I'm losing friends again

[Crackedarticulation]

I did it again. I told my story and told another good friend how suicidal I was in the moment. I'm in the wrong, I made them snap from my remarks about wanting to end it all. I've already lost one friend from doing the same exact thing of something that I guess counts as threatening to end myself. If only I could undo what I did. I never learn.

I still feel suicidal as I'm writing this, but I really really don't want to leave my girlfriend, family, and all the progress I've made since I last felt this way.

Again, I know I was in the wrong. If you want to say that you agree, I understand, or if you think I wasn't, I really want to know why.

 

[a_carbon_based_life]

It only counts as threatening to kill yourself if you said that in response to someone wanting to leave and if you said it to try and guilt them into staying. There's nothing morally wrong with looking for support from your friends. I'm sorry that happened to you and I hope that in the future you find friends who are strong enough and care about you enough to stay with you through your journey to get better without making you feel like you have to shrink or hide parts of yourself for them. I'm glad to hear that things are better than last time. I'm proud of you for keeping on keeping on

 

[Tragoedia Vitae]

If they left you because you confessed your suicidal feelings to them, they were never really your friends in the first place. They should have tried to empathize with you and support you rather than taking your pain as a personal affront. Good friends should be there for you in life as well as death. In a cruel & twisted way they actually did you a favor because now you know they aren't reliable or trustworthy and can't be counted upon to help you in your journey. Better that you know now rather than later! Don't let those people hinder your progress!

 

[Crackedarticulation]

If they left you because you confessed your suicidal feelings to them, they were never really your friends in the first place. They should have tried to empathize with you and support you rather than taking your pain as a personal affront. Good friends should be there for you in life as well as death. In a cruel & twisted way they actually did you a favor because now you know they aren't reliable or trustworthy and can't be counted upon to help you in your journey. Better that you know now rather than later! Don't let those people hinder your progress!

Honestly, they were supportive, at first. But as the night went on, I became increasingly suicidal and left them to go to sleep after saying some worrying things like, "Pray I don't wake up."

I guess they've never seen me like this and were shocked. I'm usually moderately cheerful and playfully sarcastic when I don't have my episodes. I think I was too insistent and sad ... I guess ... they didn't want to talk to me for the past two days already, and I'm guessing, because they're mad I was acting normal (or trying to).

 

[a_carbon_based_life]

Honestly, they were supportive, at first. But as the night went on, I became increasingly suicidal and left them to go to sleep after saying some worrying things like, "Pray I don't wake up."

I guess they've never seen me like this and were shocked. I'm usually moderately cheerful and playfully sarcastic when I don't have my episodes. I think I was too insistent and sad ... I guess ... they didn't want to talk to me for the past two days already, and I'm guessing, because they're mad I was acting normal (or trying to).

If they haven't just fully ghosted you you could always try to communicate both of your needs and try to establish how you'd want to handle a similar situation in the future.