Help Im not even sure what I'm looking for, I just.. need help.. please

[CanIFindHappiness]

Hey guys, I've never posted before and I used to be here a lot gathering information when I was highly suicidal and going through worst of my depression. I've been back a few times since I had improved my outlook in life and decided just offing myself wasn't a good option just yet. Even then, I thought about dying daily, still struggling with depression with lots of ups and downs.

Today, I'm back with very strong depression and suicidal wishes. I'm hurting so much inside and wishing all could end. I feel like a garbage of a person and not sure why I should keep going. I have a cat that came into my life 3 years ago, who truly truly saved my life, because without her I wouldn't be here. And yesterday was her 3 year anniversary for entering into my life. But yesterday and today, it doesn't feel like she is enough to hold me here. I'm afraid I'm back to where I was before she saved me.

I don't feel like I deserve life. I don't feel like I will ever be pain free because even when my depression was under control I was still in constant pain and now it's just as bad as it was before. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for here, I guess I just want help somehow. I feel like I'm drowning in pain, I feel so lonely and I just don't beleive I deserve this life or am cut out for this life.

Please help... or am I right that I don't belong to this world and I shouldn't be here?

 

[freight_train]

nobody belongs anywhere, nobody exists on purpose, everbody's gonna die. come watch TV?

 

[timf]

Is there anything you can do for a distraction until you can regain the equilibrium you had before?

You might want to watch some episodes of Malcolm in the middle and be thankful you don't live in that family.

 

[lifeisadream]

Firstly, thank you for being so brave & sharing your story. Really sorry you"re struggling so much right now. It's truly awful & so very hard when all those thoughts are swimming in your head. Do you know if something has recently triggered your depression & suicidal thoughts? Sometimes something happens but other times it creeps up & builds over a period of time.

Totally understand you feel you don't belong in this world or that you don't deserve a life. Sometimes things happen which validate those feelings especially if the outside world & the people in it are cruel. But try to remember your cat came into your life for a reason.

I know you feel so very alone right now. We'll always listen & try to help x

 

[stillthinkingabtit]

i can relate to you so much! I think I'm only here because of my mom and my dog. They're the only ones holding me here, but it's hard, I feel like giving up sometimes

 

[help56]

nobody belongs anywhere, nobody exists on purpose, everbody's gonna die. come watch TV?

Hey saw you on the thread
Are you still there