Venting Im losing it..

[Deathiswelcomed]

I genuinely dont know how to feel anymore. I keep having breakdowns and crying for hours a day and more. Since the break up with my boyfriend. And getting a new boyfriend who didn't call me names a lot or got mad was nice... until he said the spark he felt for me fadded.. but it only makes sense I am a walking mental case I couldn't love me for long either.. but the way he said it all was huge deja vue it was exactly like how my first ex started being distant and hating me and much more I wont get into rn. I couldn't stop crying for so long it just hurt so much to realize things wont ever be different will they? I keep running in circles i just want someone to love me and give me attention its all I want is know im clingy but I am always willing to change i am for the one I love I am willing to do anything. Its times like these that make be think back to my first ex and previous one and remember how they told me to kms.. I should have just done it I was going to I tried but failed.. if my death brings others happiness who am i to deny there happiness.. im so so tired all the time. All I do is lay in my bed and hurt myself by hitting myself or my head or anything I do anything I can just to feel something else just to feel a different kind of pain. I hate living if I had the tools I would kms now but I dont at least I don't have the stuff yet..

 

[ctb_warrior]

I genuinely dont know how to feel anymore. I keep having breakdowns and crying for hours a day and more. Since the break up with my boyfriend. And getting a new boyfriend who didn't call me names a lot or got mad was nice... until he said the spark he felt for me fadded.. but it only makes sense I am a walking mental case I couldn't love me for long either.. but the way he said it all was huge deja vue it was exactly like how my first ex started being distant and hating me and much more I wont get into rn. I couldn't stop crying for so long it just hurt so much to realize things wont ever be different will they? I keep running in circles i just want someone to love me and give me attention its all I want is know im clingy but I am always willing to change i am for the one I love I am willing to do anything. Its times like these that make be think back to my first ex and previous one and remember how they told me to kms.. I should have just done it I was going to I tried but failed.. if my death brings others happiness who am i to deny there happiness.. im so so tired all the time. All I do is lay in my bed and hurt myself by hitting myself or my head or anything I do anything I can just to feel something else just to feel a different kind of pain. I hate living if I had the tools I would kms now but I dont at least I don't have the stuff yet..

You are a lovely soul, i can say this after reading every word that you've written.
In India, there's a saying , that only a true jeweller can understand the value of a real diamond. You are a diamond.
They want someone who will make them chase.. But you love them, you don't play any mind games or tantrums. See, humans are really complicated.
The more you love them, the more they go away from you, the more you ignore them, the more they come to you.. it's a weird thing but that's what it is..

That's how pick up artists pick girls really quickly.

You have not found the right person yet, that's the problem.
Don't let any mf make you think that you are worthless.

There's a lovely quote. Before diagnosing yourself with depression, make sure you are not surrounded by a$$h*les

 

[enso]

I genuinely dont know how to feel anymore. I keep having breakdowns and crying for hours a day and more. Since the break up with my boyfriend. And getting a new boyfriend who didn't call me names a lot or got mad was nice... until he said the spark he felt for me fadded.. but it only makes sense I am a walking mental case I couldn't love me for long either.. but the way he said it all was huge deja vue it was exactly like how my first ex started being distant and hating me and much more I wont get into rn. I couldn't stop crying for so long it just hurt so much to realize things wont ever be different will they? I keep running in circles i just want someone to love me and give me attention its all I want is know im clingy but I am always willing to change i am for the one I love I am willing to do anything. Its times like these that make be think back to my first ex and previous one and remember how they told me to kms.. I should have just done it I was going to I tried but failed.. if my death brings others happiness who am i to deny there happiness.. im so so tired all the time. All I do is lay in my bed and hurt myself by hitting myself or my head or anything I do anything I can just to feel something else just to feel a different kind of pain. I hate living if I had the tools I would kms now but I dont at least I don't have the stuff yet..

Hi!

Words of other people are their projections on the world, they say what they feel, but it is result of forming of their own map of reality.
It doesn't mean that all people want your death. There are people who think that people should die due to their sexuality. Is it true? Will this people become happy after it happens or they will just change their target?

Firstly, it would be really great, if you could get rid of such interactions, to stop talking with people, who make you feel pain.
Secondly, if you are introverted, you can try to stand on your own, you are precious as you are, you are not a half part, you are one whole personality.
Thirdly, if you need people's help and attention, you can try to...maybe use, for example, discord servers at first to try to communicate with people.

Most importantly, you also can try to exclude some information sources from your daily life, which make you fell worse (news, maybe even some threads on this forum and etc.).

How do you think, could this help?