I'm enjoying my vacation.

[leavingsoon99]

I'm currently in Nassau. I'm enjoying this so much. This has been such a fun trip, and I really am glad that I was able to come down and get away from my home for a while. I'm all the more at peace with my decision. Knowing that this is my last trip, I'm doing all the stuff that I otherwise wouldn't do. All the expensive meals, huge king sized bed, even approaching some beautiful women for conversation. It feels like all the pressure of life is off of me now. I look around at people here, still stressing about life. Overhearing people wonder if they'll make their mortgage next month, or trying to save their rocky marriage... here but not here. It's such a shame. It reminds me that I'm doing the right thing. I see no future for myself in this life. I was able to carry my firearm with me, and I still practice dry-firing exercises when I'm in my hotel room. I'm about to go out and have a drink and walk around to watch the sunset. I am so happy to be on vacation and I can't wait until I ctb.

 

[Letgo]

Enjoy your vacation!

 

[Zegers]

Enjoy the holidays as much as you can, in July will also be my last "holiday" it's just going to an airbnb but leaving house for me is already something like holidays, I'll try to do things even alone.

 

[The Final Solution]

Goddamn, you're going out like a king. I'm slightly jealous rn lmao

Also pretty curious as to how you managed to bring a gun from abroad

 

[Thisisme373]

This is how I'd like to go out, awesome, enjoy the rest of your holiday!

 

[JAlexa]

Nassau is a beautiful place, I'm genuinely happy for you.

I wish I could say the same, but unfortunately I don't have the funds to travel before my departure later this year (85 days to be exact). I originally planned on travelling to Tijuana for N, but those plans fell through due to the estimated $3,000 cost between 2 people for a 7 day trip. I've looked into June-Aug cruises and shown several options to my bf, but he doesn't seem to care - more so since we have to split the bill. He's aware of my plans to CTB and has accepted the possibility for years now, but instead of supporting me in my remaining days, he's drifting further away. My capacity to feel sadness has greatly diminished over the years, but it still hurts. Giving 9 years of my prime (age 17 to 26), with no formal relationship or engagement, to someone who can't provide good memories before I leave... Even as I make peace with my situation, similar to how you have on vacation, it's still depressing. What makes it worse is I've been yearning for a vacation for YEARS now and he/my family knows. But no, it turns out I don't deserve one, and they're right.

Sorry for bringing down the mood of what should be a happy thread, that wasn't my intention. I just feel strongly about the topic since it's something I've been struggling with myself. Nonetheless, I hope Nassau helps you see the beauty in our world outside of daily life, however limited it is.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Goddamn, you're going out like a king. I'm slightly jealous rn lmao

Also pretty curious as to how you managed to bring a gun from abroad

Thanks. International firearm laws vary from place to place. It was difficult, but in the Bahamas, I learned that a pistol caliber can be carried as long as it's totally disassembled and no ammunition will be purchased and carried back to the states. There ARE areas within the Bahamas that are US territories and governed by the US. So, it's not quite as difficult as if this were somewhere else. Plus, I'm ex-military. Just read and researched it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've often thought this. Like- some people work their whole lives- worrying and stressing. They retire and drop dead without ever really enjoying anything because they have been so worried the whole time. Of course- the ideal would be to enjoy life itself but many people simply don't have the finances, the stability, the circumstances to make a real go of that. It's hard to live in 'the now' if you don't know where your next pay cheque is coming from.

I've always thought it would be awesome to know when you were going to die. You could plan properly- even do what you're doing and enjoy yourself. It sounds amazing. I hope you enjpy the rest of it.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I've often thought this. Like- some people work their whole lives- worrying and stressing. They retire and drop dead without ever really enjoying anything because they have been so worried the whole time. Of course- the ideal would be to enjoy life itself but many people simply don't have the finances, the stability, the circumstances to make a real go of that. It's hard to live in 'the now' if you don't know where your next pay cheque is coming from.

I've always thought it would be awesome to know when you were going to die. You could plan properly- even do what you're doing and enjoy yourself. It sounds amazing. I hope you enjpy the rest of it.

Life truly is a "luck of the draw" situation. I'm blessed to have amassed enough finances over the years to just say "screw it" and go somewhere I've never been. But, don't be fooled by the motivational narrative where all you have to do is try and have a positive attitude. Life just simply doesn't work like that. Like you said, most people aren't blessed with the kind of situations and circumstances that allow them to 'live life to its fullest'. That's why I always held the idea that life doesn't hold a universal, arbitrary value. And even people who ARE blessed in this life are so worried about keeping those blessings that they never enjoy life. I'm seeing it down here now. Men with BEAUTIFUL women wishing they had another one. Women with guys who obviously love them ignore them and flirt with other men. It's insane that the human has been convinced that contentment equates to boredom and laziness.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I hope you have a beautiful time, and a beautiful ending.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Life truly is a "luck of the draw" situation. I'm blessed to have amassed enough finances over the years to just say "screw it" and go somewhere I've never been. But, don't be fooled by the motivational narrative where all you have to do is try and have a positive attitude. Life just simply doesn't work like that. Like you said, most people aren't blessed with the kind of situations and circumstances that allow them to 'live life to its fullest'. That's why I always held the idea that life doesn't hold a universal, arbitrary value. And even people who ARE blessed in this life are so worried about keeping those blessings that they never enjoy life. I'm seeing it down here now. Men with BEAUTIFUL women wishing they had another one. Women with guys who obviously love them ignore them and flirt with other men. It's insane that the human has been convinced that contentment equates to boredom and laziness.

I'm really happy for you and I'm happy you grasped the opportunity to do this. Yeah- sometimes I think suicidal people have a unique perspective on life. Almost like we are outside of it- in some ways, dead already. At least- the part of us that was exected to comply like everyone else. I never know whether it's the pessimist or depressive in me seeing it but yeah- I don't see much of it as being positive. People just striving like mad to varying degrees of success and failure but basically always wanting more and being afraid to loose what they already have. Nah- just enjoy the view and feel pleased you're not wrapped up in all that.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would be looking forward to leaving this horrible world, good luck with your plans, having your method all prepared must be a relief.