Story im disabled, trans and wanna die (my story)

[godforbidpain]

i don't think anybody will give a damn about this, but just thought i'd jot it all down.

cutting a Really long story short: mental illness present most of my life, but didn't fully "blossom" until i was about 12 years old. i've lived thru constant trauma, from being forced into catholicism since before i could speak, to a dysfunctional family that has abused me on and off. bullying, not many friends, faced colorism and homophbia my whole life.
im genderless, living in a violently transphobic country, stuck under financial control by my neglectful family (cant work right now bcos Disabled) and am riddled with health problems. none of these things seem to be getting better and ive been wanting to CTB since i was a tween.

i only haven't died because i'm horribly afraid of pain (really low pain tolerance. autistic) and horribly afraid of regretting it at the last second, even though i think about offing myself all the time.

im currently on a year off from uni after a bad health crash in april made me go back to my hometown. im supposed to go back to uni in january 2025 but don't know if i can go back again, tbh. i'll live completely alone, in a way bigger city than i can handle, barely being able to afford necessities. it was torture for 2 years and it'll be torture again when im sent back.

thats all for now, i think. ㅇ ㅗ ㅇ

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you've suffered a lot, to me it really is so cruel how there's all this suffering. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[godforbidpain]

It sounds like you've suffered a lot, to me it really is so cruel how there's all this suffering. But anyway I wish you the best.

thank you. it's actually really nice for someone to acknowledge my pain so i really appreciate you saying this

 

[orpheus_]

That sounds terrible, I'm so sorry for you. Sounds like you got a combination of very difficult life circumstances. I hope you can find your peace, whatever it will be. Sending hugs, from a fellow trans person!

 

[twolegs]

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling, you're valid and I hope things find a way to look up for you soon. Also sending hugs from another fellow trans person :)