NSFW I'm alone and virgin, I'm giving myself a year before I turn 20 to change my situation.

[Albertvincent]

I'm a virgin, with no friends and no girlfriend.

and I'm alone, loneliness makes me suicidal

It's all down to my physical ugliness—mainly my face.

I don't care about not having friends; I chat with coworkers regularly, but it doesn't really do anything for me.

The only real problem—and the one that weighs on me—is not having a girlfriend.

I don't have a girlfriend, and I never will.

I'm 19; I managed to cope with being single and ugly throughout my teenage years—people are forgiving when you're young, chalking it up to puberty and youth.

But I won't be able to handle being single as an adult.

loneliness, if only I wasn't alone anymore and I had a girlfriend

That's why I've decided that if I haven't found a girlfriend by then, I'll kill myself on my 20th birthday.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I feel that loneliness and being friendless, but differently I don't even have a job. I'm in your same situation basically. Never dated anyone throughout my years. Although I cannot and will not say if I'm ugly or not, it's just a concept I can't wrap my head around.

I wish you the best of your luck with your goal, but I'd also want to let you know that having a partner is not easy, if you're looking for an actual deep and truthful and healthy connection.

I managed to cope with such loneliness throughout my past years as well, but I suppose it eventually gets to a heavy point. Youth and "empathy" will eventually become my final curse.

 

[Albertvincent]

I feel that loneliness and being friendless, but differently I don't even have a job. I'm in your same situation basically. Never dated anyone throughout my years. Although I cannot and will not say if I'm ugly or not, it's just a concept I can't wrap my head around.

I wish you the best of your luck with your goal, but I'd also want to let you know that having a partner is not easy, if you're looking for an actual deep and truthful and healthy connection.

I managed to cope with such loneliness throughout my past years as well, but I suppose it eventually gets to a heavy point. Youth and "empathy" will eventually become my final curse.

Life has no meaning or purpose without it; there is nothing else to do. Women are the sole objective of a human life—a human being exists to find a woman, reproduce, and have children, and then those children will find women, and so on.

Without that, there is literally nothing else to do; it is just a void—no activity, nothing to do.
The goal of the human species is to reproduce—for children to reproduce in turn, and for their children to reproduce in turn.

If you don't have a girlfriend because you're too ugly or deviant, none of that can happen.

That is the original sin—the very reason we exist.
Why live, if the only reason for our existence on Earth cannot be fulfilled?

 

[Canto XIII]

Life has no meaning or purpose without it; there is nothing else to do. Women are the sole objective of a human life—a human being exists to find a woman, reproduce, and have children, and then those children will find women, and so on.

Without that, there is literally nothing else to do; it is just a void—no activity, nothing to do.
The goal of the human species is to reproduce—for children to reproduce in turn, and for their children to reproduce in turn.

If you don't have a girlfriend because you're too ugly or deviant, none of that can happen.

That is the original sin—the very reason we exist.
Why live, if the only reason for our existence on Earth cannot be fulfilled?

I used to think that as well, but now I believe it's too simplistic. Procreating is the biological goal of any woman and man as members of the human species, but are we bound to follow the natural imperative of our species? Our brains are more complex than other animals', and they are not satisfied the same way. Procreation is of no importance to a man if it doesn't bring him pleasure, and on the other hand there are lot of things which can bring him pleasure without the need of procreating. I might be wrong, but you yourself seem more interested in the supposed mean to obtain an offspring, that is a female lover, than to the supposed end, the offspring itself (which is completely reasonable). There have been men who lived fulfilling lives, or even reached the pinnacles of human realisation, without erotic relationships or children. What I mean is that a girlfriend is neither necessary nor sufficient to reach happiness. I'm not saying you should renounce that aspect of your life, if it's important to you, but don't conflate your entire existence into what is only one of its aspects, when there is so much more in life which can bring you joy. In other words, don't reduce yourself to the place where you want to stick your penis.

Sorry if I was too maudlin.

 

[fadedghost]

You mentioned being ugly. I'll presume that you're being honest and are. Are any of your facial issues correctable? (ie, do you have a severe underbite? extremely large nose? facial asymmetry (which is harder to correct but they can try)? acne prone skin? Jaw asymmetry?

I get what you are saying, but there are ugly people who get a job at 18, work constantly, get plastic surgery at 24 and are more attractive by 25 and then do find someone to date.

Some facial issues are incredibly hard to correct, but some aren't. Like jaw issues are pretty painful to correct, but they can lengthen jaw bones if there's jaw asymmetry. The one thing they can't really change is eye position in the skull. Or they can try, but it's incredibly risky and unlikely to work and so probably not worth doing. Skull shape is also incredibly risky to try to change, some surgeons will do it, but it often fails. A lot of plastic surgeons are greedy and the people who have bad outcomes aren't always vocal, so it's important to find someone who is super well known for being good if you consider that route.

Also, if you are giving yourself a year, you should at least put yourself on every dating site and if any woman shows interest, you need to go out with her if she's willing and see what happens, even if you aren't sure how you feel about her...

Like, this 1 year test isn't really a fair test if you're not putting yourself out there... right?

I was sexually assaulted by someone who was mad at me, and the attack was intentional and designed to physically hurt me. It did, and I have permanent damage. So I'm alone forever, but for a slightly different reason. I sort of get where you are coming from. Being sexually damaged by a psychopathic asshole is a big part of why I am suicidal, maybe close to 100 percent of the reason. And yes, I did see doctors about the damage that happened to me, and no, they can't do anything (internal scar tissue and nerve damage, among other issues, aren't really undoable by medicine).

My point is that you should at least have a consult with a plastic surgeon before offing yourself to see what they could do and what it would cost, and also put yourself on the romance/dating sites too, before surgery. You can't be sure if your situation is impossible without doing those things.

 

[Albertvincent]

You mentioned being ugly. I'll presume that you're being honest and are. Are any of your facial issues correctable? (ie, do you have a severe underbite? extremely large nose? facial asymmetry (which is harder to correct but they can try)? acne prone skin? Jaw asymmetry?

I get what you are saying, but there are ugly people who get a job at 18, work constantly, get plastic surgery at 24 and are more attractive by 25 and then do find someone to date.

Some facial issues are incredibly hard to correct, but some aren't. Like jaw issues are pretty painful to correct, but they can lengthen jaw bones if there's jaw asymmetry. The one thing they can't really change is eye position in the skull. Or they can try, but it's incredibly risky and unlikely to work and so probably not worth doing. Skull shape is also incredibly risky to try to change, some surgeons will do it, but it often fails. A lot of plastic surgeons are greedy and the people who have bad outcomes aren't always vocal, so it's important to find someone who is super well known for being good if you consider that route.

Also, if you are giving yourself a year, you should at least put yourself on every dating site and if any woman shows interest, you need to go out with her if she's willing and see what happens, even if you aren't sure how you feel about her...

Like, this 1 year test isn't really a fair test if you're not putting yourself out there... right?

I was sexually assaulted by someone who was mad at me, and the attack was intentional and designed to physically hurt me. It did, and I have permanent damage. So I'm alone forever, but for a slightly different reason. I sort of get where you are coming from. Being sexually damaged by a psychopathic asshole is a big part of why I am suicidal, maybe close to 100 percent of the reason. And yes, I did see doctors about the damage that happened to me, and no, they can't do anything (internal scar tissue and nerve damage, among other issues, aren't really undoable by medicine).

My point is that you should at least have a consult with a plastic surgeon before offing yourself to see what they could do and what it would cost, and also put yourself on the romance/dating sites too, before surgery. You can't be sure if your situation is impossible without doing those things.

I don't want to have cosmetic surgery; I would have liked to be good-looking in an ordinary, natural way. It's a matter of morale and ego—I know it might seem childish.

I would have liked things to happen naturally; I would have liked to experience that first teenage love—an ordinary, natural love, just ordinary.
I don't like dating sites; I want to meet women in real life.
So, I'm going to give myself the concrete means to meet some during this one-year period.

 

[Mr.Ruben]

I don't want to have cosmetic surgery; I would have liked to be good-looking in an ordinary, natural way. It's a matter of morale and ego—I know it might seem childish.

I would have liked things to happen naturally; I would have liked to experience that first teenage love—an ordinary, natural love, just ordinary.
I don't like dating sites; I want to meet women in real life.

this reply makes me want to hit the gym more (im tall but I want more weight, I feel skinny).
I personally feel ugly because of some things, a skin condition of mine is not helping, and I had 1 real relationship. I still would feel having good friends is better, but I get the idea. Also with all respect, love needs patience with the human mind, you probably can find a partner before you turn 20, the most important is the quality of the relationship

 

[Albertvincent]

I used to think that as well, but now I believe it's too simplistic. Procreating is the biological goal of any woman and man as members of the human species, but are we bound to follow the natural imperative of our species? Our brains are more complex than other animals', and they are not satisfied the same way. Procreation is of no importance to a man if it doesn't bring him pleasure, and on the other hand there are lot of things which can bring him pleasure without the need of procreating. I might be wrong, but you yourself seem more interested in the supposed mean to obtain an offspring, that is a female lover, than to the supposed end, the offspring itself (which is completely reasonable). There have been men who lived fulfilling lives, or even reached the pinnacles of human realisation, without erotic relationships or children. What I mean is that a girlfriend is neither necessary nor sufficient to reach happiness. I'm not saying you should renounce that aspect of your life, if it's important to you, but don't conflate your entire existence into what is only one of its aspects, when there is so much more in life which can bring you joy. In other words, don't reduce yourself to the place where you want to stick your penis.

Sorry if I was too maudlin.

I don't see what else there is; could you give some concrete examples of other things that are worth it?

 

[Canto XIII]

I don't see what else there is; could you give some concrete examples of other things that are worth it?

It really depends on the person. For someone it's their job, for someone else it's friendship, for someone else still it's knowledge, or arts, or politcs, or community, it can even be sports or hobbies. Most of the times it's a mixture of several things. For example, I used to think learning was going to be my life. Plato's Symposium offers a very interesting perspective on self-realization and its link with love, and it isn't a difficult book. In my opinion, however, the most important thing is not the inherent worth of something (if such a thing even exists), but what it can bring you in terms of pleasure and joy.

 

[LosingFeathers]

Can we maybe not objectify people? If your only goal is to "get a girlfriend" so you can put your dick into someone, than maybe reconsider what you want. Because it sounds to me like you only want to fuck, which is ok, I get it. But that won't fix your loneliness.

 

[Albertvincent]

Can we maybe not objectify people? If your only goal is to "get a girlfriend" so you can put your dick into someone, than maybe reconsider what you want. Because it sounds to me like you only want to fuck, which is ok, I get it. But that won't fix your loneliness.

I want sex and tenderness.

 

[LosingFeathers]

I mean yeah sure, we all want that in the end (almost). But that shouldn't be your only goal in life imo. And saying you gonna ctb when you don't have sex in a year sounds a bit immature, no offense.

 

[Albertvincent]

I mean yeah sure, we all want that in the end (almost). But that shouldn't be your only goal in life imo. And saying you gonna ctb when you don't have sex in a year sounds a bit immature, no offense.

I am immature

and I would like not to bring shame on my family

 

[caotic_realm]

I think you have a chance of getting a girlfriend if you make an effort. I don't know which country you're from, but assuming the specific country matters less than the culture of "lookism," you could try changing your appearance to make yourself more attractive—or even altering your personality, even if it means not being entirely authentic—all with the goal of finding a girlfriend, if that's what you want.

Mind you, I'm not saying this to lecture you; I say it because I suffered a great deal back then over not having a girlfriend. Even though I'm nearly 15 years older than you and nothing changed for me—though I admit I didn't really put in the effort—I still think that in cases where the pain of not having a girlfriend feels "suicidal," it is possible to make it a reality. There's even a guy on YouTube who posted about not being attractive—and so on—but then went viral after managing to marry (I think) a girl who was actually quite pretty. So there is a chance, Albert—there is a chance!

 

[Albertvincent]

I think you have a chance of getting a girlfriend if you make an effort. I don't know which country you're from, but assuming the specific country matters less than the culture of "lookism," you could try changing your appearance to make yourself more attractive—or even altering your personality, even if it means not being entirely authentic—all with the goal of finding a girlfriend, if that's what you want.

Mind you, I'm not saying this to lecture you; I say it because I suffered a great deal back then over not having a girlfriend. Even though I'm nearly 15 years older than you and nothing changed for me—though I admit I didn't really put in the effort—I still think that in cases where the pain of not having a girlfriend feels "suicidal," it is possible to make it a reality. There's even a guy on YouTube who posted about not being attractive—and so on—but then went viral after managing to marry (I think) a girl who was actually quite pretty. So there is a chance, Albert—there is a chance!

I'm trying to change my appearance

 

[Albertvincent]

It's been nearly four years since I've spoken to anyone—aside from my coworkers during breaks and my parents—and I'm only 19, so I've had almost no social contact since I was 14 or 15.

 

[post_card]

Life has no meaning or purpose without it; there is nothing else to do. Women are the sole objective of a human life—a human being exists to find a woman, reproduce, and have children, and then those children will find women, and so on.

Without that, there is literally nothing else to do; it is just a void—no activity, nothing to do.
The goal of the human species is to reproduce—for children to reproduce in turn, and for their children to reproduce in turn.

If you don't have a girlfriend because you're too ugly or deviant, none of that can happen.

That is the original sin—the very reason we exist.
Why live, if the only reason for our existence on Earth cannot be fulfilled?

Your mindset is weird. Do you value yourself only by the ability to reproduce and have children?

 

[Albertvincent]

Your mindset is weird. Do you value yourself only by the ability to reproduce and have children?

I've never had a girlfriend, I just want a woman who loves me

 

[post_card]

I've never had a girlfriend, I just want a woman who loves me

Completely natural human emotion. Who wouldn't want a loving partner.

I also want to one day find the woman of my life. But I never plan on having children. Spawning a new life into this shithole feels morally distorted, to say the least. Does that mean that my life is pointless?

You also wrote this.

I would like not to bring shame on my family

Are you from a country where having a big family is endorsed culturally or are you from a let's say a really conservative family which mindset is to raise as many kids as possible? Just curious.

 

[Albertvincent]

Completely natural human emotion. Who wouldn't want a loving partner.

I also want to one day find the woman of my life. But I never plan on having children. Spawning a new life into this shithole feels morally distorted, to say the least. Does that mean that my life is pointless?

You also wrote this.

Are you from a country where having a big family is endorsed culturally or are you from a let's say a really conservative family which mindset is to raise as many kids as possible? Just curious.

Not really—no more than anyone else—but not bringing a girl home at my age is embarrassing.

 

[fadedghost]

I don't want to have cosmetic surgery; I would have liked to be good-looking in an ordinary, natural way. It's a matter of morale and ego—I know it might seem childish.

I would have liked things to happen naturally; I would have liked to experience that first teenage love—an ordinary, natural love, just ordinary.
I don't like dating sites; I want to meet women in real life.
So, I'm going to give myself the concrete means to meet some during this one-year period.

i get it, i wish my life in some ways had been more... i don't know... just things going in an easier way. I get that wishing things were natural and organic. I hope meeting people the way you're going to try works out for you. There''s meetup.com and other sites, and sometimes people meet doing hobbies or at clubs or different places.

 

[Albertvincent]

up

 

[monkeyfff]

It's plainly over.

 

[fadedday]

I bet you're not ugly. I had a crush on a 32 year old virgin. If I could be attracted to him, I bet someone will be attracted to you too.

 

[dance0nglass84]

It's been nearly four years since I've spoken to anyone—aside from my coworkers during breaks and my parents—and I'm only 19, so I've had almost no social contact since I was 14 or 15.

I'm ngl, from what I read, it sounds like you have a lot of underlying shame about things which is affecting how you view yourself and project yourself. Have you at least been to therapy before? I know it doesn't fix everything (it hasn't for me) but I really do think it would at least help alleviate the pain of loneliness you feel currently.
Because—and I'm not trying to be mean), but I feel that you're not ready to truly love and respect a partner if you're not able to give yourself the same love and respect first.

(You do have nice music taste though)

 

[fadedghost]

I'm ngl, from what I read, it sounds like you have a lot of underlying shame about things which is affecting how you view yourself and project yourself. Have you at least been to therapy before? I know it doesn't fix everything (it hasn't for me) but I really do think it would at least help alleviate the pain of loneliness you feel currently.
Because—and I'm not trying to be mean), but I feel that you're not ready to truly love and respect a partner if you're not able to give yourself the same love and respect first.

(You do have nice music taste though)

don't take this the wrong way, but i feel like this is what some people, especially some women, say in order to soften the cruel reality of the dating world. i don't feel like OP is saying anything with "shame" or a "lack of confidence," I think he is being honest about a difficult situation.

if a guy has an extremely recessed chin, for example, something that can actually be fixed surgically, very few people will want to date them, and it has nothing to do with self-love.

Here is an example on someone (who is not a user here) who got double jaw surgery. The person on the left would have a very hard time getting a date because of how recessed his jaw and chin is. The person on the right would not have a hard time getting a date. Confidence has nothing to do with it. You may perceive the person on the right as more confident, but it's irrational, it's the same person, and one of them is more attractive post-op.


I get that OP doesn't want to save up and get surgery. But I feel like saying to people who are not that attractive something like "you just need therapy and self-love and confidence" is often as cruel as telling someone who needs to walk with a cane that they just need to try running more.

it is objectively very hard for males to date women when they are less attractive. there are studies on this, it has to do with physical appearance and is not about confidence.

i think selling therapy as a cure to being unattractive is a bit like selling snake oil. It's just not genuinely going to impact things. Therapy can maybe help people accept being less attractive, or help them explore why plastic surgery could help, or could help someone to work out more or accept being alone, but therapy does not change facial geometry, height, weight, bone lengths. The dating world can be very cruel, and pretending it isn't, isn't very helpful, from my cynical perspective.

OP can choose to not want plastic surgery, and give himself a year to try meet a woman, that's a legitimate strategy, everyone has a type and sometimes people who look a little different meet someone who finds them attractive and things work out, but going to a therapist to get "confidence" to be more desirable to women isn't a valid technique, it isn't objectively how reality works.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I'm glad you're giving yourself a chance, I hope all goes well for you.

 

[Albertvincent]

It's plainly over.

There is a 1% chance left

I bet you're not ugly. I had a crush on a 32 year old virgin. If I could be attracted to him, I bet someone will be attracted to you too.

You are an exception, not the rule. I am confronted with the rule every day

don't take this the wrong way, but i feel like this is what some people, especially some women, say in order to soften the cruel reality of the dating world. i don't feel like OP is saying anything with "shame" or a "lack of confidence," I think he is being honest about a difficult situation.

if a guy has an extremely recessed chin, for example, something that can actually be fixed surgically, very few people will want to date them, and it has nothing to do with self-love.

Here is an example on someone (who is not a user here) who got double jaw surgery. The person on the left would have a very hard time getting a date because of how recessed his jaw and chin is. The person on the right would not have a hard time getting a date. Confidence has nothing to do with it. You may perceive the person on the right as more confident, but it's irrational, it's the same person, and one of them is more attractive post-op.
View attachment 205080

I get that OP doesn't want to save up and get surgery. But I feel like saying to people who are not that attractive something like "you just need therapy and self-love and confidence" is often as cruel as telling someone who needs to walk with a cane that they just need to try running more.

it is objectively very hard for males to date women when they are less attractive. there are studies on this, it has to do with physical appearance and is not about confidence.

i think selling therapy as a cure to being unattractive is a bit like selling snake oil. It's just not genuinely going to impact things. Therapy can maybe help people accept being less attractive, or help them explore why plastic surgery could help, or could help someone to work out more or accept being alone, but therapy does not change facial geometry, height, weight, bone lengths. The dating world can be very cruel, and pretending it isn't, isn't very helpful, from my cynical perspective.

OP can choose to not want plastic surgery, and give himself a year to try meet a woman, that's a legitimate strategy, everyone has a type and sometimes people who look a little different meet someone who finds them attractive and things work out, but going to a therapist to get "confidence" to be more desirable to women isn't a valid technique, it isn't objectively how reality works.

Yes, but my problem isn't just about my jaw; all the features of my face—mouth, nose, eyes, jaw—aren't very harmonious and are a bit unattractive.

 

[wisdom]

You are still young wait

 

[Albertvincent]

I'm ngl, from what I read, it sounds like you have a lot of underlying shame about things which is affecting how you view yourself and project yourself. Have you at least been to therapy before? I know it doesn't fix everything (it hasn't for me) but I really do think it would at least help alleviate the pain of loneliness you feel currently.
Because—and I'm not trying to be mean), but I feel that you're not ready to truly love and respect a partner if you're not able to give yourself the same love and respect first.

(You do have nice music taste though)

Thanks, but I've already explored that through self-reflection. My problem isn't my mindset, but really my physique and my face

You are still young wait

I can handle being a failure at a young age, but not an adult failure.