Dark-knight
Its painful to live.
- Apr 19, 2023
- 39
hello. i am getting close to ctb. i am here on this site for more than a week, but i have been suicidal for almost my life. what kept me from achieving that is my delusions. i live in imaginary world just to avoid anxiety. i do not have any social capabilities or job. its possibly schizophrenia. life is painful when i try to get back to reality and years have passed by in my unreal world. i haven't had a meaningful conversation with anyone in years. my parents are willing to support me no matter what. but i don't want to be a burden to them. i feel guilty about having to delay this for so long. they deserve relief and i deserve peace.
i have finally decided to ctb with lpg. other options are not available for me. i tried for nitrogen , i have thought about partial hanging. i couldnt find nitrogen or point my carotids. i tried pulling a rope around my neck and my head hurts so i dont think i can do hanging or partial i read that lpg has narcotic properties, i tried huffing for few breaths, i didnt feel suffocated, only euphoric. so i am hoping to pass out without hypercapnic alarm.
so for the method, i am going to place notes for the people who find me about the gas. iam going to do it in a empty flat, in a closet sealing all the edges and using a exit bag with hose in to the bag. i will hyperventilate before placing my head in to the bag and make sure there are no sparks around in the flat and no one is around in my vicinity. i am thinking about doing it tomorrow or the next day. its lpg for sure, i am taking precautions, would appreciate it when anyone could offer any knowledge on how not to make this a failure.
i have finally decided to ctb with lpg. other options are not available for me. i tried for nitrogen , i have thought about partial hanging. i couldnt find nitrogen or point my carotids. i tried pulling a rope around my neck and my head hurts so i dont think i can do hanging or partial i read that lpg has narcotic properties, i tried huffing for few breaths, i didnt feel suffocated, only euphoric. so i am hoping to pass out without hypercapnic alarm.
so for the method, i am going to place notes for the people who find me about the gas. iam going to do it in a empty flat, in a closet sealing all the edges and using a exit bag with hose in to the bag. i will hyperventilate before placing my head in to the bag and make sure there are no sparks around in the flat and no one is around in my vicinity. i am thinking about doing it tomorrow or the next day. its lpg for sure, i am taking precautions, would appreciate it when anyone could offer any knowledge on how not to make this a failure.
