Venting im a coward.

[neverwashere]

yesterday I tried killing myself for the second time since I have joined this website. I was going to use the same method- partial hanging- but just like last time I couldn't bring myself to do it. But this time, it was because of my cat. I swear, its like he knew what I was doing because he wouldn't stop rubbing against me and screaming at me, even when I locked him out of the room I was in and gave him extra wet food in case he was hungry, but he kept clawing at the door and meowing until I let him in. I know I sound crazy and that this shit never happens in real life but it really felt like he was trying to stop me. he only stopped meowing as soon as I took apart the noose and put it away.
the reason I feel like a coward is because I let an animal get to me. I got way too sentimental over him probably just looking for attention. I've had this cat since I was 11, and there have been times where he was my only friend, so he's more than just an animal to me. I think that's why I couldn't bring myself to do it. I feel awful about myself, I dont know what to do anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't really think that someone is cowardly if they don't go through with ctb, I just think that after all it's a personal decision deciding when to leave, but anyway best wishes.

 

[Elle]

it sounds like your cat knows your time isn't up. Your cat would miss you. But whatever you decide to do my friend, best wishes.

 

[DystopianWorld94]

Your cat seems to be more appreciative of your presence than most humans are, in my opinion. He could probably sense that something isn't right and that you're deeply sad/depressed. Animals have emotional intelligence almost just as much as we do, but in their own way. My suggestion is maybe stay around until your cat dies and then decide if you truly want to CTB or not, or use the time between now and then to make a long-winded decision about everything.

 

[Unattainable666]

First off, you are NOT a coward. If you were in front of me I would give you a huge hug. You cared enough about your cat to stop what you were doing. I believe as you do, she/he was trying to stop you. Cats are smarter than most humans. Your cat wants you to hang around. Someone like you is so fucking rare in this world. I am so glad you are here.