Story I'm constantly crying for help, and nothing's coming for me.

[symphony]

Every day in conversations with friends I'm screaming that I'm in so much pain. I'm drowning. Tortured by my own being. Every day I go to therapy (4x a week) I do the same, begging with my every breath for the slightest help. The therapists and patients in my group therapy can see the pain written all across my face. They see my panic attacks in real time. They see it when I cover my ears and pull my coat over my head in hopes I can disappear. They see it when I run out of the room to hide in some corner, shaking. They hear me share time and time again about how I fantasize over death. I'm lost in the tumultuous sea, desperate for even the mirage of a life-raft.

But the thing is, there's no help coming for me. I realized that long ago and yet I'm still crying out. My friends don't know how to respond anymore. Other patients look at me with pity and therapists with concern. On a regular basis I get pulled aside by various mental health professions to talk about "safety planning", and the best anyone can come up with is to keep doing what we're doing. Years of treatment, psychiatry, counseling, hospitalizations, residential - and it all, at the end, comes to this.

And in the end, I'll drown.

Fin.

 

[its-about-time]

The unfortunate reality is that we have to save ourselves. Nobody can rescue us. We have to do it. People will help, sometimes, but the responsibility is on us and it's often impossibly overwhelming. It sounds like they've done all they are equipped to do- residential, hospitalizations, daily therapy and groups, etc. It's not a matter of blame, it's just the tragic nature of suffering sometimes. I hope you find something to hold onto and maybe someday can pull yourself up a little bit for air. I'm sending you all my love and comfort.

 

[Acopia]

I know exactly the pain you are in.
I have nothing I can say other than:
I am so sorry.
-A

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that things are so hopeless. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. I understand that it is hard to carry on when you are in so much pain. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Eternity]

I'm so sorry for the pain you're in now, I can feel the desperation while reading it. Maybe because it's so relatable it could've been my story.

I don't know what to say but take care

 

[CommitSudoku]

You wrote that all very well, I'm sorry you're in such pain and you're calling out for help and there just isn't anything there. That's one thing that will make me sad on this site too - we often can empathize but we're all limited in what we can do and might want to help but not know how or it just wouldn't be possible. I haven't gone to as great of lengths to seek out help so you have my respect for trying and I wish so much you could have had more success.

Wishing you the best in whatever happens and with dealing with so much pain.

 

[whatevs]

Must of us are alone in life. Other people can help you in small ways but only yourself can withstand the pain or existence - or put an end to it.

Not to mention nobody will ever be as motivated as you are to have your situation improved.

 

[Mtnwildflowers]

I'm sorry sorry for your pain. I feel every word. I wish there was a more accepted peaceful exit for those like us. Modern therapy, psychiatry, etc can't fix this all. You're not alone in how you feel, but I wish there was more help and answers

 

[S like Siren]

But the thing is, there's no help coming for me. I realized that long ago and yet I'm still crying out.

Damn if fucking hurts when you realize that no help has come and still is not coming...it's so painful,i feel you so much,so much...

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Must of us are alone in life. Other people can help you in small ways but only yourself can withstand the pain or existence - or put an end to it.

Not to mention nobody will ever be as motivated as you are to have your situation improved.

The unfortunate reality is that we have to save ourselves. Nobody can rescue us. We have to do it. People will help, sometimes, but the responsibility is on us and it's often impossibly overwhelming. It sounds like they've done all they are equipped to do- residential, hospitalizations, daily therapy and groups, etc. It's not a matter of blame, it's just the tragic nature of suffering sometimes. I hope you find something to hold onto and maybe someday can pull yourself up a little bit for air. I'm sending you all my love and comfort.

Unfortunately this is the reality. If we don't take care of ourselves, no one else will. We are born and die alone. The most important relationship in our lives is with ourselves. Despite all of this, you are not alone and you can count on our support. We are all in the same boat.