im giving up (night night method)

[xi0ni]

i'm backed into a corner, and i've felt like a scared dog for far too long. my mother that has been abusive to me my whole life is in prison, i don't have a father, i've been going to court for 4 years for something someone else did, and i'm an illegal immigrant in a country ive lived in since i was 3 years old (21 now). i legitimately have nothing, and might even face deportation which has been my worst fear since i was little.

what am i even alive for? why the fuck am i here if im terrified every single day? i can't do it anymore, i don't want to cry until i vomit anymore, i don't want to be so scared constantly anymore.

i'm going to attempt the night night method again tonight. every other time that ive tried it i ended up just fainting and i don't know why. i can't even kill myself properly and i don't know what i'm doing wrong. maybe the belt isn't tight enough? maybe the padding i use isn't right? i don't know. please help me succeed this time with any tips that you have. i can't be here anymore.

people have killed themselves over less, and i feel its my right to die after suffering for so long.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really horrible what you are going through, I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.

 

[Legacy Install]

I identify with you, and you're very right, it is your right to go when you want to go I believe.

Here's to hoping you find peace good friend.

 

[Buh-bye!]

i'm feel really upset about your situation, no wonder you want to do this. i'm somewhat in a similar situation and matter of fact i tried the night night method too. but i am just practicing rn and i can't seem to be better it, assuming that you're still alive, could you tell me how your experience was that night ? if this questions is anyhow hurting you can avoid answering.

 

[xi0ni]

i'm feel really upset about your situation, no wonder you want to do this. i'm somewhat in a similar situation and matter of fact i tried the night night method too. but i am just practicing rn and i can't seem to be better it, assuming that you're still alive, could you tell me how your experience was that night ? if this questions is anyhow hurting you can avoid answering.

hey, thanks. it was like every other time I tried it. I went on the rooftop of my house for some privacy, and I got the belt as tight as I could around my neck. I keep fainting afterwards but not dying. I'm not sure why. what's your situation if you don't mind me asking?

 

[》|□-◇-□|《 H 》 《 R 》]

I tested this a couple days back, I could feel not being strangled like hanging yourself, but pressure and losing breath, my face changing color etc. I couldn't go through with it because it was daytime and it would be preferable to do it at night so no one can stop me, but I also have the dilemma of the traumatic aspects of it, even though the majority of people around me on a level contribute to my suicide and shitty mental health, not entirely, but play a part. So should the feelings of a bigot be taken into account if they are contributing to me wanting to do these things? I'm going to tweak how I do it, however, as the test run was just two rolled up socks with bottle caps along the sides, with a belt tying them both sides and the caps adding pressure to the jugular. I got the idea from another's post but forgot the name of it
Love you, dead or alive, I hope things are right

 

[xi0ni]

I tested this a couple days back, I could feel not being strangled like hanging yourself, but pressure and losing breath, my face changing color etc. I couldn't go through with it because it was daytime and it would be preferable to do it at night so no one can stop me, but I also have the dilemma of the traumatic aspects of it, even though the majority of people around me on a level contribute to my suicide and shitty mental health, not entirely, but play a part. So should the feelings of a bigot be taken into account if they are contributing to me wanting to do these things? I'm going to tweak how I do it, however, as the test run was just two rolled up socks with bottle caps along the sides, with a belt tying them both sides and the caps adding pressure to the jugular. I got the idea from another's post but forgot the name of it
Love you, dead or alive, I hope things are right

i tried the method again today, sadly i don't think it works. it's pretty soul crushing, i'd rather not go out in a gruesome way but i think i'll have to resort to jumping. love you too, take care.