Venting Im back and Im not doing better..

[Sammystink]

It's been awhile since I was last active here..
Last time I was here I had just gotten out of the ward, and I was optimistic I was going to do better.. Now I've been in IOP for a few weeks and im just getting worse again..
Last night I had another attempt, I tied a noose and was ready to give up.. My friends stopped me and helped me through a panic attack.. I love them but I can't keep going anymore, no matter what happens I'll be stuck like this forever..
Recently I had one of my childhood bestfriends cut contact with me silently not even telling me why.. It really hurts, but it confirms to me that I deserve this, and that I need this..
I've lost plenty of friends, either people dying or leaving.. And at this point im sure that im the weak link...
I plan to ctb soon, but Idk how or when.. I feel pathetic and im running out of options..
I'll find a way soon enough..

 

[engineered_failure]

i like ur pfp

i dont have much to say as i dont know ur actual situation but i hope ur doing better now.
and i dont mean for this to sound 'live, laugh, love'-y but you saying:

I'll find a way soon enough..

do you think if you really give it everything you've got, you could maybe possibly find a way to keep pushing through and get better no matter what it takes. like i've tried hard personally but never 100%, i dont even know if i want to get better atp, but have you given it 100%? you've got some nice friends and ik the feeling of seemingly 'deserving it,' i dont think 5 year old you/me deserves it no matter how many mistakes they've made. hope things work out though, im rooting for u