im always a problem

[starboy2k]

its a problem when im too happy and hyper
its a problem when im depressed and numb

its a problem when i know too much
its a problem when i dont know a damn thing

its a problem when i cry out about my suicidality
its a problem when i remain quiet about it too

its a problem when i overshare
its a problem when i dont open up at all

its a problem when i call and run my mouth too much
its a problem when i dont care to pick up the phone at all

its a problem when im flamboyant and expressive
its a problem when im rugged and dry

its a problem when i make dumb choices in order to figure out life
its a problem when i dont make any choices at all and remain a stay at home shut-in

its a problem when im too friendly
its a problem when im unapproachable

its a problem when im assertive
its a problem when i dont stick up for myself at all

i wonder how much of a problem i will be when im finally dead?

 

[lost in the lilies]

It really is exhausting how it never feels like you're doing the right thing. I'm sorry :(

 

[Macedonian1987]

I've been told countless times by my parents that I am nothing more than a problem to them. They even told me few times that it would have been better for them to gave birth to a stone than to me. Perhaps they're right. I was nothing but a burden to them. It was a huge mistake they had a second child - me.

 

[starboy2k]

I've been told countless times by my parents that I am nothing more than a problem to them. They even told me few times that it would have been better for them to gave birth to a stone than to me. Perhaps they're right. I was nothing but a burden to them. It was a huge mistake they had a second child - me.

you wouldn't have had to deal with all of that had they not given birth to you…what they are spewing at you, is what they would barely blame themselves for. wishing you peace <3

It really is exhausting how it never feels like you're doing the right thing. I'm sorry :(

yea im tired of feeling lost and always being talked "at" about how im supposed to live and view life in general. soon this shitshow will be over with.

 

[AkaRed]

yea im tired of feeling lost and always being talked "at" about how im supposed to live and view life in general. soon this shitshow will be over with.

God I feel this on TOOOO many levels honestly. It's exhausting being told what to feel and how to react- sometimes that's just not the way it goes, and people genuinely don't understand that.

its a problem when i cry out about my suicidality
its a problem when i remain quiet about it too

Sending you much love because I relate to this a lot. This forum is the only place I can actually be understood when it comes to these feelings. It goes back and forth sometimes, but it's either I'm being too depressive and annoying- or I'm not talking enough. It's fucking exhausting to feel like you can never do the right thing, no matter what you try. I promise you have a place here, and I accept you. <3

 

[prettyclam]

Everytime I see your posts they're always so real lol

But living like this is like hell. People will never be happy whether you live for yourself or live for them. It makes me wonder why I should try living at all. Even without the suicidality and depression, it'd be the same. Being dead would free you from being the "problem", a very appealing choice to me. I'm jealous of people who don't care about their every move being judged