss. Why does it have to be about random materialism? That's clearly the most important part of the post, or why else even mention it in such detail..
Can't we see people as they are and not check their bank account first?

To bring in a more differentiated view of money: it matters extremely much, but only up to 100k a year or so depending on which study you read. Stability, good medical options and nutrition, a nice place to live etc matter.
Wearing overpriced perfume on the other hand does not.

If this is real I'm sorry for your loss nonetheless. Some people are good at hiding their true feelings.

Creation, I understand in some way how she feels. It's the confusion / non-believing stage. I was not here during that stage of understanding my outcome, otherwise I might have sounded the same way. I have a pretty good life still while I'm here: good family, good friends, great healthcare, my family is financially set. I get it. How could this happen to me? She's not past the slap in the face, the punch in the gut yet. One thing though, I remember very well. I grew up hoping to get a new pair of tennis shoes before the holes in the soles became too large. I understood this my entire life, and never forgot it. Not only the memory, but an effort when I could to help people back on their feet. I try and speak for no one, but once she understands that despair, depression, anxiety, illness, and death has no boundaries, that we all are equally susceptible to very inhuman circumstances, it begins to make sense. It will take some time, we all have to man an oar on this damn boat called life.

 

[Miss clefable]

This just proves money doesn't make you happy

 

[ReadyasEver]

This just proves money doesn't make you happy

Probably one of the biggest truths for all of humanity.

 

[creationisdeath]

Probably one of the biggest truths for all of humanity.

Shibboleth from people who have more than enough. They wouldn't trade for poverty either.

How about:
>This just proves excessive money doesn't make you happy.

There's a considerable spectrum between buying Chanel and having a decent place to live and not worrying about food.

 

[TheFool]

Shibboleth from people who have more than enough. They wouldn't trade for poverty either.

How about:
>This just proves excessive money doesn't make you happy.

There's a considerable spectrum between buying Chanel and having a decent place to live and not worrying about food.

Exactly. If I'm not mistaken there's a study on this which shows that an increase in income beyond about $70k a year doesn't correlate with an increase in life satisfaction, but up to that point it most certainly does.

The idea that money doesn't buy happiness is a classist idea that is nonetheless accepted as common wisdom, even by many poor people, for reasons I can't understand.

And I have to say I agree with others that this person is quite possibly a troll. (On second thought, I don't think that's fair to say.) Not saying people who look like they have it all can't be seriously depressed for other reasons obviously, but why would a person with a ton of money come to a place like this instead of just using that money to tell all this to a licensed therapist who can do a lot more for them than anyone here? There's a reason this forum is populated with socially isolated, impoverished commoners and not a bunch of rich fucks with loving family and friends. This place is all many of us have.

 

[TheCrow]

My ex also let me know I'm worthless today too, 'cause I don't even have a phone and live at my dads. I do have a phone I just don't have a phone number so jokes on her.

HA! She can't think you're that worthless if she's on the phone with you. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. If she's still willing to talk to you and go at it, she feels something, fyi.

 

[Sixfeetunder]

A lot of people on here are like you. Not everyone on here is some low-life.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I read this forum every night, trying to find someone to identify with, but it never happens.

I am not like you, I have a good job, I am well paid and senior in my position. I have a nice house and money in the bank. I buy nice clothes and have matching shoes & bags. I am not in any debt. I dine out in nice restaurants and I go to the theatre. I wear Chanel perfume. I sing in the choir. I have access to medical & dental care. I get my nails done every month, I go for facials and massages whenever I feel like it. I have amazing friends who love me so much and I am highly thought of in work. I have my mum and sisters, plus 2 neices who think the world of me. I stay in nice hotels and drink nice wine. I get my hair done once a month. I am chatty, bubbly and confident.

I am a fake.

Everyday in this life is a living hell. Behind this façade I am slowly dying. Behind all this, I have nothing, I am empty, my life is over. My husband left to go to work one day and never came back. He ctb, without warning. He jumped into a river. His body was missing for 7 weeks. 7 weeks waiting for his body to surface. 7 weeks of unbearable pain, shame, guilt, confusion. Trying to tell his closest friends and family what he had done, with no explaination, facing their judgement. The flashbacks overcome me almost every minute of everyday. The cold, dark feeling consumes me, the anixety rushes through my body. I can't breathe. What must his last thoughts have been? How could he have done this to me? How did I not know he was suffering? And the shame, I feel the shame of his suicide, the pity, the assumptions, the blame. People believe that I am to blame. I go over and over the aftermath in my head, like a film playing on repeat. I relive it all. Calling his mum & brother, his boss & best friend. The funeral, the songs, the coffin. I see it all as if it happened yesterday.

This is my real life. My husbands legacy to me.

I'm sorry for your loss. You may not have the same circumstances as most of us but you are in pain like all of us.
I don't have any "Words of Wisdom" that can help or the "It gets better" bullshit" that people always say to us.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Don't compare yourself to others, or your pain to others' pain. We each have a breaking point that is uniquely our own..<3

I totally agree. What some people can handle, for whatever reason others cannot. I am one of the "Others"

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

This just proves money doesn't make you happy

I would like the opportunity to disprove that statement.

 

[AndyCurious]

I would like the opportunity to disprove that statement.

Money doesn't make you happy, but having enough money to buy food every week/month, would make you feel good hopefully..

 

[lost_soul83]

If you mean that maybe edit or delete the insults and troll accusations. Nothing in her post history or the way she talks to people indicates she is a troll. Never been mean to people or argumentative. Seems genuine. I don't understand the acidity thrown at her.

I see a post where someone says "I have all this stuff people say they want and is supposed to make them happy, outwordly I have nothing to complain about etc, and I still want to kill myself and can't get over the loss of my husband and I feel like I cannot identify with others because you guys have more legit appearing problems" But people reacted as if she said "I am better than you and I shouldn't have to be depressed like you rabble". She said nor implied nothing like that..it's what some people chose to read into it.

Agreed. Her post was not meant to brag about the material possessions or money she has, but how unhappy she is, even with all the things that others think should make her happy. I think she can identify with us more than she realizes.

 

[Rollo]

Maybe you were part of the "problem"?

What have YOU contributed to this ailing world except getting your nails and hair done with "matching bags and shoes"?

Dig a little deeper, you might be surprised at what you find :).

The last time I saw somebody shaming another person for not contributing enough - it turned out he himself only gave like 0.5% of his salary to charity. Although I personally don't see anything wrong with spending money on yourself.

 

[Chinaski]

The notion that relatively wealthy and / or successful people can't be depressed and / or suicidal is an ignorant one for sure, but there are many ways of putting that across in a less offensive way than the OP did. Beginning a thread entitled "I'm not like the rest of you" with an opening post describing their ostentatious and superior lifestyle whilst simultaneously lamenting the fact that they can't 'relate' to people on here is perhaps not going to elicit a great deal of positive feedback. Very peculiar approach imo, but then this would not be the first user who showed an enthusiasm for making the forum aware of their own perceived superiority in some way, this is just far less subtle than the usual means of dropping Harvard-related lies into casual conversation whenever possible, is all.