Suicidebydeath
No chances to be happy - dead inside
- Nov 25, 2021
- 3,559
My father is supposedly very intelligent but he's so stupid when it comes to me and the rest of my family.
When I was a toddler he would belt me, for getting into a fight with my older brother, but it was my brother who's several years older than me and bigger than me that would start the fights and he would win them too.
When I was growing up, he was never around because he was working away, and my brother would come into my room and beat me up while I cried. He probably got that he could do that without punishment from my father. My uncle was the same and worse.
When I was even older, my brother impersonated me several times and stole a lot of money from me. He also apparently stole a lot of money from my father.
Yet when I tried to tell my father last year, he didn't believe me. I haven't spoken to him since and it still makes me angry and I can't forgive him. He's got no excuses, knowing what my brother is like, and the fact that he was even there some of the time it was happening, and no reason to disbelieve me. Also I cannot believe how stupid he was to think I'd start a fight with someone twice my size and how unfair it was he decided to punish me with violence for that. He should know better now, but he does not. It makes me so angry.
My mother recently has been calling me to tell me she misses me but it just brings back angry memories of my father and brother. She also knows that my brother was hitting me but plays it down because it would reveal her part in it too, and also that she never told my father. So as bad as I feel for not visiting her I'm still angry about that too.
It's very hard for me to forgive my family, and they think shit about and lie about me. So I cannot see things changing, although I hate feeling this way.
When I was a toddler he would belt me, for getting into a fight with my older brother, but it was my brother who's several years older than me and bigger than me that would start the fights and he would win them too.
When I was growing up, he was never around because he was working away, and my brother would come into my room and beat me up while I cried. He probably got that he could do that without punishment from my father. My uncle was the same and worse.
When I was even older, my brother impersonated me several times and stole a lot of money from me. He also apparently stole a lot of money from my father.
Yet when I tried to tell my father last year, he didn't believe me. I haven't spoken to him since and it still makes me angry and I can't forgive him. He's got no excuses, knowing what my brother is like, and the fact that he was even there some of the time it was happening, and no reason to disbelieve me. Also I cannot believe how stupid he was to think I'd start a fight with someone twice my size and how unfair it was he decided to punish me with violence for that. He should know better now, but he does not. It makes me so angry.
My mother recently has been calling me to tell me she misses me but it just brings back angry memories of my father and brother. She also knows that my brother was hitting me but plays it down because it would reveal her part in it too, and also that she never told my father. So as bad as I feel for not visiting her I'm still angry about that too.
It's very hard for me to forgive my family, and they think shit about and lie about me. So I cannot see things changing, although I hate feeling this way.
