azukigirl
whip, step, jump! glitterific!!
- Oct 24, 2023
- 25
having access to no methods sucks i cant even self harm because theres nothing except i dismantled a shaving tool but it does nothing :/ anyways i've spent the last 3 months inside, and before i moved to a different country, (couple months ago) i spent maybe 2 years mostly inside dealing with abuse. i'm an ugly girl loser with bo friends (most people tell me im weird and over emotional) and i hate it idk. there's not much else to say other than i'm in purgatory. even if i escaped abuse i can't escape the fact i'm an unlikable ugly person that makes people feel weird and uncomfortable. i can't escape my trauma and will keep having episodes. (3 years in therapy) i feel in a lot of pain. i wish i ctb when i could have. different topic cus its on my mind, i know its bad to compare but, (genuine question) isn't that what our social status is based off? i know it's weird to obsess over friends or obsess over self image but isn't community the backbone? isn't how you are percieved in the world important? all the other rlly pretty asian girls are strong and likable and have pretty skin, struggle with purpose, while having good opportunities. and when i look at myself, i don't have an elegant round face or a bunny nose or puppy eyes. im not fair skinned and i know what people think of me because im chubby, ugly, and weird because im autistic. i have THE WEIRD KID DIALECT AND STUTTER AND STIM AND CANT MASK IT. i hate it. no one my age likes me. the pnly people who give me time of day are weird old men that sexualize me because im disabled and young and "exotic". i dont feel real at all. i can't even actually have ability to make friends because i can't have conversations properly now and at this point people scare me too much now. it just sucks it's been like that for me and i've never talked about it like this sorry if i'm being a sour puss :[
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