I'll never be able to afford my own care 😞

[Livingvsdying25]

Im going to kill myself before too many bills add up and im fucked over even more.

I can have hope and all that shit but it doesn't equal to anything.

I just finally sweeped and moped my floor myself for the first time in months like being able to do it myself.


My capacity is very low but... I guess im just starting to accept that my life is over. I can't afford the care and treatment.

Not enough evenly distributed supports with financial stuff sooo.


Haa whatever tbh I'm tired myself anyway. I'm aiming for mid-June now.



Hanging or substances. Not communicating this part of me anymore. And gonna fully take a break from life. / continue to do so. I've interacted a lil too much this week and honestly I just need a break.


And by break I mean the ability to just dissociate from the very depressing reality and just isolate in my own bubble of like not life things? Chillin on youtube etc....

Theres some things & people that in the living of life bring me joy but somehow even that is a bit activating to my nervous system and a lil stressful??

Plus if I'm planning to die soon it's hard to be with those that love me and I love ya kno?


I think starting to seriously isolate will really help. I have a doctors appt next week and I need her to do some forms and shit so... will probably bring my worker but not looking forward to that tbh. I could skip it but just in case I stupidly decide to live... might as well.


But through many convos and such have come to realize... my life is over. I just want to die. Tired of the worry around money for basic survival like food. It's so fucking sad.



So im off now to take some cannabis capsules and chill on youtube. Basically get my head out of the suicide hole bc I am not dying yet and I need keep myself going for now.


Death these days is relief so.

 

[socrates]

Death is the great relief to me too. I'm sorry things are so hard for you, money is truly an awful thing. I hope you can find some peace chilling on youtube

 

[DurkheimsCat]

This is exactly how i'm feeling too. I'm even still going to TMS treatment and it makes me feel a small percentage better but then I'm like, but for what? I will never have enough money to live comfortably and this world is so fucked. I'm picking up my N2 tomorrow so that's something to look forward to. It's so nice to see others expressing the same thoughts as me, so thank you for that. I hope you find relief.

 

[leavingsoon99]

See, this is one of the MANY reasons why I'm going through with my plans. I'm so sorry that you have to navigate such a brutal healthcare system.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me the only relief could ever lie the thought of being gone as existence is so futile and unnecessary, there's too much suffering in existing and it does sound so tiring what you are going through. It's horrible how we exist in a world where there is endless potential to suffer but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Ontwon]

I've been starting to isolate more too, seeing my loved ones when I might ctb soon just makes me feel sad. Especially since I just lost my job a couple days ago

 

[Readytogo246]

Money can be a huge hurdle. I know I don't want to end up in a care facility in my aging years. It's so hard to go on when nothing gets better. Blessings for finding peace.