C:\
Member
- Apr 10, 2023
- 59
Recently I have gotten into a long-distance type relationship with a friend from my highschool, and she gets back in town during the summers. I would imagine it would be a good thing to be able to see her when she visits but I just feel like im not enough for her. Im nervous for the next time shes in town because she'll see that im still the loser i always was.I'm broke, skinny, and have plenty of mental and emotional issues, I get angry very easily and bottle up my emotions until I can't. I just wish i didnt have so much on my plate to worry about
Every time I try to improve myself I get better but then I tumble down to a worse spot. I've been working out more, pulled on a second job, and focused on controlling my actions and emotions but at the end of the day im still the loser asshole I was in highschool. it doesnt help that my personality is shit and im not a very good person in general. I've been drinking and smoking a lot more recently as it helps me through the day and chill me out but I just cant be productive. I have so many expectations on what I need to be but sometimes I just cant handle shit. Im constantly under the threat of being kicked out over my grades in college considering that he pays for it but I cant take it anymore at this point. I can barely make enough money to pay for my own stuff and gas but i cant find any jobs that will hire an entry level college student
I just want to be happy. I cant ever seem to be happy to wake up and do things anymore, everything is a chore. most days i work, go to school, or get fucked up alone in my room.
i want to be better. i want to be a better person for the people around me and show her that i care about her
i wish i was a better person for her
Every time I try to improve myself I get better but then I tumble down to a worse spot. I've been working out more, pulled on a second job, and focused on controlling my actions and emotions but at the end of the day im still the loser asshole I was in highschool. it doesnt help that my personality is shit and im not a very good person in general. I've been drinking and smoking a lot more recently as it helps me through the day and chill me out but I just cant be productive. I have so many expectations on what I need to be but sometimes I just cant handle shit. Im constantly under the threat of being kicked out over my grades in college considering that he pays for it but I cant take it anymore at this point. I can barely make enough money to pay for my own stuff and gas but i cant find any jobs that will hire an entry level college student
I just want to be happy. I cant ever seem to be happy to wake up and do things anymore, everything is a chore. most days i work, go to school, or get fucked up alone in my room.
i want to be better. i want to be a better person for the people around me and show her that i care about her
i wish i was a better person for her
