Im being pushed to ctb

[magick'sgone]

I'm basing my evaluation on the information provided by OP. To me, it looks like a small reality is possibly turning into a magnified delusion. I don't mean to be insulting in any way. As someone who's been deluded, I know how easily it can snowball.

 

[throwaway123]

I know this sounds absolutely crazy but I believe my family and friends are pushing me to commit suicide. I believe my computer was hacked and my personal journal was given to my friends and family. Im also convinced that my phone was hacked. I'm almost certain that my journal was given to my supervisors and people I worked with. That's the short story. Keep reading for the long story.

Two years ago I decided to switch jobs. I was turning 40 and decided I needed to make more money. The departure from my job was rather quick. I only gave a week's notice. I had been with the company for 7 years and I loved everyone there.

(1) My one week notice pissed people off. (2) I had just stopped dating someone I worked with. He worked in IT. (3) One of my best friends worked at the company. My life was wrapped up in this job and I burned a lot of bridges leaving.

When I started my new job the supervisor looked at me like she'd never met me. I could tell she didn't like me but weeks earlier she was excited about hiring me. Immediately I felt like they wanted to get rid of me.

After a couple of months of working there I reported someone for inappropriate comments. After that, they made my life hell. Then one day at work I over heard someone say they just received a call and they said the phone number out loud. It was the exact phone number that I just received. I thought I was losing it or mistaken or may it was a coincidence.

Then I'd get a text and someone would read my text verbatim out loud. I'm freaking out. So I send a text to myself asking if my phone was tapped. Then someone in my office said, now she gets it.

Then during one of our meetings a supervisor tells us about a dream he had. The dream he had was my dream. I just wrote the exact same thing in my journal the day before using my computer. There's so much more but I'll spare the details.

This really started to mess with my head. I got a new computer, a new phone but they were hacked again. The harrassment was coming from everyone in the office including upper management. HR was a joke. She told me the people in my office were her friends and I needed to understand that. I called a lawyer he said I had to wait to be fired. Remember my phone is hacked so one of my coworkers just said straight up said, we wont fire you.

This is long enough so I'll jump to present day. Everyone I know has ghosted me, including my own mother. No one will talk to me. I moved to another state. I think they found me.

I've lost everything. My career is done because I dont have any references. I'm severely depressed. It's difficult to keep a job because of my own issues but I think the company I work for has been contacted. I cant take any more.

I told my mom that I want to die and I've asked her why she would participate in this. No answer. I know I have the right number. On top of all that, I question my sanity. Maybe I'm just crazy.

Trust me man I know exactly what you feel like. I'm going trough something similar and I am also being pushed to CTB.
I am going to do it soon. I do not want to live any longer.

 

[omoidarui]

I haven't tried the email trick so I might give it a go. I'm desperate.

but if you do this don't actually sign off as the authorities.. just use very formal wording that would imply to the average reader that it's someone with the right to ask such questions, but is open to interpretation.

 

[Going Home]

I know this sounds absolutely crazy but I believe my family and friends are pushing me to commit suicide. I believe my computer was hacked and my personal journal was given to my friends and family. Im also convinced that my phone was hacked. I'm almost certain that my journal was given to my supervisors and people I worked with. That's the short story. Keep reading for the long story.

Two years ago I decided to switch jobs. I was turning 40 and decided I needed to make more money. The departure from my job was rather quick. I only gave a week's notice. I had been with the company for 7 years and I loved everyone there.

(1) My one week notice pissed people off. (2) I had just stopped dating someone I worked with. He worked in IT. (3) One of my best friends worked at the company. My life was wrapped up in this job and I burned a lot of bridges leaving.

When I started my new job the supervisor looked at me like she'd never met me. I could tell she didn't like me but weeks earlier she was excited about hiring me. Immediately I felt like they wanted to get rid of me.

After a couple of months of working there I reported someone for inappropriate comments. After that, they made my life hell. Then one day at work I over heard someone say they just received a call and they said the phone number out loud. It was the exact phone number that I just received. I thought I was losing it or mistaken or may it was a coincidence.

Then I'd get a text and someone would read my text verbatim out loud. I'm freaking out. So I send a text to myself asking if my phone was tapped. Then someone in my office said, now she gets it.

Then during one of our meetings a supervisor tells us about a dream he had. The dream he had was my dream. I just wrote the exact same thing in my journal the day before using my computer. There's so much more but I'll spare the details.

This really started to mess with my head. I got a new computer, a new phone but they were hacked again. The harrassment was coming from everyone in the office including upper management. HR was a joke. She told me the people in my office were her friends and I needed to understand that. I called a lawyer he said I had to wait to be fired. Remember my phone is hacked so one of my coworkers just said straight up said, we wont fire you.

This is long enough so I'll jump to present day. Everyone I know has ghosted me, including my own mother. No one will talk to me. I moved to another state. I think they found me.

I've lost everything. My career is done because I dont have any references. I'm severely depressed. It's difficult to keep a job because of my own issues but I think the company I work for has been contacted. I cant take any more.

I told my mom that I want to die and I've asked her why she would participate in this. No answer. I know I have the right number. On top of all that, I question my sanity. Maybe I'm just crazy.

I know this sounds absolutely crazy but I believe my family and friends are pushing me to commit suicide. I believe my computer was hacked and my personal journal was given to my friends and family. Im also convinced that my phone was hacked. I'm almost certain that my journal was given to my supervisors and people I worked with. That's the short story. Keep reading for the long story.

Two years ago I decided to switch jobs. I was turning 40 and decided I needed to make more money. The departure from my job was rather quick. I only gave a week's notice. I had been with the company for 7 years and I loved everyone there.

(1) My one week notice pissed people off. (2) I had just stopped dating someone I worked with. He worked in IT. (3) One of my best friends worked at the company. My life was wrapped up in this job and I burned a lot of bridges leaving.

When I started my new job the supervisor looked at me like she'd never met me. I could tell she didn't like me but weeks earlier she was excited about hiring me. Immediately I felt like they wanted to get rid of me.

After a couple of months of working there I reported someone for inappropriate comments. After that, they made my life hell. Then one day at work I over heard someone say they just received a call and they said the phone number out loud. It was the exact phone number that I just received. I thought I was losing it or mistaken or may it was a coincidence.

Then I'd get a text and someone would read my text verbatim out loud. I'm freaking out. So I send a text to myself asking if my phone was tapped. Then someone in my office said, now she gets it.

Then during one of our meetings a supervisor tells us about a dream he had. The dream he had was my dream. I just wrote the exact same thing in my journal the day before using my computer. There's so much more but I'll spare the details.

This really started to mess with my head. I got a new computer, a new phone but they were hacked again. The harrassment was coming from everyone in the office including upper management. HR was a joke. She told me the people in my office were her friends and I needed to understand that. I called a lawyer he said I had to wait to be fired. Remember my phone is hacked so one of my coworkers just said straight up said, we wont fire you.

This is long enough so I'll jump to present day. Everyone I know has ghosted me, including my own mother. No one will talk to me. I moved to another state. I think they found me.

I've lost everything. My career is done because I dont have any references. I'm severely depressed. It's difficult to keep a job because of my own issues but I think the company I work for has been contacted. I cant take any more.

I told my mom that I want to die and I've asked her why she would participate in this. No answer. I know I have the right number. On top of all that, I question my sanity. Maybe I'm just crazy.

I believe you. People get together to gaslight others. They not only show your journal but will create a "journal" not your own words. They will hack your accounts to make it look like you are sending out hatred. They will record you and take your comments out of context of course. If they work in IT and they have your contact info they will go to the lengths of contacting family, people in the town you live in to set you up with videos.

Also, since they can watch your phone they will contact any potential employer to slander you before or after you interview. They will even go as far as contacting anyone you have called stating they are family members, then slander you.
People also submit complaints against others in your name to make you seem like a trouble maker. By the time you find out it has been going on for a while.
Keep ignoring them even when they verbalize your texts. They want to torture you and make you go off and look unstable. I pray for justice for you.

 

[Darkmornings]

This situation has really fucked up my life. Maybe I lost my mind, somewhere along the way. I've been questioning my sanity since this all began and it's the main reason I tried to ctb. I dont want to be crazy and I'm afraid. I have no one and if I cant take care of myself then im fucked.

If im not crazy then how do I escape this situation. I just dont know how much more I can take. No matter how I look at it this is a lose, lose situation. At this point all I can do is try to move on and forget the past. Maybe I can still piece my life back together.

Getting back to the purpose of this sight I just want a ctb plan in place. I'm close to being homeless. I cant keep a job. Im depressed. I'm paranoid. Just in case I cant take anymore I want to ctb. It's too tiring trying to live life this way.

I'm basing my evaluation on the information provided by OP. To me, it looks like a small reality is possibly turning into a magnified delusion. I don't mean to be insulting in any way. As someone who's been deluded, I know how easily it can snowball.

I agree. Something did happen but a lot of things are just coincidences. I completely acknowledge the fact that I've magnified things. It's hard to decipher reality from fantasy at this point.

 

[magick'sgone]

I completely understand and empathise with you. It's so difficult not knowing what's real and what's fantasy. The uncertainty is confusing and tiring as fuck. I was in the same place and came so close to driving into a tree or jumping off a cliff. Time in nature, magic mushrooms, being aware of my breathing, and slowing down my mind helped. I was also lucky to change to a low stress work environment. Moving on from the cause of all this would likely be very beneficial to you. It took me years to realise I had been wrong about a lot, and to see where I had been deluded. Do you live in a country that can provide you with any financial benefits if you are signed off work for a while?

 

[Robbyna]

I hope what I say won't offend you, but when I read your statement I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I should comment. I went though. Nearly identical situation including changing jobs suddenly and believing my phone had been hacked. There were thing said in both my offices that lead me to believe o was being spied on and plotted against. The reality was I had reported inappropriate behavior and this snowballed into hostility that made me paranoid. All the comments etc I have to chalk up to coincidence and my overwhelmed brain looking for patterns where none existed. I urge you to get help. My paranoia lead to drug use which ruined my life. My maladaptive coping skills on top of the paranoia destroyed me and my life is shambles now. I don't want the same thing to happen to you, so I urge you to use reason. If this were truly happening the way you think it is someone would confront you. Your mother at the very least would let you know that a strange man shared your journal with her. Someone in your office would want to distance themselves from criminal charges. This is a delusion, but do not self diagnose paranoia doesn't equal schizophrenia. The stress you are under after changing jobs and then handing to report someone at your new job could be all that precipitation this. I beg you to seek help. Your story is so similar to mine it's scary. So much so that if I were not in my right mind I would wonder if I'd been hacked. You see how that can happen and be totally innocent?

 

[magick'sgone]

Very well said, Robbyna. Especially the stuff about making connections and patterns where there are none. I suspected my parents were in on it with doctors and stuff, and that it had been a lifelong conspiracy. Almost like the truman show. I didn't know who to trust, thought I was being spied on via webcam etc. It was just the result of intense stress, and smoking waaaay too much fucking weed, but at the time it was very real. I had to have a change of lifestyle and surroundings in order to see the truth. Being able to take half an hour to relax every now and then is very important. Do you drink coffee? For me, caffiene was a major factor.
And please be kind to yourself during this time. It's easy to cause irreversible damage to yourself during such a time.

 

[Robbyna]

Very well said, Robbyna. Especially the stuff about making connections and patterns where there are none. I suspected my parents were in on it with doctors and stuff, and that it had been a lifelong conspiracy. Almost like the truman show. I didn't know who to trust, thought I was being spied on via webcam etc. It was just the result of intense stress, and smoking waaaay too much fucking weed, but at the time it was very real. I had to have a change of lifestyle and surroundings in order to see the truth. Being able to take half an hour to relax every now and then is very important. Do you drink coffee? For me, caffiene was a major factor.
And please be kind to yourself during this time. It's easy to cause irreversible damage to yourself during such a time.

I don't really drink coffee but I did while I was doing drugs to keep me awake during the day. If probably didn't help my situation. I have already caused irreversible damage to myself. In the end this is my reasoning for suicide. I can't live with the consequences of everything I've been through and put myself through. I was suicidal before but this was the last straw.

 

[magick'sgone]

Exactly the same as me, mate.
That's the worst bit: making it through the storm of insanity only to find you've fucked yourself up. Would have been easier if I off'd myself during the madness. Now I need to do it sane, and we know that's not easy

 

[Robbyna]

Exactly the same as me, mate.
That's the worst bit: making it through the storm of insanity only to find you've fucked yourself up. Would have been easier if I off'd myself during the madness. Now I need to do it sane, and we know that's not easy

I wish the same thing.

 

[magick'sgone]

If any of you ever need someone to talk to, i check this site most days. Due to family issues I can't ctb for a while, so I'm here as an unbiased ear for the time being. Be kind to yourselves

 

[been_there]

What the OP describes could be mobbing. Similar to school bullying. Also known as intimidation or harassment or stalking. Psychopathic and narcissistic people do this to distract from their own inadequacies. Many people have been driven to ctb by such toxic scum. There are laws against it but its difficult to address.

Mental health services will automatically presume its a mental health problem, but harassment is neither paranoia nor delusions. If you feel you can't decipher fantasy from reality then keep a log, which will demonstrate the difference and provide evidence. You can then approach mental health services with clarity and get medication that may help having to put up with it. I hope you find some peace.