I’m back (life updates)

[lonergirl_26]

Finally found a free vpn. Nothing will keep me away from here. apart from death.
I started dating someone new but I'm worried it's lust not love. He's the only man who I've ever been sexually attracted to and he's also the only person who I've felt comfortable with. I'm worried I'm confusing lust and his affection for love. I think I love him I'm trying really hard to.
I've gotten 2 more guinea pigs (8 all together)
Signed up for therapy. I had a phone call today and the assessment is in a few weeks. I'm not sure if I'm wanting to be honest with it.
The meds aren't working properly I just feel the same as I did. I've got another doctors appointment Friday.
My ctb is still the day before my 20 birthday I hoped the meds and relationship would change things but it hasn't. It's just under a month away.
I relapsed with self harm it had been a month but I had an argument with the boyfriend and was very upset. It felt so good especially because it had been along time since I've done it out of emotion.
I've been stuck in a binge cycle for a few months and am completely disgusted with myself.
I hope everyone is doing somewhat okay and is finding peace in life and death

 

[antithesis]

Hi Loner girl, a lot has been going on for you. I am sending you a lot of virtual love, even if we do not know each other
Whatever your choice ends to be, remind yourself that you are still trying actively, despite suffering from depression, SH and ED. You have booked up an appointment soon, you keep on trying meds even though they are not effective, and you sound appreciative of your SO. As for the assessment, feel free to talk or not talk about any subjects. You can take time to assess if you prefer to share or keep some info and it's OK.
Until then, I hope your pets and SO will soothe your mind as much as possible.
As for the wonky relationship start, honey phases are often this way, questioning whether it's true love or just wanting sex. It's normal and part of the experience.

How much of a support can your SO be atm? Have you been able to share your thoughts together? (not necessarily mentioning ctb)

Love