I'm done, goodbye

[dhjsjdjdjdjhc]

Guys we broke up, I'll just accept it. The only thing holding me back is gone, i can't do this anymore. I'll either be put in a mental hospital for a small amount of time or kill myself. It'll be decided tomorrow, I'll have a chat with my psychiatrist and if she can't convince my mother then I'll die. I'm tired, i don't want to live anymore. I'll od if i can and just cut if i can't, i can't possibly survive because my dad would be absolutely furious. So this time this is it, if i die i die for real. My first attempt was when i was 12, nothing changed since then. I'm just so tired, i can't do this anymore. I'll do it at school if i can't get any free time at home, I'm sorry to the poor person who will find me. I'm sorry for whoever will open that stall door but it's better than my mom finding me, she'd feel so guilty. I'm sorry for the bloody mess I'll create for people to see, i wish i could just disappear instead and leave no traces of myself. I'm sorry for everything I've done over the years, I'm sorry for being rude at times and I'm sorry for being me. I'm thankful for my friends, sometimes my family too. I'm thankful for everyone on here who were kind to me and I'm thankful for myself for holding it together for so long, I'm happy i managed to keep my mom carefree. See you guys in the next life if there is one, if i don't die I'll be back. If i decide to die I'll be back too for one last goodbye to everyone here and to everyone i loved over the years. Goodbye