Im at war with myself

[here_for_now]

Im split by two crossroads

1. Try to live despite the trauma and fuckery that I faced.

2. Commit suicide

To be honest I still want to die, and I fully expect myself to not make it to age 22. I truly believe my dreams and goals won't come true.

I have lost all hope in my life, I still try to be greatful for what I have and enjoy the small moments.

Ive delayed my suicide for too long and it was mainly for my family's sake but now that I have suffered greatly for delaying this suicide.

I tend to ask myself, what will become of me in this new disillusioned self due to my utter death of my identity that kept me chasing my goals. And away from suicide till last year.

I don't know exactly when but somewhere in 2025 i completely let myself go.

I used substances to quell my deep pain that came with my new life trajectory. I was living a life of quiet desperation.

But I started to hurt the ones I love and I hate that, id rather kill myself soon then make all my loved ones hurt anymore.

It was interesting, today i woke up to a message to make an appointment to schedule to a psychiatrist and therapy.

But then I just thought to myself, what's the point? They just going to fuck me all the way to Sunday again.

If they wanted to help me, they would've done it already.

I don't expect to be alive for longer than 6 months and that's generous. Im not going to live a life of quiet desperation anymore.

I tried all routes to advance in my life and I have failed, I have many regrets and failures

But im so fucking thankful I kept my humanity. I may have lost the battle, but I went out my own way.

I love all you miserable fucks on this forum

 

[tonicer]

If i don't manage to build a life for myself before my parents die i am going to kill myself after they are gone. Both are 80+ so every day might be their last. I love them both and they love me so i can't do it now. I'm 43 and waiting for a couple of years is manageable even if it's painful to be this deeply cursed.

I also love all of you.

We are all cursed together here.

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

Im split by two crossroads

1. Try to live despite the trauma and fuckery that I faced.

2. Commit suicide

To be honest I still want to die, and I fully expect myself to not make it to age 22. I truly believe my dreams and goals won't come true.

I have lost all hope in my life, I still try to be greatful for what I have and enjoy the small moments.

Ive delayed my suicide for too long and it was mainly for my family's sake but now that I have suffered greatly for delaying this suicide.

I tend to ask myself, what will become of me in this new disillusioned self due to my utter death of my identity that kept me chasing my goals. And away from suicide till last year.

I don't know exactly when but somewhere in 2025 i completely let myself go.

I used substances to quell my deep pain that came with my new life trajectory. I was living a life of quiet desperation.

But I started to hurt the ones I love and I hate that, id rather kill myself soon then make all my loved ones hurt anymore.

It was interesting, today i woke up to a message to make an appointment to schedule to a psychiatrist and therapy.

But then I just thought to myself, what's the point? They just going to fuck me all the way to Sunday again.

If they wanted to help me, they would've done it already.

I don't expect to be alive for longer than 6 months and that's generous. Im not going to live a life of quiet desperation anymore.

I tried all routes to advance in my life and I have failed, I have many regrets and failures

But im so fucking thankful I kept my humanity. I may have lost the battle, but I went out my own way.

I love all you miserable fucks on this forum

Miserable fucks. Sums us up alright. A lot of us are really 3 to 4 years past our use by dates.

 

[3rdworldsadness]

I can only hope for eternal peace. And I feel like after my mom's death I have to just hang myself cause there's no point in keep going. I feel so sick of everything and awful. I wish even I do earlier they all just forget me like I have never existed...