im not fit for being alive or in society

[1111]

i dont mean it in a misanthropy way or hating capitalism way nor i mean it in a not wanting to work/study way... ofc those play their part too but mainly the way i feel is that i dont even like being alive. at all.

i dont like sleeping. i dont like getting up. i dont like eating. i dont like showering. i dont like going anywhere. i dont like taking care of myself. i dont like having to move my body to do anything at all.

only thing i truly enjoy is doing nothing. nothing at all. being in bed and maybe looking at a screen but thats it. rn i spend 5 or 6 days a week in bed. the only times i get out of bed are on thursday to go to the club and maybe one more a week day to lab practice at uni. thats it.

my 22th birthday is on tuesday (thus my username!) and ill prob ctb on wednesday morning. my method is sn and i want to have a semi-nice bday dinner or w.e so i need to fast all night. i may be doing a thread on here so i dont feel so alone.

 

[martyrdom]

I feel exactly the same way you do. Every part of physicality disgusts me and I wish I was completely immaterial or rather non-existent. For me it's not just the tediousness of it but also the sheer disgust at being a physical creature capable of being acted upon by others, perceived, etc.

I hope your birthday is as happy as it can be. I wish the best for you if you decide to ctb, or not.

 

[1111]

I feel exactly the same way you do. Every part of physicality disgusts me and I wish I was completely immaterial or rather non-existent. For me it's not just the tediousness of it but also the sheer disgust at being a physical creature capable of being acted upon by others, perceived, etc.

I hope your birthday is as happy as it can be. I wish the best for you if you decide to ctb, or not.

thank you. hoping everything works out for you

 

[cme-dme]

Yeah I feel this as well. Sometimes I just remember that I'm alive and I am a human being and I just feel gross and miserable. I work 3 days a week or roughly 22 hours a week and the remaining 146 hours are spent almost entirely in bed, on my laptop. I feel like I merely exist and nothing I do feels real.
PS: Not sure if you're still with us but if not I hope you've found your peace

 

[zizzou]

oh hey the puppy is still here. what happened last time