Finding Sirius
The brightest lights cast the darkest shadows
- Aug 16, 2022
- 162
Nearly one year ago my whole life changed. The love of my life and other half died, quickly and unexpectedly. I will not say that he was my whole world, but he was a significant part of it. My "family", if you could truly call them that are nothing but vipers in human skin. To the external world they appear like good people, but I know what lies behind those smiling laughing facades. I do not stay with them. Thanks to my love I was finally able gain my independence.
We helped each other seperate from our toxic conditions. For over five years we were together. He was my soulmate my true love. The year before he crossed he proposed to me, I was so happy! Unfortunately, we never got the chance to tie the knot. He died last year do mostly in part to the so called "Healthcare" system here in the States.
Two months after his birthday he became unwell. He had just taken up a new job, and while most places give health insurance after 3 months this place didn't give insurance until after a year of working there. So he didn't have any. I wish to respect him even after his crossing so I will not go his sickness, but he was misdiagnosed several times by hospital staff who due their COVID procedures would not let me or anyone else in while they examined him. With the way he was deteriorating he needed someone to advocate for him.
Let me say this, I understand there was/is a pandemic. However, it was 2021. The restrictions were being relaxed and even then it is completely unethical to deprive people the right to see their loved ones. From the way he and many others were/are treated since their lock down procedures I can only conclude that they do not let loved ones see what they are doing so they can mistreat them at their leisure. There are simply too many stories like mine to think otherwise.
After many misdiagnosis and us being asked the same questions over and over agian "did he do drugs?", "was he an alcoholic?". No and no, no one was keeping records. Finally after the thousandth time a nurse found out what was wrong with him, the doctors told use the procedure and we (me and his mother) left thinking it would be handled at last. Big mistake, they left him in the hall for 7 hours perhaps longer. By the time they got around to "helping" him it was too late.
Only when they knew he wouldn't recover did they allow us to see him. They had him hooked up to all manner of machines, and those doctors, those vultures had the nerve to act sad and apologetic. Like they actually cared, that was insulting but not the worst part. No, what was worse was them putting on a sorrowful face and asking for his organs. So you couldn't save his life, but you can save his organs which you can make money on, interesting. We of course told them no.
They took two lives that day, I have been deteriorating slowly. I tried to make an effort, to keep going, but I just don't see the point anymore. I lack the resources necessary to go after those vultures that call themselves Healthcare workers not to mention it would take years of fighting and I just don't have it in me. In my naivete I thought of humanity as a pretty good race with some bad apples sprinkled in. That eventually good would win out over evil, I want to laugh at my optimism, what a fool I was. Though I do not believe all humans to be evil I saw first hand the darkness that lies within the human heart.
I have moved to a new city, traveled, joined groups, talked to people about what I'm going through, tried new things. All it has done is made me realize that I truly don't want to be here anymore. It's just the same stuff different place, in the end the last family member I talked to who gave me a SMALL foothold to get my new life started showed her true colors. She had recently lost her father so I thought we could help each other heal but I was wrong. She only calls when she needs something, and even though I only live 4 minutes from her she does not come to visit.
I have even talked to mediums, which was helpful for a time. However, the last one I spoke with made me angry as she said such toxicly positive things "you ran away", I was in between a rock and a hard place and had to move for financial reasons as well as my sanity. "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"... "Things will get better", really when? All in all I'm tried, both of living and peoples opinions. I've had my fill of money and what it can buy. I used to be a foodie but now food is simply a means to keep my flesh prison alive.
Funny thing is I've been have dreams (premonitions perhaps?) That I won't be alive much longer. However, just in case I bought some SN to ensure I won't live to see 2023. I'm done.
We helped each other seperate from our toxic conditions. For over five years we were together. He was my soulmate my true love. The year before he crossed he proposed to me, I was so happy! Unfortunately, we never got the chance to tie the knot. He died last year do mostly in part to the so called "Healthcare" system here in the States.
Two months after his birthday he became unwell. He had just taken up a new job, and while most places give health insurance after 3 months this place didn't give insurance until after a year of working there. So he didn't have any. I wish to respect him even after his crossing so I will not go his sickness, but he was misdiagnosed several times by hospital staff who due their COVID procedures would not let me or anyone else in while they examined him. With the way he was deteriorating he needed someone to advocate for him.
Let me say this, I understand there was/is a pandemic. However, it was 2021. The restrictions were being relaxed and even then it is completely unethical to deprive people the right to see their loved ones. From the way he and many others were/are treated since their lock down procedures I can only conclude that they do not let loved ones see what they are doing so they can mistreat them at their leisure. There are simply too many stories like mine to think otherwise.
After many misdiagnosis and us being asked the same questions over and over agian "did he do drugs?", "was he an alcoholic?". No and no, no one was keeping records. Finally after the thousandth time a nurse found out what was wrong with him, the doctors told use the procedure and we (me and his mother) left thinking it would be handled at last. Big mistake, they left him in the hall for 7 hours perhaps longer. By the time they got around to "helping" him it was too late.
Only when they knew he wouldn't recover did they allow us to see him. They had him hooked up to all manner of machines, and those doctors, those vultures had the nerve to act sad and apologetic. Like they actually cared, that was insulting but not the worst part. No, what was worse was them putting on a sorrowful face and asking for his organs. So you couldn't save his life, but you can save his organs which you can make money on, interesting. We of course told them no.
They took two lives that day, I have been deteriorating slowly. I tried to make an effort, to keep going, but I just don't see the point anymore. I lack the resources necessary to go after those vultures that call themselves Healthcare workers not to mention it would take years of fighting and I just don't have it in me. In my naivete I thought of humanity as a pretty good race with some bad apples sprinkled in. That eventually good would win out over evil, I want to laugh at my optimism, what a fool I was. Though I do not believe all humans to be evil I saw first hand the darkness that lies within the human heart.
I have moved to a new city, traveled, joined groups, talked to people about what I'm going through, tried new things. All it has done is made me realize that I truly don't want to be here anymore. It's just the same stuff different place, in the end the last family member I talked to who gave me a SMALL foothold to get my new life started showed her true colors. She had recently lost her father so I thought we could help each other heal but I was wrong. She only calls when she needs something, and even though I only live 4 minutes from her she does not come to visit.
I have even talked to mediums, which was helpful for a time. However, the last one I spoke with made me angry as she said such toxicly positive things "you ran away", I was in between a rock and a hard place and had to move for financial reasons as well as my sanity. "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"... "Things will get better", really when? All in all I'm tried, both of living and peoples opinions. I've had my fill of money and what it can buy. I used to be a foodie but now food is simply a means to keep my flesh prison alive.
Funny thing is I've been have dreams (premonitions perhaps?) That I won't be alive much longer. However, just in case I bought some SN to ensure I won't live to see 2023. I'm done.
