Venting I'm a monster i don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore

[deadzombie6]

I had a besfriend 4 years ago and a year ago we fought and i told her mom with cancer should die and that she's unlovable and she got no friends or anything . It was an year ago and i apologized to her by writting her a letter i know what i did was wrong and i won't justify myself . So today she unblocked me on snap and sent me a message saying that her mom is dead and that she's actually passed away . She told me not to ruin anyone's life like I did to her and that i " cursed" her and my " curse " came true . I couldn't say much but she just told me not to die and to live a beautiful life and fall in love and that she forgives me and she still doesn't hates me I was getting better lately but god this just threw me off guard . I want to die i want to kill myself . I can't believe i ended up hurting the only person I've ever loved this much mind you she was the same friend i once wrote poems for , she's the only person i thought i ever had in my life and i hurted her so badly . I will never justify myself but i wish i could Just die i don't deserve life i don't deserve happiness I feel so guilty it wasn't a random person i told this too , the same girl i tried to find in others , the same girl i wrote poems for , the same girl i hear in every song i listen to . This fucking hurts

 

[Stan Swiftie]

Of course it hurts. What you said was horrible, no doubt about it. But hating yourself, calling yourself a monster, and killing yourself over it? Really? You fucked up badly. You made a mistake. Your former friend can't forgive you for it, and who can blame her? But that's on her. What good does it do her to hate you... Or anyone else? You need to forgive yourself. You didn't kill her mother. You didn't curse anyone. You don't have that kind of power. You're sorry, right? You asked for forgiveness, right? That's all you can do for her. Now, you need to forgive yourself! Then focus on you. Be someone who'll never say anything like that ever again. Be someone you can love. We all make mistakes. Some very very bad. I've been forever alone & miserable in my pointless pathetic existence because of how I treated my ex-wife. I never forgive myself. I never moved on. And now it's too late. Take some time to mourn for your friendship. But after that, please forgive yourself, and move on. It's okay.

 

[deadzombie6]

Of course it hurts. What you said was horrible, no doubt about it. But hating yourself, calling yourself a monster, and killing yourself over it? Really? You fucked up badly. You made a mistake. Your former friend can't forgive you for it, and who can blame her? But that's on her. What good does it do her to hate you... Or anyone else? You need to forgive yourself. You didn't kill her mother. You didn't curse anyone. You don't have that kind of power. You're sorry, right? You asked for forgiveness, right? That's all you can do for her. Now, you need to forgive yourself! Then focus on you. Be someone who'll never say anything like that ever again. Be someone you can love. We all make mistakes. Some very very bad. I've been forever alone & miserable in my pointless pathetic existence because of how I treated my ex-wife. I never forgive myself. I never moved on. And now it's too late. Take some time to mourn for your friendship. But after that, please forgive yourself, and move on. It's okay.

Yeah I'll try too thank you (:

 

[FishRain3469]

I agree. Try your best to give yourself some Grace and the Space to forgive yourself... To accept it, and move on 1 day at a time.

I Know it's all easier said than done, I'm very similar to you. Trying my best to forgive myself and others right now. It's a long road, and a very rough one at that. Please try and take care of yourself if possible, You are Not alone. ♥

 

[bankai]

You're no monster. There are monsters everywhere. They disregard everyone else without a second thought. You, however realize that what you did was wrong. People do wrong things every day. Remorse is what makes us decent people.You're trying to change. You are changing. I'm sure you won't do it in the future.

 

[iwishtodie8]

I just want to die

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Monster here too, I hurt people all the time. This sucks.

 

[FoxSauce]

Is ok to feel this way. Also yeah you fucked up but why does killing yourself will resolve? You'll just be in more pain and no just because you did all that doesn't mean you deserve death.

Your not a monster if im not mistaken you didn't mean what you said and I dont think you cursed anyone. Ofc what you did was pretty bad but forgive yourself too if your freind wants to forgive you or not that totally up to them but don't think yourself as a monster.

Try to say yeah I fucked up and try to atleast tell or show your freind that you regret what you said or did. Ofc this is not something to blow over. If you actually feel guilty as hell that doesn't make you a monster in the slightest.

We all fucked up big or not but a person who has the balls to admit they are wrong takes a lot of courage and guts.

I hope this helps and ik by saying I'm sorry won't resolve much but hey you tried right?