I'm moving forward with my life

[descartes]

My friends staged an intervention for me. People told me how hurt they would be if I killed myself and how much they care about me and stuff like that. I feel empty as a person but I'm gonna try to move forward. I feel empty I feel like I lost everything but its not true I lost alot. A hell of a lot. But I can still build from where I'm at I think. I don't know how and I dont really know what it looks like. The woman I love called me the other day and I told her about what was going on and she made me swear to her that I'm gonna go on antidepressants and Im6gonna do it because I swore to her and I love her. She loves out of state and I really want to go see her the problem is I don't really have the money for it right now but I'm gonna try and make it happen anyway. I got hit with alot of shit I'm dealing with now. Even on top of the intervention I got a bunch of tickets on my way home from the intervention and I may lose my license which would be totally fucked. Everything I thought I wanted and everything I loved about life feels like it's been stripped from me. But the fact is I'm surrounded by people I love who love me. And when I'm negative and I'm down in the dumps and I'm feeling sorry for myself it drags them down and when I'm feeling good about myself and when I'm being positive it lifts them up. And zi could do so much good for these people just by me beijg in a good place. I have an appointment to speak to a psychiatrist today a 9:40 AM I will let you all know how that goes. On Monday morning I woke up elated because I had finally figured out a way to kill myself. If you read my previous posts you'll see what it was. I had also finally found someone in Brooklyn who could sell me Benzos so I was all set. I went to visit them and I hit up some of my other friends in Brooklyn as well to let them know I was around. I stopped by my friend who always sells me the best weed and we sat and smoked together for a couple of hours. He didn't smoke because apparently he's trying to go clean. It was one of the best most related ing experiences of my life. He didn't want to sell me weed because I told him my situation and he was also begging me to go on antidepressants and said he was worried I would just smoke weed and not go on the pharmaceutical drugs. I'm honestly coming out of a somewhat abusive relationship with my family which has been super fucking difficult for meand it's good to know that I have friends that care about me so much. It cant really replace family but it just is what is. I'm gonna try to get better now and experience the joys that life has to offer. I hope you all can wish me luck.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Yes, the social resources are there for you. Good luck.

 

[timf]

You mentioned having lost a lot. There are people who have much and would trade it all for the love your friends have shown you. It is hard to think of a better position from which to begin rebuilding a life.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I wish you the best of luck

 

[K-O]

its wonderful to read this and good luck to you mate!

The woman I love called me the other day and I told her about what was going on and she made me swear to her that I'm gonna go on antidepressants and Im6gonna do it because I swore to her and I love her.

last year my soulmate swore to me he wouldnt ctb now that he had me by his side but the morning after he was dead in my arms..
hold on to what you have if you believe and can, it will make a difference if you let love be your guide.