Venting Im just so tired...

[cookiencream]

I'm so tired. I don't want to be here and my only option (hanging) seems to be something I just can't do. At least not for a while cause of my back to back attempts. I want to poison myself but idk where to get SN and even though I have a lot of random meds in my house I highly doubt any of them are reliable for an OD unless I was to lower my blood pressure for a heart attack. I feel so weak. I hate myself. I tried to suck it up and force the hanging but it made it worse and I started to develop a strong reaction to hanging that even I couldn't brute force out of. Why can't ODs work...why can't SN be available in my country. I'm even desperate enough to try the ligature method even though I know it might fail and give me brain damage. There has to be someway I could make a poison? I'm begging...my weight isn't big so I don't need a lot.
Maybe I should try to get rabies
What can I do? Perhaps jumping?

 

[Nightfoot]

I don't have any helpful suggestions, but I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of it all, I also just wish to be free from this cruel, dreadful existence and I always suffer from how I cannot just have the option to cease existing painlessly that is guaranteed, I see so much cruelty in how I cannot just access a peaceful poison, I hope you find the peace you search for.

 

[shediedatsea]

you really dont deserve this.. i wish life could be kinder to you, you are a wonderful person ):