Story i'm moving on.

[iori011x3]

my friend took a temporary break from me for an unspecified amount of time because of how our friendship turned toxic. i attempted that night and then suddenly all of my friends in that friend group needed a break from me after i survived.

i've been struggling to recover, but my friends from a different friend group kept me going. they were my reason to live. i shifted my attention from suicide discussion to recovery on ss after that. you guys also kept me going. reading comments no matter how long or short put my mind in a better headspace. there are a few users here who i look up to a lot because i think they are incredibly resilient, strong, and i think they're really good with words. i then realized i wanted to be like that.

that's how i found my reason to live for myself. i wanted to become someone like that who radiated such positivity and comfort just from their words alone, even when they themselves were struggling. i wanted to recover so i can live like that. i hope i never meet them frfr because you never meet your heros right? haha

after recovering and healing an insane amount in a short span of time, i realized that i couldn't fully heal until i let go of the friends who needed a break. i needed to move on.

it was so fucking scary. i thought about it so many times and journaled my thoughts a million times to forget it. it was the truth though. i couldn't wait for my friends to be ready to have a conversation with me because my mental health would start deteriorating again. every time i hung onto the thought of being friends with them again, i would start spiralling and all the progress i made would undo itself.

this morning, i messaged a friend that i'd be moving on. i told them i had no intentions of being friends anymore and that when they were ready, we should have a conversation on boundaries and how to move forward. i can't hang onto the thought of being friends with them anymore, but i'd still like to end it on a good note. we were such good friends and i truly loved them from the bottom of my heart. i never wanted to hurt them and even sending that text hurt them.

however, i feel like so many weights have been lifted off my chest. i'm pained because i basically cut off a close friend, but i feel like i can fully heal now. i feel like i can fully recover and close my wounds as much as i can. yes, it'll leave a scar and i dont think i'd mind. i'll always remember them as an amazing friend group i had and i made so many amazing memories with them. i cherished them so much. we shared so many secrets and burdens with eachother before. i'll miss it.

but i have to move on. i need to for the sake of not falling back into depression again. i want to be happy. i don't want to feel hurt anymore.

i still do really miss them. i want to move on but it's still a little painful. i guess i'll still need some time but i feel like this was an important step to take.

god, i'm crying now haha. well, this was really emotional for me so i guess it makes sense. i really hope this was the right decision to make. i'm scared i'll regret it and hate myself for this. on a random sunday too lmao.

thanks for reading all the way. i really appreciate it. this forum really makes me feel so heard and comforted despite having... not the best reputation among mainstream media lmaoooooo.

 

[voidstar]

I can't imagine the amount of strength needed for that step but even tho I'm just a stranger I'm incredibly proud of you!
I'm so happy to see that you're healing and on a better path now, I wish you all the best in your recovery.
And just so you know, you're at least as strong as the people you're looking up to

 

[Blackpepperpancake]

Moving on takes time and it's a painful phase just like breaking up with someone or grieving the lost, but rest assure you will feel better after overcome it. I had ended a relationship with my former bestfriend after 12 years of being together, I have learned lessons from those experiences, but I'm more than happy now so I hope you will be happy to. Just give yourself time not put anymore pressure on yourself.

 

[iori011x3]

I can't imagine the amount of strength needed for that step but even tho I'm just a stranger I'm incredibly proud of you!
I'm so happy to see that you're healing and on a better path now, I wish you all the best in your recovery.
And just so you know, you're at least as strong as the people you're looking up to

thank you so much. i just went through a sobbing session because my brain decided it would be so silly to reply every single fond memory i had of them your words mean a lot to me. thank you.

Moving on takes time and it's a painful phase just like breaking up with someone or grieving the lost, but rest assure you will feel better after overcome it. I had ended a relationship with my former bestfriend after 12 years of being together, I have learned lessons from those experiences, but I'm more than happy now so I hope you will be happy to. Just give yourself time not put anymore pressure on yourself.

i'm glad to hear that. i'm so goddamn scared this wasn't the right choice but hearing it worked out for you reassures me it'll be ok for me too. i hope. gaahhh my overthinking brain needs to learn how to stfu for a second lmao

 

[voidstar]

thank you so much. i just went through a sobbing session because my brain decided it would be so silly to reply every single fond memory i had of them your words mean a lot to me. thank you.


i'm glad to hear that. i'm so goddamn scared this wasn't the right choice but hearing it worked out for you reassures me it'll be ok for me too. i hope. gaahhh my overthinking brain needs to learn how to stfu for a second lmao

Just the truth!
And as the other poster said, it will take some more time to properly heal and move on, but you already took the biggest and most important step towards recovery.
That alone must've taken so much strength, you're a strong person and I'm rooting for you :)
And we're all here for you if you need an open ear or advice.

 

[boddibo]

The other posters said it well before me, it's going to take time but you're going to be okay in the end. You're very very strong and brave, you should be proud of you.

 

[iori011x3]

The other posters said it well before me, it's going to take time but you're going to be okay in the end. You're very very strong and brave, you should be proud of you.

thank you. you guys are all strangers and yet i feel so heard and appreciated. i'm optimistic that this will finally be the end of this dumbass tiring journey. i'm ready to beat up these tiring feelings hahaha

 

[UsagiDrop]

there are a few users here who i look up to a lot because i think they are incredibly resilient, strong, and i think they're really good with words.

I think that you are also someone that can be looked up to for your strength and resilience, especially with all you've been through in such a short period of time. I'm proud of you for choosing yourself in this situation, and for still being here. Giving recovery a chance is really difficult because it requires you to do some really uncomfortable things, but I'm happy that you have people in your corner, both in your new primary friend group and here on this side of the forum.

Everyone's already said it, it won't be easy healing this wound. Time doesn't patch it up but we find ways to ease the pain as time marches on in the background anyway. You already seem to have a pretty healthy outlook on everything but don't ever deny yourself the space to feel and cry if you have to, as well. At the end of the day, you are still mourning the loss of people you've cared about and a life that you thought you would have with them in it.

The cruel reality is that those around us are allowed to react in whatever way they see fit to our plight. It may feel like rejection, or like we have done something wrong. But it is difficult for the people that care about us to see us go through such a hard time, and our state can often feel like rejection to them as well. It is pretty personal, but that's the way that things are; we can't force people to stay in our lives when we've hurt them, even if we didn't intend to. It's best to just move on, but it still hurts to do so.

The bright side is that it makes the relationships that can withstand times like these all the more wonderful. Unfortunately not all of us are able to find friendships like that. I'm really happy that despite everything, you're not alone.

You've made the right decision, because just as they have a right to terminate their friendship with you because they've been hurt, you have a right to do the same with them because you have also been hurt and essentially abandoned in a time of need. I don't think you'll regret it or hate yourself for it. I hope that you'll always remember the relief you felt in making a decision like this and continue to choose yourself, every time that you have to.

 

[Rack.-]

The amount of strength you are showing by writing this is insane. I really wish I could have even if it was a tiny bit of the determination you have to recover. Everything looks so dark when I look outside the window, no colors are to be found and it's hard to look for a reason to continue fighting every day... But I believe in you!!! I know you are going to make it!!! Maybe you are the one who's starting to reveal that "hero" that's inside :3

 

[iori011x3]

You already seem to have a pretty healthy outlook on everything but don't ever deny yourself the space to feel and cry if you have to, as well. At the end of the day, you are still mourning the loss of people you've cared about and a life that you thought you would have with them in it.

thank you usagi. i feel like i really needed the reassurance that it's okay if i cry over them. i feel like i don't need to worry about my sobbing being a sign of spiralling or falling back into the depression i just barely made out of. you're insanely good with words. it's very comforting to hear.

thank you so much.

But I believe in you!!! I know you are going to make it!!! Maybe you are the one who's starting to reveal that "hero" that's inside :3

uuuuuuuu thank you so much i haven't really realized how much i've changed and grown until now. perhaps i really am starting to act like the people i look up to !