im always depressed no matter how good life gets

[StupidLizard]

Its amazing, truly.
Everything is going well around me. This past August was the closest I had achieved to attempting.
The failure of attempt was due to circumstances I could not control. My main method of death could not be acquired.
Now, a few months later, life is going better than I could have ever wished for. Some things are happening I never thought would occur.
And yet I am still depressed. I still want to die. I am still passively suicidal. I feel alone. I feel worthless.

Why?
Dying seems so comforting.

 

[Niirvana]

It happens the same to me, I just want to sleep forever

 

[FuneralCry]

I think I would still want to die no matter what, even if my life was going well. I want nothing to do with life, nothing would ever make me want to live. Death is very comforting to me, all I want is to be at peace. I wish you the best.

 

[LittleJem]

IMO it's a biological illness. It can happen no matter what the circumstances.

 

[Niirvana]

IMO it's a biological illness. It can happen no matter what the circumstances.

Exactly

 

[Beeper]

IMO it's a biological illness. It can happen no matter what the circumstances.

I completely agree.

Depression is not merely situational. There is a biological component.

I truly wish there were better means to treat depression. The current trial-and-error approach is grueling.

 

[Deleted member 8579]

That is very similar to what I am experiencing at the moment. When I joined this forum, I spent every waking hour marinating in my own misery and obsessing about suicide. Everything was doom and gloom. Nowadays, I am fairly relaxed and quite content really, but living remains tedious, stupid and unnecessary. I would also like to add that I am not depressed; there is simply no good reason to stay alive. I don't want to make any assumptions about you, but I believe that in my case it comes down to two fundamental things:

1) I have always been a negative utilitarian, long before I even knew the term. I dread the daily walk to my letter box, because there might be mail in it. It could be good news, but it could also be bad news, so I'd rather not receive any mail at all. I've had this mindset all my life, even before I became suicidal. I dislike problems (save for theoretical ones that have no real-world implications) and risks of any kind, and I never understood people who actively seek out challenges. It should be apparent why someone who thinks like this would prefer death to life.

2) I have no goals or ambitions whatsoever. Other people on this website dream of a boyfriend/girlfriend, financial security, physical/mental health, a supportive family, good looks etc. I don't need any of these things, and I think it is a fair assessment that, all things considered, I'm better off than 99% of the people in the world, let alone on this website. (I'm not saying this to brag or to rub it in, but in order to make my point.)
Am I being ungrateful? That's like putting a man in a cell and telling him to be grateful that he wasn't tortured as well.
What am I supposed to do in my life? Distract myself as best I can until I die? A tedious exercise and a risky experiment, because things can always get worse.

This is probably all very self-indulgent whining. Sorry.

Dying seems so comforting.

Are you sure about that? The thought of death is certainly comforting, but dying sounds terrifying.

 

[Ashu]

IMO it's a biological illness. It can happen no matter what the circumstances.

Nothing human is not biological.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Nothing human is not biological.

They mean it is physiological. physical essentially
On the other hand there is the situational depression which is distinguished by the symptoms being alleviated with the removal of the environmental stressors that caused depression to occur in first place which does NOT sound like what the OP has

 

[thinkkank]

pills would definetely solve that.