Venting I'm having a hard time controlling my impulses.

[狐狐狐]

Lately I'm finding I cannot control a lot of my anxieties. I'm increasingly desensitized to everything and I just. Cannot feel normal. Inpatient is out the question, but I'm seeing more and more signs that I'm on the wrong path and need more care. I reached out to my (kinda) ex therapist today and asked if he'd make some space today so he could help me find some resources.

I didn't tell him what's happening fully, but he got the vibe that I'm not okay. I lied when he asked if I was okay. He's on vacation and I don't want to trouble him, but I'm having a hard time just 'co-existing.' I cannot eat properly, shower regularly. I can will myself to brush my teeth semi regularly, not as much as I'd like to.

I did my makeup for the first time in a while and braided my hair. It felt nice for a while, but I feel the fool now. I'm going out on drives to decompress in private.

I'm realizing I need professional help but have no money to do so. Idk what to do. I'm so burnt out.

 

[狐狐狐]

So. Mini update. I told my roommate about how bad my SI is getting. It was a difficult talk but one that needed to happen. It's good to have someone. IRL know what's happening in the background.