Venting I'll probably go to CTB this Friday

[seaquake]

I've been having constant nausea since I was 9 years old and for some reason, I associate it with my mother's constant screaming. It seems random, but when I die, all I'll think about is getting rid of it.

I'm quite sad because there are a lot of series, movies, and songs that I won't watch or listen to, but I'm relieved to know that my family will feel all the pain of mourning.

 

[deadbidaylight]

Have you sought treatment for this in the past? If it's psychosomatic, it is most definitely treatable. Even if it's something physical, it is more than likely treatable as well.

Suicide should be the last choice after exhausting all other options. I'm sorry that you feel the need to end it all, but I implore you to try and get treatment and see if your outlook changes. It could be a very simple fix. I think you at least owe yourself that.

You sound quite young. There is probably a ton of life you have yet to experience. I would hate to see you not be able to experience those things. There really is a lot of joy to be found in life should you allow yourself to see it for what it is.

A lot of people on here have tried almost everything to ease their pain and it hasn't been successful. Or they have debilitating illnesses or disabilities that have driven them here. I'm not trying to invalidate your pain, but something such as nausea could be a multitude of easy treatments or diagnosis. Please look into help before considering ending it.

 

[seaquake]

But suicide is really my last option. I've sought therapy in the past, etc. It never really worked, and since I hate living with my family and I hate being underemployed, I don't think it makes sense to look for reasons to go through this torture in exchange for supposed happiness. I'll be alone all this time on this rocky road, and as the philosopher Alexandre Flausino da Motta would say: "What's the point in living alone? In not sharing anything with anyone?".


+ One of my biggest frustrations (besides being born where I was born) is precisely being prevented from experiencing the good things in life. In addition to the material part of my problem, I obviously still have metaphysical and mental limitations, and all of this makes me want to die even more: knowing that I didn't live what I should have lived. I don't have the resources (not financial) for any treatment, and nausea is not the cause of my suicide.