dysthym1a
i just keep letting me down
- Sep 9, 2023
- 10
When I look back on my life, all I see is regret.
To be honest, I really want to live but I don't see anything to look forward to anymore.
I'm too scared of failing interviews to get a job so I've just become a financial leech to my family.
I gave up trying to find any sort of connection when I realised that I'm incapable of forming any meaningful relationships. I ghost people when I get overwhelmed so they just stop talking to me. God, I'm so selfish. I want friends yet I won't make the effort to do it.
I'm so lonely, I can't take it anymore.
I see other people thriving in life and all I feel is envy… I'm so disgusting. Feeling envious just because I'm too lazy to get off my ass and do something good for myself.
I'm lonely, I'm lonely, I'm lonely!!!
I wish there was an easy way out. I'm so useless, people probably wouldn't notice if I died. I don't deserve this life. I don't have any hardships. I'm not starving, I have a roof over my head, my family supports me well but I don't give anything back. I'm able bodied, I'm capable enough to be in uni yet all I do is lay on the couch for hours on end waiting for something to end me.
Stupid SI makes me so scared to die. I crave the nothingness after death - in fact, I fantasize about it often. But I'm scared of regretting it or messing it up… I'm scared of the commitment it takes to ctb. People who choose to ctb are so brave, I don't know how they can follow through with it. Why do things have to be so hard. I don't get it. I think I'm just too weak. Other people are able to get through life just fine but I just crumble like a freak.
I don't know anymore. I want to die. Or do I want to live? I guess I just want some support or something. I'm tired of suffering in silence. I don't want to be alone.
To be honest, I really want to live but I don't see anything to look forward to anymore.
I'm too scared of failing interviews to get a job so I've just become a financial leech to my family.
I gave up trying to find any sort of connection when I realised that I'm incapable of forming any meaningful relationships. I ghost people when I get overwhelmed so they just stop talking to me. God, I'm so selfish. I want friends yet I won't make the effort to do it.
I'm so lonely, I can't take it anymore.
I see other people thriving in life and all I feel is envy… I'm so disgusting. Feeling envious just because I'm too lazy to get off my ass and do something good for myself.
I'm lonely, I'm lonely, I'm lonely!!!
I wish there was an easy way out. I'm so useless, people probably wouldn't notice if I died. I don't deserve this life. I don't have any hardships. I'm not starving, I have a roof over my head, my family supports me well but I don't give anything back. I'm able bodied, I'm capable enough to be in uni yet all I do is lay on the couch for hours on end waiting for something to end me.
Stupid SI makes me so scared to die. I crave the nothingness after death - in fact, I fantasize about it often. But I'm scared of regretting it or messing it up… I'm scared of the commitment it takes to ctb. People who choose to ctb are so brave, I don't know how they can follow through with it. Why do things have to be so hard. I don't get it. I think I'm just too weak. Other people are able to get through life just fine but I just crumble like a freak.
I don't know anymore. I want to die. Or do I want to live? I guess I just want some support or something. I'm tired of suffering in silence. I don't want to be alone.
