I have a hair trigger temper, and have lost jobs and have a record because of it. I know it's because of trauma and bullying from childhood, and being raised by a Narc father. I wish I could have been one of the assholes that "fell upwards" and doesn't have accountability like our president, but I have to truly face my karma. Once the family business fails, which it likely will because my dad refuses to see reason, no one will hire me and I'll be destitute. So after that it's likely just jail or homelessness and I have been to jail and it's worse than death for a bipolar person like me.
So I'm just trying to find the best method. Sad thing is I have a family and son but I've already failed them, and I can't control my mental state a lot of the time. I have to find a way to CtB that will be the least traumatic for everyone (except for narc dad).. and I don't really know if I should just hold out until I'm actually completely destitute. I also have a good chunk of old company stock to burn through but long term I'm definitely fucked haha.
It's not even just the situation, which sucks but I know some have it worse, but the trauma and mental illness is here to stay, since I had it ever since I was a teenager and I thought I'd age out and mature out of it, but nope.. the shitty bipolar, deep depression and anxiety is here to fucking stay until I'm dead. Fuck this
So I'm just trying to find the best method. Sad thing is I have a family and son but I've already failed them, and I can't control my mental state a lot of the time. I have to find a way to CtB that will be the least traumatic for everyone (except for narc dad).. and I don't really know if I should just hold out until I'm actually completely destitute. I also have a good chunk of old company stock to burn through but long term I'm definitely fucked haha.
It's not even just the situation, which sucks but I know some have it worse, but the trauma and mental illness is here to stay, since I had it ever since I was a teenager and I thought I'd age out and mature out of it, but nope.. the shitty bipolar, deep depression and anxiety is here to fucking stay until I'm dead. Fuck this
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