chargirl
I want to be on the receiving end of revenge
- Mar 24, 2026
- 18
Never in my life did I think I'd reach this degree of apathy. Throughout the day, thoughts of CTB pass through my mind, and half of them are jokes. (o_o) I can't believe I used to cry about my suicidal ideation years ago, because now it's like, who cares???
I have fun imagining all the stupidest ways I could die. I'm writing my suicide note and having to try sooo hard to keep the tone solemn for the sake of my friends and family. It's a massive relief to not care, but it also makes me feel like my heart is shriveled up or something.
I think if I still felt hurt and sad about my suicidality, I wouldn't have what it takes to follow through. But this detachment, this indifference, makes me feel like suicide is just as mundane as anything else, and therefore just as easy to joke about.
I have fun imagining all the stupidest ways I could die. I'm writing my suicide note and having to try sooo hard to keep the tone solemn for the sake of my friends and family. It's a massive relief to not care, but it also makes me feel like my heart is shriveled up or something.
I think if I still felt hurt and sad about my suicidality, I wouldn't have what it takes to follow through. But this detachment, this indifference, makes me feel like suicide is just as mundane as anything else, and therefore just as easy to joke about.
